Some suggestions (DVDs not required):
Play with a metronome, obviously. But at first, play with no fills. Zero. Just keep time. Play easy beats.
After this becomes comfortable, have the metronome click only on the "one" of each bar. Play along. Still no fills. This is considerably harder.
When you think you can, have the metronome click (in your mind) on the "and" of "one," or the "and" of "two," or whatever. As you do this try to think of the metronome as just another player--one with perfect time. Your job is to stay with him.
When you feel it's time to add fills, start brutally simple: one-note fills, two-note fills, etc. Don't get more complicated until you can come back from these in perfect time.
Be patient. You're internalizing the pulse and it doesn't happen overnight.