Drums and the Significant Other

l did not start playing the drums until l was thirty five years old.

At first she who must be obeyed was skeptical but tolerant as l had wanted to learn how to play the drums for years. l started playing in church, so for as long as we attended, she would watch and boo when l kacked. It was a little discouraging to have the Pastor turn to me and say “you suck” and then hear the congregation shout “AMEN ,”

Needless to say l am an atheist now.

There was a stretch where l had become a full blown raging gear o holic, which did not go over too well. I believed in the sea turtle hatching scheme by where so many hatch, the preditors can’t eat them all. There was so much gear coming and going, she did not know what was new, old, used, or mine, as my drum room always looked like a chrome forest under a canopy of bronze.

Now that l am an old retired guy on a limited income l have had to curtail my wheeling and dealing but l still have that pack rat mentality.

Since l joined my band, six years plus a pandemic ago, my Wife has become so much more supportive as my bandidos and their significant others have made her feel as welcome as me. My band has become a part of our social life so that makes it that much more pleasant.

My kids on the ther hand.......

Stay safe all

Barry
 
Does your SO support your drumming or no?

I feel very lucky, my wife not only supports it but encourages it. She has also purchased gear for me as gifts. I can play whenever I want provided theres no reason not to.

I hear horror stories about sneaking gear into the house, hiding credit card bills, ultimatums of me or the drums.

Y'all have supportive SOs? I hope so.
You tryna picka fight hombre? Or just bragging? My SO AKA the Wife of 30 years is about as musical as a box of hammers in the rain under a bridge in the dead of winter in Gibraltar. In a blizzard. can’t carry a tune in a heavy shopping bag.
But she’s beautiful, actually gorgeous and an amazing artist so I forgive her musical inadequacies. And she doesn’t often complain about my obsession with drumming. And I can’t paint except for the walls and trim.
So she sneaks in canvases and buys extraordinarily expensive oil paints in tiny little tubes and I sneak in the occasional snare drum or floor Tom and life goes on. Nothing to see here folks, keep moving
 
:alien:hell of a story baz. What one piece of gear today do you not have but lust after.

Hmmmmmm

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These.
lf l were to buy this used kit l would swap the hardware from my Session kit which l swapped from a previouse Masters kit.

Iwould then sell my sessions to offset the cost of these. Not likely to happen although l will be keeping my eyes out for when the seller drops the price. These were for sale once before and they sat for months, even after the seller dropped 200 bucks off what he is asking for them now.

Next week l will be in lust with a 20,14,12 kit. Maybe a Mapex Saturn,

Just have to wait for the turtle eggs to hatch.

Barry
 
In general she's happy for me to play at home and have the occasional jam session with "the boys" every now and then.

It would be a very different story if I was gigging every weekend and staying out until all hours of the night surrounded by drunken idiots (can't say I miss that)!
 
my wife knew what she was getting into from the start:

- we met for our first date at the school where I teach after marching band practice
- on the 3rd or fourth date, I just basically laid down the law: I told her "this is what I do. I am a drummer for a living. A teaching/band director drummer. I make little to no money. I work 12-14 hour days 6 days a week. I play in 4 rock bands, and have studio gigs sometimes at the drop of a hat. I stay up till 3 in the morning writing, researching, listening etc. to music. None of this is going to change or go away, so before you decide to invest any more time with me, I just wanted you to know. I want to be honest"

10 years later - and 3 into marriage - we are still going strong!!

I told her that most of the other women I had dated had tried to change me, and that I just didn't want her to waste any emotional time or effort in trying to do the same. True honesty out of the gate. I don't have to "ask for permission" or do things behind her back when it comes to my drum stuff...or any stuff. We don't operate that way. she doesn't have to either.

On my end, I SWORE, up and down, that I would never have, or deal with kids of my own. <-- I did not want to deal with kid stuff for 14 hours a day, and then come home to it as well... She brought 3 teens into the deal, and I had to do my own adjusting. That became less scary as the time went.
 
My wife has been supportive, we met at a show so she kinda has to be!

We keep our finances separate so she doesn't care what I buy as long as I can cover my half of the bills, and I don't ask questions when she comes home with 9 Target bags!

As far as noise goes she got a little frustrated when I played my acoustic kit in the house for longer than an hour, but since I got my Roland TD25 she hasn't complained once.

I don't gig anymore so that's not a problem, but back in the day, that was our go-to argument! We have a baby on the way so it's probably going to be a while before I gig again, if ever.
 
I hear horror stories about sneaking gear into the house, hiding credit card bills, ultimatums of me or the drums.
I'm super lucky. My wife has always been very supportive and she doesn't even mind the noise. Most importantly she's very good with money and investing. Before I got married I had a massive stash of gear, no savings, and $5k in credit card debt. Jump forward a couple decades and we don't owe a cent on our house, cars, etc. which means I only have to work part time which is pretty sweet for being 52. She doesn't complain about my spending but she's shown me better uses for my money than snatching up more gear I may not even play so I've become a one-in-one-out guy. Since I'm only a hobbyist I don't need anything more.
 
Jump forward a couple decades and we don't owe a cent on our house, cars, etc. which means I only have to work part time which is pretty sweet for being 52.
I'm slightly younger, but in the same boat. It's such a great feeling to have security in a home. No one can ever evict my family, that means a lot.

I still work, but its remodeling projects, yard work, car maintenance, etc. Stuff I would have to do anyways.
 
My wife has been supportive, we met at a show so she kinda has to be!

We keep our finances separate so she doesn't care what I buy as long as I can cover my half of the bills, and I don't ask questions when she comes home with 9 Target bags!

As far as noise goes she got a little frustrated when I played my acoustic kit in the house for longer than an hour, but since I got my Roland TD25 she hasn't complained once.

I don't gig anymore so that's not a problem, but back in the day, that was our go-to argument! We have a baby on the way so it's probably going to be a while before I gig again, if ever.

We do the same...glad to see someone else does this. One of my checks goes into the joint bills account and the other goes into my account. All of the combined use stuff comes out of there.

I don't feel like she should have to pay for my truck, or my drum stuff, or my other hobbies...and putting half of the money in the joint account also prevents me from spending more than I should on toys

any extra money in the joint account at the end of the month gets moved to a money market account that is reserve for emergencies etc...
 
Mythical just like the phoenix and minotaur. I've heard of such a thing but never laid eyes upon said thing. Until that changes, I decry it as a myth.

yeah...we are talking like 50 at best...30 on the avg...sometimes it is more...we will grt more extra in the next month as we pay off our roof and hot water heater...but then somethgin else will break
 
Mythical just like the phoenix and minotaur. I've heard of such a thing but never laid eyes upon said thing. Until that changes, I decry it as a myth.
Everytime I think I have extra money something needs fixing. Its really just money that hasn't been used yet!

yeah...we are talking like 50 at best...30 on the avg...sometimes it is more...we will grt more extra in the next month as we pay off our roof and hot water heater...but then somethgin else will break
Yeah, this type of thing!
 
I'm hoping my daughter will be interested in music, really I just hope she's cool lol

I grew up with three brothers.

when my Daughter was born l was over the moon. I built her a set of drums that she had zero interest in. Same with my Son.

Don’t be discouraged because sometimes these things might skip a generation but if you are fortunate enough to be blessed with Grandchildren.......

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Grandchildren and Grandparents are natural allies.

Best wishes and health for you and yours.

Gramps
 
Does your SO support your drumming or no?

I feel very lucky, my wife not only supports it but encourages it. She has also purchased gear for me as gifts. I can play whenever I want provided theres no reason not to.

I hear horror stories about sneaking gear into the house, hiding credit card bills, ultimatums of me or the drums.

Y'all have supportive SOs? I hope so.
My ex wife bought me a drumset and cymbals (that I still have) when we were still dating and she was very supportive of my drumming.
My current wife bought me a Roland set when we were still dating and now (we have been married for over 7 years) when looking for our next house, she is making sure there is a dedicated space for drums and music gear, and not just a small closet , no, a complete basement or a whole separate building just for drums! (we are looking at places in Augusta Georgia, there are a lot that fit the bill) A lot better and cheaper than the small shack you can buy in California for $600,000...
 
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