but when the suggestion of a drum solo in a section of a tune comes, I cringe. The band stops, and everyone looks at me for some kind of genius chop fest or something.
In the fusion realm, it's most common for the band to play a vamp. In jazz, the drum solos consist of "trading" with the band. In big band, extended drum solos of indeterminate length can happen, and then drummer will count the band in after the solo. Most rock musicians just aren't aware of these customs. They only remember Bonzo's "moment".
Realistically, a typical bar crowd just wants to be able to tap their feet, nod their head, and follow the thread of rhythm through what you play. If they're dancing, tease them with rhythm, but try to keep them dancing! I agree that the extended, "meterless" arena rock drum solo (which usually includes accelerating bass drum quarter notes to engage the clap-alongs) is best left to bands with pyrotechnics in their budget, and for crowds who enjoy that sort of thing, but keeping time throughout a drum solo is indeed demanding, and well worth the effort, IMO. If playing over a steady vamp is just too much, the rest of the band could just stab a chord on the 1 of every 4 measures, so the crowd gets the idea that the pulse hasn't stopped (this is more difficult for guitarists and bassists than you might think, so go easy on 'em at first!).
Don't feel like having a very clear idea of what you're going to play is a bad thing, especially if you're new to soloing. Write it out if you can. Better to make a plan and keep a solid groove, than to lose the beat in front of a crowd! Keep adding to it and tweaking your plan, and before you know it you'll have a vocabulary for drum soloing.
It may also help to have someone announce this part of the show over the mic, before, after, or both. My guitarist friend always makes a little joke and says: "... and Brent playing lead drums on that last one".
If you're interested in learning about soloing over different types of song forms, check out The Drumset Soloist by Steve Houghton.