A familiar conversation ---

Andy

Honorary Member
but this guy took the award for most exaggerated venue owner BS.

Andy - "Hi, where is the band setting up"?

Venue manager - "over there (points) - in front of the fireplace".

I'm looking at a space about 8ft wide.

Andy - "I'm sorry, but we can't fit a 5 piece band in that space. Can we move this furniture" (pointing to a large L shape settee & two tables).

Venue manager - "no", we have 120 people in here tonight, & I'm short of seating as it is".

Andy - "well, it's just physically impossible for us to fit in that space, plus we need room for the PA".

Venue nipple - "you don't need a PA, you can use our house system just like every other band does" (pointing to a pair of wall stand mounted 100W Tandy speakers from the 70's)

Andy - "even if we could get that system to work for us, we still can't fit in that space".

Venue idiot - "we've had a 10 piece band with trumpet players in that space - no problem"

Now getting annoyed Andy - "I'd pay to see that, a f&*g brass band / human pyramid combo"!

Venue tosser - "well, you can take it or leave it"

Andy - "we'll leave it, & you can explain to the biker club who hired your venue that the band couldn't set up because you wouldn't move a f*&%g settee & two tables. We've already been paid, I doubt you will be, & good luck rebuilding the bar"!

Furniture got moved in 3 minutes. We didn't see the venue owner for the rest of the night :)
 
Just beautifully awesome Andy!

Lucky you weren't playing for the sewing circle. I wouldn't want to be the guy to tell the bikers that the band split.
 
What's the sewing circle Jeff?

I meant that it was good that you had the bikers coming to see you instead of something like a little old ladies sewing club. Helps with the intimidation factor.
 
I meant that it was good that you had the bikers coming to see you instead of something like a little old ladies sewing club. Helps with the intimidation factor.
Ah - got you :) I thought there might be some US based badass biker fraternity with an overtly silly name!

Yes, I think the nature of the "client" was most helpful. Oh, & I was prepared to walk. I don't put up with that crap.
 
hahaha i guess he finally saw the light. human pyramid, hahahaha im tired of being pushed around by staff at places, we are hired entertainment, not background music. i was using rods insteadead of sticks at one venue and when they told us for 3rd time to turn down ( it was this crochety old waitress) i lost it. i stood up and asked all of the people dancing in front of us and the rest enjoying the music at the bar if we were too loud, the chorus of NO embarrased the crap out of her and that was that! bartender thanked us later too.
 
but this guy took the award for most exaggerated venue owner BS.

Andy - "Hi, where is the band setting up"?

Venue manager - "over there (points) - in front of the fireplace".

I'm looking at a space about 8ft wide.

Andy - "I'm sorry, but we can't fit a 5 piece band in that space. Can we move this furniture" (pointing to a large L shape settee & two tables).

Venue manager - "no", we have 120 people in here tonight, & I'm short of seating as it is".

Andy - "well, it's just physically impossible for us to fit in that space, plus we need room for the PA".

Venue nipple - "you don't need a PA, you can use our house system just like every other band does" (pointing to a pair of wall stand mounted 100W Tandy speakers from the 70's)

Andy - "even if we could get that system to work for us, we still can't fit in that space".

Venue idiot - "we've had a 10 piece band with trumpet players in that space - no problem"

Now getting annoyed Andy - "I'd pay to see that, a f&*g brass band / human pyramid combo"!

Venue tosser - "well, you can take it or leave it"

Andy - "we'll leave it, & you can explain to the biker club who hired your venue that the band couldn't set up because you wouldn't move a f*&%g settee & two tables. We've already been paid, I doubt you will be, & good luck rebuilding the bar"!

Furniture got moved in 3 minutes. We didn't see the venue owner for the rest of the night :)

That's beautiful is that Andy.

I've just shed tears at my desk at work :)
 
That is just so choice-I bet the venue manager also said that a big 8 piece kit and full orchestra fit there too. Yeah it's pretty common that these venues for rent want to fit more people than any concerns of the bands needs. Probably a reason so many use DJs too. But nothing like "live music" even if a small background jazz group at an artist exhibit (low key fun gig)-people often gathered around the band as much as any art (wait that's tautology LOL ;) So did the bikers initiate the band into their club as honorary members after the bands performance?
 
Love those stories. Good thing you got paid up front. Nicely handled Andy. You're like the Peter Grant of your band.

I got asked to play a restaurant gig once where they wanted a 3 piece band to set up on a 4 foot by 4 foot landing on a stairwell. After realizing they were serious, I kind of laughed to myself and walked out. The other 2 guys remained and did the gig sans drums, then at the end they got stiffed. So I made the right choice.

I had never walked out on a gig prior, but this was unacceptable. The band leader who hired me....I couldn't stand this guy anyway, and this was the last straw. I told him to not call me anymore. The next time I heard from him, someone had stolen his 1964 Fender Strat and he was asking for donations. I went off on him just a little. Why should I care? What a D-bag! What he made go around....came back to bite him!

He is just this rude, arrogant, fraction of a man who lives in filth (I've been to his house for rehearsals) and smells of BO. I don't want to be associated with that type of person.
 
Great story, KIS!

So tired of being treated like second class citizens by venues. I'm glad to hear some of us stand up to these folks and tell it like it is.
 
I played at a place like this a few weeks ago. They wouldn't move the furniture, so we just spread out across the room hahah. The horn players were positioned all over the place, drums were facing a corner, piano player was on the other side of the bar.

After the first set, the manager moved some furniture. Actually, the sound was pretty cool... it must have been like a surround sound system to the crowd!
 
I meant that it was good that you had the bikers coming to see you instead of something like a little old ladies sewing club.

You never met my mother, did you?

Well played, Andy!
 
It's even worse when it's within the band. I had a singer once who moved the drums closer to the back wall after sound check. Unplayable. We had words lol.
 
Andy I feel your set-up pain, an all too familiar bar owner opening gambit. Last year I was playing a medium sized bar, which had a stage that was too shallow to accommodate a 4 piece drum-kit, the stage was raised up so as to make it impossible to cobble a split stage & floor set-up.

Maybe time to start a thread called 'postage stamp stage'.

I can see how a piccolo kick drum of say 22" wide by 11"deep would be really useful in these situations as this should reduce the depth foot print. No doubt some bright spark will market this as a "fast" kick drum.
 
It's even worse when it's within the band. I had a singer once who moved the drums closer to the back wall after sound check. Unplayable. We had words lol.

Or the guitarist who while you are setting up places his two spare guitars on stands within the space that he must surely understand your ride cymbal and right crash cymbal stands would need to go into. Or the band member who says that as the venue only has two backing vocal mics he has to have one as he's more important than you. But I think that's perhaps another thread.
 
Or the guitarist who while you are setting up places his two spare guitars on stands within the space that he must surely understand your ride cymbal and right crash cymbal stands would need to go into.

Absolutely - this happens to me too often!
 
Now getting annoyed Andy - "I'd pay to see that, a f&*g brass band / human pyramid combo"!

Venue tosser - "well, you can take it or leave it"

Andy - "we'll leave it, & you can explain to the biker club who hired your venue that the band couldn't set up because you wouldn't move a f*&%g settee & two tables. We've already been paid, I doubt you will be, & good luck rebuilding the bar"!

Furniture got moved in 3 minutes. We didn't see the venue owner for the rest of the night :)

I'm enjoying my yearly break from venues like this. We come across some weapons on immense proportions too so you're not alone! Our award winner was the guy who asked us to move our cars from the place they had told us to park in..........in the middle of the first set during a song.

I was fortunate enough to miss last years award winner who was some banal incubus who drove a mile and a half from the venue with a decibel reader to check they couldn't hear us in the nearest village.

Thanks for reminding me they're still alive and well just in time for the first gig on Saturday!
 
Or the guitarist who while you are setting up places his two spare guitars on stands within the space that he must surely understand your ride cymbal and right crash cymbal stands would need to go into. Or the band member who says that as the venue only has two backing vocal mics he has to have one as he's more important than you. But I think that's perhaps another thread.

Absolutely - this happens to me too often!

I think this is just a Guitarist thing as I get this a lot when trying to set the drums up, I normally just sigh and move their guitar/leads/amps- sometimes to find them moved back into the space I need.

Guitarists seem to live in their own little bubble from my experience. Funny creatures sometimes.
 
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