Other people ruining my passion

T

TomS

Member
Hello there đź‘‹

this is unusual topic, maybe not, dont really know. I need to hear wise words and maybe some experiences from other people.

I play drums for a few years and I had once stopped playing. In a few months it will be a year since I got back to drums and decided to go for it. From my first ever earned money I bought cymbal and course thats helping me and after a years I finally have feeling that Im constantlly making progress even in little details. Im learning rudimends and technique which I was not a big fan few years back.

Problem is that my neighbors and members of my family are telling me that Im still playing the same thing. And Im hearing this once in a few weeks maybe but when I heard it today I sat back to drums and started playing. But im still hearing it in my head and its driving me crazy.

For example The course I bought is DBO Academy and there is Hi-Hat creativity course. The point is that trough whole course Im playing same beat but Hi-Hat is changing. So I can imagine that everyone behind wall is hearing only kick and snare but not the hi-hat. I was explaining this to them but Its worthless.

This is driving me crazy but also motivates me. Today I heard something like You are playing the same thing everytime but today was it different. But like the importance of information that im playing same thing is for them dominant.

I dont want to give up on thing that I love. I was thinking that Im immune but today im feeling sad for it. And I know I dont care because they dont understand, they are not drummers and not even musicians. Sometimes even musicians dont understand excercise of drummers because its hard to play melody on drums and we need to practice patterns, linears, technique and that often sounds same.

Sorry for breakdown but I need to talk about this with people that understand me.
 
Repetition is needed for mastery. You NEED to play the same things over and over in order to do them effortlessly.

Don’t worry about what other people say—it’s YOUR passion, not theirs.

Perhaps your passion IS to play the same thing over and over again. Maybe you find comfort and solace or satisfaction in playing that one beat or one fill time and time again. That’s for YOU.

If you want to get better, push yourself to play new things. If playing the same things (or similar things) makes you happier, then by all means, do that.
 
Tom, you are not alone my friend!

I learned along time ago that our daily grind of practicing is not enjoyable to anyone in our house except US! My wife and daughters tolerate it, because they know it is my creative outlet and a passion I have held for over 30 years. But I don't get any response from them when I come out of my office after a positive practice session. To them it really does sound the same. And that is ok, because they aren't in your head and emotions at that given time. As long as they aren't discouraging you from playing, all the other stuff is just stuff I have learned to live with.

I have a very memorable quote from Neil Peart when he was asked if his family enjoys him playing at home. This was during his time taking lessons from Freddie Gruber:
[I'm paraphrasing here]

"My wife and daughter get very annoyed with me while we are sitting [presumably watching tv] and I have my practice pad just going over lessons Freddie gave to me."
 
As other have said, repetition is essential for progress. Unfortunately you have chosen a loud instrument.

Even with windows and doors closed, acoustic drum sound travels in a residential environment. Can you add any insulation around the windows and doors? Are there times when less people are around?

Going way back to my younger days, we had an older lady living next door. When I switched from violin to drums she spoke to my parents about restricting the time of day I practiced. Some mutually agreeable times were set; right after school on week days and mid-day on the weekends. My folks also insulated and sound dampened my music room as much as they could.

I remember at some point the lady was puttering in her garden. She gave me a smile and said "You are getting better!" Hopefully that happens for you.
 
Find a song on the radio that is popular, currently being played. Have your friends and family listen to the song, concentrating on only the drums. They will hear a constant (boring) pattern being played over and over again during the whole song.

.
 
Don't forget pad work! A lot of progress can be made on the practice pad.

I have them scattered around our house. Also have one permanently set up with a double pedal on a kick pad and throne. I run through a lot of 4-way coordinations on that when my family are home. Expand on and explore them when I sit at a kit.
 
My experience is that, when others could hear me practice, I had a tendency to perform and be reluctant to break time to stumble through something that needed to be slowly pieced together. It's better when you can't be heard.
Every time anyone one does something, it informs the next time that is done, be it drumming or whatever.
The great Cellist Pablo Casals said, when asked why he still practiced scales in his 90's, "I'm starting to see some improvement" Once something is in your muscle memory you still have to touch on it regularly to keep it ready.
I've played drums for 62 years, everyday I play one-handed 16ths straight and shuffled, NOLA street beats, solos in various beats. These all came from pursuing various techniques in periods when I was learning. Now my learning is mostly refining what I know and learning arrangements of tunes. Lotsa repetition.
 
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TomS said:
Problem is that my neighbors and members of my family are telling me that Im still playing the same thing. And Im hearing this once in a few weeks maybe but when I heard it today I sat back to drums and started playing. But im still hearing it in my head and its driving me crazy.
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The gift of playing drums is yours, not theirs.
Put your head down, grind it out, and enjoy the process.
Screw their opinions and just keep going. Don’t be waiting for compliments either.
 
99% of people don't know what they're hearing, to them it all sounds like a lot of drum noise. You can't be doing it based on their comments, good or bad, you have to do it for yourself.

Unfortunately some families-- and some people who call themselves friends-- are not supportive. Find people who like music to be around.
 
That’s the breaks. People don’t understand that exercises and patterns must be drilled to get proper muscle memory going, simple as that. So stop listening to them because they obviously don’t understand what it takes and do what you do.

I was lucky because my family either understood, or were very sympathetic to the process. It also helps that there were other musicians in the family before me.

At least you’re not playing a violin or a brass instrument where you literally spend a year making noise before you get a good tone!
 
PorkPieGuy said:
The gift of playing drums is yours, not theirs.
Put your head down, grind it out, and enjoy the process.
Screw their opinions and just keep going. Don’t be waiting for compliments either.
Click to expand...

Good advice. Very similar to what others have said.

Stop worrying about what other people think. Be like me: Play drums badly and have fun doing it. Life is short.
 
Remember those little cheap drumsets kids would get with the Hawaiian dancer on the front?..one blue 12" ride and one 10" single headed mount?. Well..my mom got me that set. My uncle was over one day and I wanted to do a drum roll for him. I was going like crazy on that 10" mount and thought he would be overly impressed. He just said keep going..youll do a good roll someday. I was secretly crushed. The response wasn't what I needed to hear. Although I was hurt by that I carried that with me like a young Rocky....Sylvester Stallone. Someday I'll show my uncle..someday. It hurt but motivated me like crazy. Let those comments take you to heights beyond your imagination. Keep going grasshoppah...you will be great. Trust me.
 
There’s a misconception by non musicians that playing a musical instrument is a natural gift and that performers are just ridiculously talented and can do everything out of the box (something perpetuated by the entertainment industry generally tbh)…those that see behind the curtain don’t understand the repetition and hard work it takes to get things to the extent that they’re second nature and appear effortless. When witnessing it they assume from a place of ignorance that you can only play one thing or you’re not very good. Like the guys say, keep smashing it no matter what people are saying. It’s not about external validation anyway…if someone who doesn’t know the instrument is complementing your practice session, chances are you’re “playing” stuff you’ve already got in your bag rather than working on the stuff you don’t do so well and need to improve on. Keep at it mate! :D 👍
 
PorkPieGuy said:
The gift of playing drums is yours, not theirs.
Put your head down, grind it out, and enjoy the process.
Screw their opinions and just keep going. Don’t be waiting for compliments either.
Click to expand...
These words should be inscribed above the front doors of every drum shop and music school in the land!
 
Yeah some folks I call Contrary’s (ala Little Big Man) because they like to rain on other peoples parade or just always take an opposite view.
 
@TomS ....if they are not drummers/musicians, their critique of what you are doing shouldn't matter

Tony_H said:
I have a very memorable quote from Neil Peart when he was asked if his family enjoys him playing at home. This was during his time taking lessons from Freddie Gruber:
[I'm paraphrasing here]

"My wife and daughter get very annoyed with me while we are sitting [presumably watching tv] and I have my practice pad just going over lessons Freddie gave to me."
Click to expand...

yeah, when things started to get serious with my current wife, I warned her about the fact that there would always be sticks in my hand, a pad in my lao, and playing going on. For some reason, she stayed....
 
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