Where do you stand on giving advice?

Even though I've had an absolute ton of experience, I NEVER give advice about drumming or anything music-related unless I'm asked. On the rare occasion I am asked for my advice, I go into knowing that there's a 99% chance they are not going to take it. Heck, there are people in my life that as "What do you think?" pretty frequently, but I've stopped letting them know what I really think. Why? Because they aren't seeking my advice; there are only wanting someone to agree with them about something they've already decided to do.

Person: "Should I buy this guitar?"
Me: "No."
Person: "Why?"
Me: "Well, what will it do that your other 20 guitars won't do? What are your other guitars lacking that this one will fix? What does it do that's so special that your others are incapable of?"
Person: "Well, I think I'm gonna buy it anyways."

These days I'm like, "Do whatever will make you happiest!" I'm too much of a realist to be any fun when it comes to advice.
 
I do not give advice unless asked. That's how I want to be treated and how I treat others. There is no quicker way to get me to tune out than by saying "You know what you need?" Yes, I have a manageability problem 😬. Once a guy came up on stage during the break and started going through my kit item by item telling me what was wrong and how could improve it. Heads, cymbal thickness, hi-hat height, snare height / angle, etc. I just smiled and thanked him for his input.
 
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PorkPieGuy said:
Even though I've had an absolute ton of experience, I NEVER give advice about drumming or anything music-related unless I'm asked. On the rare occasion I am asked for my advice, I go into knowing that there's a 99% chance they are not going to take it. Heck, there are people in my life that as "What do you think?" pretty frequently, but I've stopped letting them know what I really think. Why? Because they aren't seeking my advice; there are only wanting someone to agree with them about something they've already decided to do.

Person: "Should I buy this guitar?"
Me: "No."
Person: "Why?"
Me: "Well, what will it do that your other 20 guitars won't do? What are your other guitars lacking that this one will fix? What does it do that's so special that your others are incapable of?"
Person: "Well, I think I'm gonna buy it anyways."

These days I'm like, "Do whatever will make you happiest!" I'm too much of a realist to be any fun when it comes to advice.
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yeah...I just look at it like if the yare goignto lob the ball into my court, I will lob it back, and then it is up to them to do what they want next.

some of the best advice I ever got was within a question about something completely different, but the answer sparked something else. I hope that happens with other people from me sometimes
 
IncipimusIterum said:
These days, I tend not to bother, as you are invariably met with a chorus of 'leave them alone!' or 'what do you know!' or 'nobody asked you!'
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As Neil Peart wrote in Nobody's Hero, "Try to hold some faith in the goodness of humanity" pretty mush sums up my interaction on pretty much every media outlet (social or otherwise).

People will get my help if they ask for it. If you're too proud to ask, then you didn't really need it. I've been a recipient of the above quote from OP and that's lead me to shut off from helping people involuntarily.

After decades of trying to make the lives of others easier, I've learned no one cares now. So why should I?

They'll figure it out one way or the other and will learn a lesson in the process. (y)
 
Cmdr. Ross said:
As Neil Peart wrote in Nobody's Hero, "Try to hold some faith in the goodness of humanity" pretty mush sums up my interaction on pretty much every media outlet (social or otherwise).

People will get my help if they ask for it. If you're too proud to ask, then you didn't really need it. I've been a recipient of the above quote from OP and that's lead me to shut off from helping people involuntarily.

After decades of trying to make the lives of others easier, I've learned no one cares now. So why should I?

They'll figure it out one way or the other and will learn a lesson in the process. (y)
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I am often times the guy on the other end...asking for advice. and probabnly too much sometimes, but like you mentioned, when I see someone doing something better han I can, I think : "why am I not doing that? I need to ask them about that"
 
Feels weird answering this, since I make videos where I give unsolicited advice. But then I guess it's kind of the same, if someone clicks on the video they're asking for it (in more than one way).

In person, as with most, only if asked. I have experienced people who thrive on giving unsolicited advice and their lives are lonely and frustrating. I'm glad to share if asked and if I'm comfortable in my knowledge of the subject.
 
PorkPieGuy said:
Heck, there are people in my life that as "What do you think?" pretty frequently, but I've stopped letting them know what I really think. Why? Because they aren't seeking my advice; there are only wanting someone to agree with them about something they've already decided to do.
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When I'm thinking about buying a new piece of gear, I'll often send the listing to an old friend and ask "What do you think?" And he's been very clear from the beginning: "I am never going to try to talk you out of buying musical equipment. I'm not that guy. I'm the guy who's going to tell you why I think it's awesome. So if you need to be talked out of buying something you don't need, you should ask someone else."
 
Xstr8edgtnrdrmrX said:
I am often times the guy on the other end...asking for advice. and probably too much sometimes, but like you mentioned, when I see someone doing something better than I can, I think : "why am I not doing that? I need to ask them about that"
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And me asking is like they asking me for help. This is a good thing. The first move always needs to be the other guy, not me stepping to them & offering advise they didn't ask for.
That guy is gone.
 
I prefer to encourage other drummers rather than give unnecessary advice. I don’t see the point in correcting minor things if not specifically asked for a critique on that element of playing. In many cases it’s clear someone’s on the right track and will most likely figure things out naturally in time. If someone is genuinely struggling with something or wants my thoughts on a particular aspect, I’ll gladly help if I can. If someone asks for advice on the forum I’ll not repeat other comments I agree with unless someone is seeking consensus… :unsure:
 
GretschedHive said:
When I'm thinking about buying a new piece of gear, I'll often send the listing to an old friend and ask "What do you think?" And he's been very clear from the beginning: "I am never going to try to talk you out of buying musical equipment. I'm not that guy. I'm the guy who's going to tell you why I think it's awesome. So if you need to be talked out of buying something you don't need, you should ask someone else."
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When I was first getting into vintage drums, I'd send ads to a good friend of mine and he would give me the absolute best advice, telling me things to look for and thing to look out for. He's one of the only people I trust when he says, "I think you'll like this" when talking about gear. If I was a full-time musician and could afford a tech, he'd be first on my list. He knows the sounds I like.
 
If I’m asked, I will give advice, but I’m not about to dispense it randomly. Nobody wants that.
 
As a drum teacher, I give advice all the time.

When I see somebody I know playing a gig, I might offer them some advice, which usually looks like (paraphrased): “I saw you did that thing, and it was awesome! I love doing that thing, too. Do you want to know what I do in addition to that thing? I do this, and it sounds even awesomer!”

I start with a compliment, and phrase it more like, “This is a tip to take it to the next level” rather than as a criticism of something they need to fix. Also, I never offer advice to people I don’t know. That’s not my place.
 
I'm not good enuf to give anyone advice. Certainly unsolicited. But I did catch myself almost doing it with someone on Facebook that posts a lot of videos. She's a beginner, and its fun to see the joy she is having playing. So many people are giving suggestions in the comments, its too much. I have told her about a version of a particular song that I watched to try and learn the part when we added it to our setlist, one that I found quite helpful. Not intimating anything in the comment either, I complimented her and told her what a fun song it is to play. That's as close as I ever got to giving advice.
 
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