It's hard to give critiques for me because I've never written a song in my life. So I figure if you're having fun and it sounds genuine, I can't say much more about it. I do like the riff. Maybe if you guys mic'ed up better so everything could be heard clearly, especially the drums. This has a Frank Black and the Catholics kinda' vibe, and I love that guys' work outside of what he did with the Pixies.
Maybe one drumistic thing: I like to slosh it up on the riff when there's no vocal, so I say open up those hi-hats and slosh away, then come under control during the verses. Or heck, smash away on your ride during those sections - it doesn't have to be the hi-hat all the time. Maybe if you slammed 2 & 4 as a rimshot all the time, that would be good on this tune. You're really the one in control of what the band does, so I say take advantage of that. I've controlled dynamics in my bands easily by how I play. When I go quiet, they go quiet, etc.,...