The guy nobody wants to jam with

[2 hit wonder]

The heavy drinker thing is a sore spot right now. Although, I attend a weekly jam wherein a lot of heavy partaking occurs, people can still perform. Me, not so much, but others can do ok while pretty messed up.

But it doesn't work in a tribute style band, not in the one I'm in at least. The amp gets turned up, wrong notes get played, no stage communication, songs have to get skipped.

I wonder if it's like those who are egocentric, or quiet, or loud, or etc. and it's just a character trait they can't help. I know my two elder brothers can't seem to help themselves from being unmitigated a-holes. The genetic polymorphism that produced the trait must have skipped myself

Ah, man. You just need a 2nd opinion. Don't sell yourself so short there.




I keed, I keed!
Love you..mean it.

 

[A J]

Your previous life has already proved that you can be a team player and team builder, so I'm not surprised that you can survive in a band situation.

As you mentioned, it's acceptable - almost mandatory - that one "draws a line in the sand" concerning one's personal convictions. At my age, I no longer compromise "me." But playing music with others is a gift in any form.

Agreed. It's kind of an "Army thing". You and I were in so long, we can't shake it. In the Army you have to work alongside some people you don't like. You have to do it in bad weather. You have to live alongside them. Your cot is 6" from theirs. You have to depend on them.

A band setting is a lot easier. At least in a band, nobody's shooting at you!

 

[Smoke]

Agreed. It's kind of an "Army thing". You and I were in so long, we can't shake it. In the Army you have to work alongside some people you don't like. You have to do it in bad weather. You have to live alongside them. Your cot is 6" from theirs. You have to depend on them.

A band setting is a lot easier. At least in a band, nobody's shooting at you!

Being "glued together at the hip" for 24/7/365 is tough - even for a married couple. It doesn't take long before you have nothing to talk about other than those thing that bother you about the other person glued on your hip. I know, as I've spent more 24/7 time with some soldiers than I have with my wife. At least you can find some social distance when not in a wartime situation: go for a walk, take out the trash, YouTube, motorcycle ride - maybe even some drum throne time!

A band situation should be easy - it's voluntary! I can't understand why some folks can't compromise enough to play Mustang Sally once a week.

 

[Macarina]

In every town, there's the one guy who is an accomplished musician (usually a guitar player/singer) that nobody wants to be around.

I got a call from a guitar player buddy of mine yesterday. The topic of "Dave" came up. He'd been jamming with Dave for a couple months and the band agreed to do a quick 6-song "gig" at an open mic jam. Just days before the gig, Dave abruptly cancelled, saying the "band wasn't ready". The other members protested but Dave's decision was final.

As a result, the members all departed and formed their own band which is doing quite well.

What's the problem with Dave? Well... Dave and many others like him are good players and nice guys. The problem they have is their inability to be a "team player", the inability to get along with others and the lack of understanding about band logistics, planning and administration. In a band, you have to be willing to play songs you don't like. You have to go along with some gigs you'd rather not play. You have to help carry that heavy bass amp. You have to make all sorts of minor compromises to make the other members happy.

Unfortunately, Dave isn't wired like that. He owns the practice space and the PA. In his mind, that makes him the boss. In a band, it doesn't work like that.

Dave is back to square one. He has a large list of local musicians and sends out emails trying to arrange jam sessions and auditions. It's actually kind of sad. I still have contact with the guy. Some day, when it's convenient, I'll gladly show up and jam at his place and will have a good time doing it. Dave is that kind of guy. He'd be fun at a jam session at his place but really is incapable of being in any sort of serious band that gigs.

Someone should take these few paragraphs and write a screenplay for a short story film. This sounds classic in characterization and story which a lot of folks are familiar with. Not necessarily a band situation, but this story would resonate.

 

[A J]

Being "glued together at the hip" for 24/7/365 is tough - even for a married couple. It doesn't take long before you have nothing to talk about other than those thing that bother you about the other person glued on your hip. I know, as I've spent more 24/7 time with some soldiers than I have with my wife. At least you can find some social distance when not in a wartime situation: go for a walk, take out the trash, YouTube, motorcycle ride - maybe even some drum throne time!

A band situation should be easy - it's voluntary! I can't understand why some folks can't compromise enough to play Mustang Sally once a week.

You're right. Being in a band (for most of us here) isn't a career. It's a hobby, a part time job and is voluntary. Just like any other job, you have to fit in with the team and do things you wouldn't ordinarily do.

I likewise don't understand the thought process of guys who just can't seem to embrace teamwork. You don't have to be a great musician to be in a band. Far better to be an average talent guy with superb people skills. That's the guy who is going to be in a band, not the guy with superstar chops with the bad attitude.

 

[A J]

Someone should take these few paragraphs and write a screenplay for a short story film. This sounds classic in characterization and story which a lot of folks are familiar with. Not necessarily a band situation, but this story would resonate.

Yes. That would make a fascinating short film.

With guys like "Dave", it's never one big incident that drives everyone away. It's usually a series of many "red flags" that eventually build up to the point they are abandoned by everyone: death by a thousand cuts. It's sad to see the group emails from Dave. I think he knows he's the problem and is bending over backwards to show he's "easy to work with and accommodating." He's even offering to buy pizza. Still, nobody's jumping at the opportunity.

Like I said, he'd be fine for an occasional jam session, but nothing more serious than that. His personality is "un-giggable".

 

[PorkPieGuy]

I've played with a few "Daves." I could write a book.

The bigger and better the talent, the worse the demons.

 

[ravenson]

Imagine a five piece band and every member is a Dave , but you are Dav-id ....y'know. the one with a music stand who uses Italian words for things .

 

[Xstr8edgtnrdrmrX]

this person always seems to be lead singers in our area, but also some guitarists

I hate the braggarts as well. The ones who just spend their time telling you how lucky you are to be playing with them, or using their space etc...

 

[Lunasee]

this person always seems to be lead singers in our area, but also some guitarists

I hate the braggarts as well. The ones who just spend their time telling you how lucky you are to be playing with them, or using their space etc...

In my limited experience, I also found that it was primarily guitarists and singers. I used to jam with a lot (10- 12) of co-workers at a small local bar. We would have four drummers show up. The drummers were great. We had a rule of "Play three, and out". This gave everyone equal time on stage. Guitarists weren't capable of this. Many songs we had six guitarists squeezed on that stage at once. It was all ego.

How do you know when a singer is at your door?
They don't know when to come in, or what key to use.

 

[Fluffster]

In every town, there's the one guy who is an accomplished musician (usually a guitar player/singer) that nobody wants to be around.

I got a call from a guitar player buddy of mine yesterday. The topic of "Dave" came up. He'd been jamming with Dave for a couple months and the band agreed to do a quick 6-song "gig" at an open mic jam. Just days before the gig, Dave abruptly cancelled, saying the "band wasn't ready". The other members protested but Dave's decision was final.

As a result, the members all departed and formed their own band which is doing quite well.

What's the problem with Dave? Well... Dave and many others like him are good players and nice guys. The problem they have is their inability to be a "team player", the inability to get along with others and the lack of understanding about band logistics, planning and administration. In a band, you have to be willing to play songs you don't like. You have to go along with some gigs you'd rather not play. You have to help carry that heavy bass amp. You have to make all sorts of minor compromises to make the other members happy.

Unfortunately, Dave isn't wired like that. He owns the practice space and the PA. In his mind, that makes him the boss. In a band, it doesn't work like that.

Dave is back to square one. He has a large list of local musicians and sends out emails trying to arrange jam sessions and auditions. It's actually kind of sad. I still have contact with the guy. Some day, when it's convenient, I'll gladly show up and jam at his place and will have a good time doing it. Dave is that kind of guy. He'd be fun at a jam session at his place but really is incapable of being in any sort of serious band that gigs.

i am dave but probably even moreso. i was a fairly accomplished guitarist/song writer but i find it incredibly hard to branch out, i tried and failed for years. so anyway but anyway it doesn't really matter, i still got to meet some great folks along the way and i still have songs that are all me own and some memories, so it was worth it. and now im back to drumming because thats the only instrument i find tolerable anymore.

 

[Fluffster]

And that's exactly what "Dave" did. The band practiced hard for months and had mastered many songs. They were all looking forward to getting out, but Dave had other ideas. He pulled the plug despite what the other guys wanted.

But in a band, the other guys get a vote. They voted with their feet. As a drummer, your chances of making it as a solo act aren't too good. You MUST rely on other people and their imperfections.

My current band is a weird mixture of "broken toys", me included. Our lead guy is famously difficult to work with but the bassist and I get along with him just fine. When he gets pissed and frustrated, we just laugh at him, hurl insults and push all his buttons. You'd think by this time we'd be mortal enemies. Not so. Our weird personalities just seem to mesh well.

haha from what you're describing Lee Mavers from the La's is the king of the Daves. exceptionally talented.....did everything to sabotage his band and himself. but unlike most daves he has a cult following and vast amounts of mystique around him.

 

[A J]

haha from what you're describing Lee Mavers from the La's is the king of the Daves. exceptionally talented.....did everything to sabotage his band and himself. but unlike most daves he has a cult following and vast amounts of mystique around him.

Never heard of the guy. I googled him. Strange dude.

It's happened before. A guy gets works hard, gets successful, gets some money and then chills... for the rest of his life.

 

[A J]

i am dave but probably even moreso. i was a fairly accomplished guitarist/song writer but i find it incredibly hard to branch out, i tried and failed for years. so anyway but anyway it doesn't really matter, i still got to meet some great folks along the way and i still have songs that are all me own and some memories, so it was worth it. and now im back to drumming because thats the only instrument i find tolerable anymore.

You don't sound like the "Dave" I'm talking about. I detect humility in your words. My Dave isn't like that. Besides; as a drummer, you must be a team player or you don't drum.

 

[Fluffster]

Never heard of the guy. I googled him. Strange dude.

It's happened before. A guy gets works hard, gets successful, gets some money and then chills... for the rest of his life.

oh you know one of his songs "there she goes" one hit, one album that most people liked but that the band hated, but its all the other stuff, the rarities, the B sides the rough recordings of potential second albums, the alternative rrecordings of the first album. at times its the best music you've ever heard. all of that has has made the band and Lee mystique shrouded mofo's

 

[BobC]

The only guy I ever met like that was a country guitarist named Steve who smelled so bad, nobody wanted to play with him. They stuck me next to him on the gig. His BO was so bad, I had to go outside on break. Seriously, he stunk. Steve seemed to have no idea how bad it was. Thankfully, I never worked with him again.