Drums and the Significant Other

c.1995 I sold my darkroom, complete, for about $1900. Cash. With that wad burning a hole in my pocket I floated the idea of buying a drum kit. She said, “No problem.”

I didn’t ask twice, just booked it down to the drum shop and came home with a good looking Sonor kit. I set it up in our tiny basement and the only restriction was no playing while the kids were napping.


She’s been very supportive ever since. I married up.
If it helps I would classify her reaction to my drumming as “weary resignation” versus “active disapproval” or “putting my drums on the curve.”

I’m out playing my kit 5-6 times per week, just had a jam session this weekend and am constantly buying, researching or doing something drum related in my free time.

So while she finds the whole thing rather silly it could be a hell of a lot worse....
Mine refers to my drums as "the first wife". I was a drummer when we met & after 30 years together, she knows that's the one thing I'll never sacrifice for anyone.
I have RTOM pads & Quiet Tone cymbals for the home practice, so no one is hurting. She likes the noise & that's been a blessing.
My wife doesn't mind so much, but I have a 17 year old dog that does NOT like my playing. So lately my playing has consisted of little snatches here and there when my wife has him outside, ten or fifteen minutes here and there, whenever I can get them.
Does your SO support your drumming or no?

I feel very lucky, my wife not only supports it but encourages it. She has also purchased gear for me as gifts. I can play whenever I want provided theres no reason not to.

I hear horror stories about sneaking gear into the house, hiding credit card bills, ultimatums of me or the drums.

Y'all have supportive SOs? I hope so.
Same. I think I'm bothering her but she encourages me to play, tells me to not worry about the neighbors and tries to get me to buy what I want (I'm the cheap one). She's a gift.
100% yes... Then again, I've never put her in a position where she needed to defend herself.

She could care a less about what I do in terms of gear sales/purchases. She's never once balked at gigs, teaching schedules or practicing.

However, I have always never put her in the second chair either. My family has always come first so when there are times where conflicts between drums and family stuff comes up - I always go the family direction.
My wife has been extremely supportive and gracious over the years. I'm very fortunate. But family always comes first and we both have had to sacrifice at times over the years . . . and drums were typically the first to go in lieu of other options. I've been supportive of her endeavors as well. She wanted to be a stay at home Mom for our daughters for years. When she wanted to return to work there was no question so long as it was something she wanted to do. She always got the brand new car as a daily driver (I finally got my first new car in 2016). Recently when I brought up the possibility of getting a bass guitar (I have absolutely no background with guitars) she just asked why. She knows I already have a Five Part Plan in place for when I ultimately retire. I explained I've added Part Six for something additional to challenge me mentally in hopes of staving off any sort of dementia. She responded: "Absolutely. Get it." I've told her repeatedly ever since we got married "all I want to do is grow old with you and my gear."
See I would never do this because the wedding is HER day. (Do guys fret over and look forward to their wedding day as if it was the best day in their life?)

I always thought the better part of playing drums is not to play them at my wedding. I'm not a fan of stealing her thunder on that particular day.

i married a woman who believes solidly that the wedding is our day and that one way among many that she shows me she loves me is by celebrating my strengths and interests as i do hers. we have been married for 15 years now and have never had a fight. I am her thunder
My wife is Fonzy cool with the drumming, she wouldn't be my wife otherwise. The fact it pays for stuff usually helps. Only thing I get moaned at is for ranting about a nights work as soon as I get back at 2/3 in the morning but she has the bad taste to disturb me before the crack of noon so it evens itself out :)

She disappears to Ireland several times a year visiting friends, family and goes to Spain with the outlaw every summer, she hasn't not come back yet so I must be doing something right.

We don't step on each others toes, and meet in the middle......most of the time ;)
My wife is super supportive. I didn’t have any drums when we married and she knew how much I missed playing, but family priorities come first and the trade off was worth it. Fast forward a decade...we were financially stable and the timing was right, so I invested in drums after being without for so long. I’m frugal and don’t really need to spend much on myself...except for fun drum splurges. My wife never questions my purchases because she knows how much I enjoy drums and drumming. She also knows that I’d be the first to sell my gear if times get tough and we needed the dough.