Help!!!

Nancy_C said:
Please tell me why in the hell YOU are researching types/brands of drums, sound abatement, and other drum-related matters? And then YOU decided which drums she should play, and YOU bought them?

Did she ask you to do the research, and to buy the drums and cymbals for her? If so, you should have said, "No, my love, because that is part of being a drummer, it's how you learn. It would be inappropriate for me to wrest that pleasure from you."

Or did you take it upon yourself to do all that research and drums-purchasing? If so … no wonder you're in counseling, Counselor, because you are quite the controlling di-- … sorry, trying not to name-call here. You are taking over what should be your wife's fun project. You need to back off so your wife can do her thing without your "help" (read "interference").

They're your wife's drums. Stop butting in, and tell HER to figure it out, whether she wants to or not.

One more thing: Give your poor hapless wife the login info for your Drummerworld Forum account. You won't be needing it anymore, and she will. I look forward to meeting her here.

Go, do it, please.

… Now.
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RIGHT ON Nancy !!!

Perfect advice.


.
 
Howdy, All:
Thanks for all the responses and advice. I do appreciate it. And no, you guys–and gal(s)–will have to work a lot harder to scare off this “old guy;” which I am, though I prefer old fart, or hoary flatulent, if you must know. And no, I’m not the least bit offended by any of the responses. Sure, some might view my efforts to assist my other half–or some such fraction–as evidence that I am ***** -whipped or over controlling. In fact, contrary to what you may have read into my post, I’m pleased that she has found something to interest her. That way she’ll focus less on me and my foibles and flaws. We got along much better before I retired. Now, it seems, she sees a bit too much of me. At any rate, after the wife had had several months of lessons it became clear that it was no passing fancy, and I offered to get her some real drums. She was thrilled by my offer. Inasmuch as neither of us knew squat about drum beating, I offered to investigate the subject and she was positively thrilled. And I did not get her cheap-ass student drums and cymbals. Hell, if she were part of the voting for my nomination for sainthood, I would have rated at least a vote for veneration, if not canonization. And, if truth be known, my concerns regarding excess decibels is mainly for her hearing, not mine. I am already adept at protecting my hearing. When dragged to the movies, I frequently stick Kleenex in my ears to reduce the noise level. When riding my motorcycle–which I reluctantly gave up last year–I would always wear earplugs under my full-face helmet to protect my ears from wind noise. Though realizing that it was no longer safe to handle a big bike, I still miss it, and am looking longingly at the Polaris Slingshot and the CanAm spyder, both three wheelers. But enough of that talk. Back to the subject at hand.
From the advice herein (Sorry for the lawyer talk, but old habits die slowly. And actually, at this point, I’m a recovering, ex-attorney, with hopes of a full recovery.), I was all ready to head out and buy a set of Vic Furth’s drum mutes. But I happened to see a reference to Lazaro Quilon and his Ultra Tone sticks. Though I am always skeptical of puffery (a legal term for the overblown praises of a product by the one selling them), I was impressed by the testimonials on his website and the videos, as well. After speaking with the gentleman himself by phone, I decided to bite the bullet, roll the dice and cross the Rubicon. I ordered a set of his sticks. From my readings and from advice given me, I was concerned that regular drum mutes are likely to adversely effect the drum sounds, and more importantly, the “feel” for my wife. According to Lazaro, noise is reduced by about fifty percent with his sticks. If so, what remains of my sanity is probably safe. And if not, I can still run down to my local Guitar Center for drum mutes and/or ear plugs.
My wife was quite tickled to hear your responses. I well try and get her to post for herself here.
Thanks again, All. And if I manage to remember (Note Well, folks, memory IS affected by age), I’ll report back regarding the effectiveness of the Ultra Tones.
 
Stan, you simply MUST report back, and stay an active member here. I've loved reading your humorous, self-deprecating missives. I'm finding great humor in reading the adventures of the hapless husband as he stumbles through the "retirement blues," as it has been called. I've been retired for years now while my wife finishes her career. She just finished up some pretty serious surgery, so will be laid up until January, so having her around the house has been an exercise - by both of us - in not running into each other too much. My routine (if you can call it that) has been totally interrupted. No more turning up the stereo to unbearable levels, no more practicing the drums, no more learning the bass guitar. And worse of all, I'm having to clean the house! Yes!

So, keep writing in, and let's hear the wife's side of this, too. She really needs to be here.

GeeDeeEmm
 
Hi stanmann, looks like your wife has a new drum tech. working for her now. What you are doing for her is fantastic and sweet all at the same time. Sounds to me, you are having all most as much fun doing research on equipment as she has in playing. Sounds like communications too me? Would like to hear from her on how things are progressing in her playing or maybe she would like to ask a question or two? Remember some of us are starting to get up in age here, there are a lot of women drummers here and also some drummers that first started playing in there 50’s & 60’s and are having a blast playing just behind a kit. Good luck and come on back!
 
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Stan,
I think I understand why you were "chosen" to pick your wife's equipment, we men tend to be obsessive silly litttle gear heads, and I suspect your wife just wants to PLAY DRUMS!
If I read this correctly, then good on ya, mate! And more power to her.
Cheers,
Chris
 
Nancy_C said:
I'm kind of a ranter — I get it all out, then get over it. And this thread really set me off.
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The part that got to me was when he said, "...and I offered to get her some real drums. She was thrilled by my offer."

Why would a man need to offer a woman drums? We can make that decision ourselves, and buy our own goddamn drums. No offer or permission needed.

Having said that, welcome to the forum, Stan? :D
 
elle said:
The part that got to me was when he said, "...and I offered to get her some real drums. She was thrilled by my offer."

Why would a man need to offer a woman drums? We can make that decision ourselves, and buy our own goddamn drums. No offer or permission needed.

Having said that, welcome to the forum, Stan? :D
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What, don't you think it was nice of him to offer to buy her drums?

Wouldn't you be happy if your husband offered to buy you drums?? :)
 
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