Mates Rates?

KEEF

KEEF

Senior Member
Long story short - Got asked to play a wedding - the groom is mates with the singer and bass player and they want to do the gig for free as a kind of wedding present. Thing is - I don't really know the guy and I HATE playing weddings ( we are not a wedding band ) so I want to get paid. I've suggested charging a quarter of what we normally ask so I get my usual share. It's fine that they want to contribute their time for free for their mate but should I have to? (The guitarist has agreed after they pressured him into it so I'm the odd one out.)
Am I being an arse? I get it's nice to be nice, but it's time away from the family for zero reward, no money and no enjoyment. I really hate weddings....
 
Nope, you're not being an arse at all, only a fool works for nowt. Mates rates are for your mates only. Mates of mates rates = full fee!

Anyone who does em will tell you weddings are a ball ache at the best of times and you earn your money for anything but the playing bit!

One of my best mates and guitarist in my wedding band was meant to be getting hitched before lockdown struck and I was going to be depping for the wedding band on the night as well as being best man........should have charged triple ;). Band were on normal rates including me but I declined my fee. That's what should have happened in your instance.

From personal experience I've found if you give an inch folk will take a mile. Stand your ground. You're not a charity and you're at work especially when it comes to weddings. Ask them to get a dep in but deps like being paid too!
 
Similar to Mikyok. I played at my cousin's wedding two years back. It was just like a pub gig so we didn't have to set up early and hang round for the day. We charged our normal going rate minus my 25% of the band cut so for the PA man and band it was just like a normal night, my wedding present to my cousin was my services for free. To be fair to her she's well into bands and live music and didn't approach us expecting it to be on the cheap but I felt comfortable with the arrangement we came to
 
I would do this for free if it was like a one or two time deal. I would not play every wedding for free...

and it is interesting that the exact opposite thing is happening to me in December. We are playing at one of my former students weddings, and she insisted that we play, and that she pay us. She chose us specifically b/c she wanted to "give back" for everything I did for her. I had a 2 week text argument with her about not needing to get paid etc. etc. ,but she would have none of it
 
I agree with the others, you're not being the arse. I don't do any work for free. Once you give that inch mm, it won't be long before they try to take the mile km.

*corrected for proper units for the OP
 
I’ve had this more than a few times with the bagpiper I play with . My friends I don’t charge but the bagpiper gets paid and vise versa . If it’s family of either it’s no charge as long as either of us are free . Close friends of both of us , usually no charge . Acquaintances or friends of friends may get a reduced rate .

In your situation it’s right you be paid and I would think if the band mates explain they’d like to offer their pop erfurmance and time for free to the friends but that they want/have to pay another member the friends would absolutely understand that . And if they didn’t , I wouldn’t want to play that wedding anyway .

So no, you’re not being an arse.

I’ll add that I’m close to my bagpiper and if for some reason he asked ( he wouldn’t) I would probably do it ! Your band mates could also pay you directly from their pocket as part of the “gift” without any mention to the friends . I’ve done this with my piper also . But we always discuss the situation and circumstances and agree beforehand .
 
Timmy said:
I was gonna say he should at least ask everyone if it's ok, but then, not cool to put you in that situation. He should either offer them a discount (minus his fee as a present), or, stop being a cheap ass and pay you guys and not charge her as a present.
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Not only that, but wedding gigs are not small time things. Your usual 3-4 set length will have to go into 6-8 to fill the amount of time guests want to "dance the night away".
No way in Hell would I do that amount of time in the saddle for free.
 
I would politely either turn down the gig altogether, or name the price you'd be willing to do it for. Something like, "I'm willing to do it for $xxx, but I'm sorry, I just can't do it for free." They can either play it without you or decide to pay you. Either way, it's a win for you. I have turned down many freebie gigs. I've been gigging for over 30 years, I've paid my dues. IMO it's very unprofessional and disrespectful for a band leader to ask his/her band to play for free. I lose a lot of respect for those who do.
 
heartbeat said:
I would politely either turn down the gig altogether, or name the price you'd be willing to do it for. Something like, "I'm willing to do it for $xxx, but I'm sorry, I just can't do it for free." They can either play it without you or decide to pay you. Either way, it's a win for you. I have turned down many freebie gigs. I've been gigging for over 30 years, I've paid my dues. IMO it's very unprofessional and disrespectful for a band leader to ask his/her band to play for free. I lose a lot of respect for those who do.
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My personal favorite line is "There's no money, but the amount of EXPOSURE you'll get will be unreal!!"
Yeah...because utility companies accept exposure as payment. :rolleyes:
 
Cmdr. Ross said:
My personal favorite line is "There's no money, but the amount of EXPOSURE you'll get will be unreal!!"
Yeah...because utility companies accept exposure as payment. :rolleyes:
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Yeah, exposure. Doesnt someone important need to be there for exposure to work? The normal crowd wont even remember the bands name the next day.
 
MrInsanePolack said:
Yeah, exposure. Doesnt someone important need to be there for exposure to work? The normal crowd wont even remember the bands name the next day.
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This is exactly true. In my business property owners always want a reduced fee 'because of all the future business we're going to do together'.
My response is always that I appreciate and look forward to any future business but with this transaction the fee is the fee. There are undoubtedly those you can find cheaper, but you get what you pay for.
Cmdr. Ross said:
My personal favorite line is "There's no money, but the amount of EXPOSURE you'll get will be unreal!!"
Yeah...because utility companies accept exposure as payment. :rolleyes:
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So true. The last wedding I played for free was a first cousin. It was not as detestable as some others have indicated (played ZZ Top's Tush for about 8 minutes I think). But I think the utilities were already paid 🤣
 
If your 5 pc band, for instance, normally makes $1000 for a wedding, the "free mates" each is worth a $200 discount. If your bandmate's mate is a mechanic, he'll come fix your car for free? I think not. My wife still does weddings, and this comes up a lot. This is the standard way it's handled.
 
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