What is your favorite drummer joke?

felonious69

felonious69

Well-known member
15 years ago, when I was still twenty and bullet proof, Things were great.
Next Friday, I'll be 56! ...and all fall-apart-y
What the hell happened?!?!?!?!?!
 
felonious69

felonious69

Well-known member
Laughing my asp off!
I was trying to think of more "old-timey" phrases.
 
felonious69

felonious69

Well-known member
Gotta take half a day off to take mom to get her COVID vaccine on Wed.
She's 85 and I wonder What took 'em so long?
 
felonious69

felonious69

Well-known member
Sonorfan said:
And your eyesight and memory are the second and third things to go at 56 !
???
Click to expand...
Actually, my eyesight started to deteriorate when I was a teenager.
My mom warned me that this would happen but I can't quite remember what she said causes that.
Meanwhile...I'm just getting by and holding my own.
 
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S

Sonorfan

Well-known member
felonious69 said:
Actually, my eyesight started to deteriorate when I was a teenager.
My mom warned me that this would happen but I can't quite remember what she said causes that.
Meanwhile...I'm just getting by and holding my own.
Click to expand...
You too huh ? Males are subject to things like that. Females only have to bear children. It’s not quite fair !
 
GetAgrippa

GetAgrippa

Platinum Member
So you have 15 years on me Sonorfan. I've always tried to take care of myself though I have had periods of weight gain and then loss. Still take no prescribed meds and healthy but boy I remember at 50 it was like I must have sat on a self destruct button I didn't know about-suddenly my blood pressure was high, had my gall bladder taken out , needed bifocals, needed hearing aids, had a heart Cath-great arteries, needed colonoscopy every 3-5 years because family history of colon cancer though oh crap (literally), stop stop. Well it's all been smooth sailing since pretty much but now at 65 I note my muscle mass and strength just isn't there even with push ups. So Iv'e read it natural declines with age-but how much I don't know. As is my legs look like bird legs now and I have no butt at all. Just withering away-I walk get some exercise just no muscle mass now just get skinnier. So how's it all hanging at 80? Well holding together I mean. Still can play drums I gather-so do you still have good hearing? One side of my family is long lived into 90s-I just never thought about living that long. So just in case maybe some tips to get through the next 15-then hopefully you'll still be around when I'm 80 for the next 15 years and 95. You could be a great asset and resource for future planning. So give up the goods man.
 
S

Sonorfan

Well-known member
GetAgrippa said:
So you have 15 years on me Sonorfan. I've always tried to take care of myself though I have had periods of weight gain and then loss. Still take no prescribed meds and healthy but boy I remember at 50 it was like I must have sat on a self destruct button I didn't know about-suddenly my blood pressure was high, had my gall bladder taken out , needed bifocals, needed hearing aids, had a heart Cath-great arteries, needed colonoscopy every 3-5 years because family history of colon cancer though oh crap (literally), stop stop. Well it's all been smooth sailing since pretty much but now at 65 I note my muscle mass and strength just isn't there even with push ups. So Iv'e read it natural declines with age-but how much I don't know. As is my legs look like bird legs now and I have no butt at all. Just withering away-I walk get some exercise just no muscle mass now just get skinnier. So how's it all hanging at 80? Well holding together I mean. Still can play drums I gather-so do you still have good hearing? One side of my family is long lived into 90s-I just never thought about living that long. So just in case maybe some tips to get through the next 15-then hopefully you'll still be around when I'm 80 for the next 15 years and 95. You could be a great asset and resource for future planning. So give up the goods man.
Click to expand...
Well for awhile before my Bride died I was overweight and then partly because I stayed over 70 nights with her in the a Hospital and ate poorly I developed Type Two Diabetes. I don’t have meds just diet but Neuropathy in hands and feet which didn’t improve my Osteo. I’ve had a Bladder Cancer removed, got hearing sides last summer, high blood pressure, one knee replaced and waiting for another and worn glasses for 40 years but otherwise I’m ok. I still do some business and music and I walk about 1/2 plus per day in a swimming pool when I can get in. I just refuse to get old. I have a new partner who is 5 years younger and active both in mind and body and we think young even though our bodies tell us otherwise... but we’re still on the right side of the grass so that’s a victory in it’s self. Music really kept me balanced during my Brides illness and I kept it up by
giging and jamming pre Covid and practising daily. Remember:
Old drummers never die, they just lose time !
and.. “Old age, craftiness and grumpiness will overcome youth,
honesty and good attitude everytime.
by the way there’s a sale in Seniors Drool Pots on Amazon ??
 
GetAgrippa

GetAgrippa

Platinum Member
Your story sounds like my eldest brother. He has found another partner just this year (she's younger too) and his happy place again. I've been really worried about him. Anyways I'm glad you did after your loss-my condolences for your loss. Drumming is my therapy too. I'll probably be due both knees and a hip but I'm in no hurry for any surgery if I can live with it. I ran for years and I just crushed my body doing it like a fool. Thanks for your words-kudos to a life well lived and living it. I hope we all do so as long and as well as you.
 
T

ToneT

Well-known member
So the drummer walks into the confessional, kneels, and says....

DRUMMER-Bless me father, for I have sinned, I haven't been to confession in many years.
PRIEST-Well,son,you should come more often. Tell me your recent sins.
DRUMMER-My sins are, I cheated on my wife 20 times with her best friend, I had sex with my next-door neighbor's wife 10 times. and I called my mother-in-law a useless twat.
PRIEST-Good God, son! This is terrible! How could you tell me this!
DRUMMER-Oh it's OK father I'm telling everybody!
 
SomeBadDrummer

SomeBadDrummer

Well-known member
felonious69 said:
Actually, my eyesight started to deteriorate when I was a teenager.
My mom warned me that this would happen but I can't quite remember what she said causes that.
Click to expand...
It's caused by staring too long at the centerfold...
 
S

Sonorfan

Well-known member
ToneT said:
So the drummer walks into the confessional, kneels, and says....

DRUMMER-Bless me father, for I have sinned, I haven't been to confession in many years.
PRIEST-Well,son,you should come more often. Tell me your recent sins.
DRUMMER-My sins are, I cheated on my wife 20 times with her best friend, I had sex with my next-door neighbor's wife 10 times. and I called my mother-in-law a useless twat.
PRIEST-Good God, son! This is terrible! How could you tell me this!
DRUMMER-Oh it's OK father I'm telling everybody!
Click to expand...
A Rock Drummer named Sticks lives at home with his parents who are very upset at the life style attached to his chosen profession. His Mother tells him it's time for confession and seek absolution. In the Confessional the Priest asks if he has anything to confess: "Well Father I had an affair with our Bass man's wife and our Guitarists girlfriend as well". The Father being a music fan knows several of the local musicians and asks: "Was the Bass man's wife Lucy Jones, I know she favours Drummers ?" "I can't divulge that Father as I'm sworn to secrecy" "Well was the Guitar players wife Margaret Smith, I know she likes Drummer too ?" sticks replies: " Again I'm sworn
to secrecy"
The Father says "Go then I can't give you absolution"
When he goes out his mother asks "Did you get absolution Son ?" Sticks replies: "No Mom but I got two good leads !"
 
Neilage

Neilage

Junior Member
My neighbor knocked on my door at 3 am...
renderTimingPixel.png

3 am can you believe this?

Lucky for him that I was awake playing drums.
 
rhumbagirl

rhumbagirl

Senior Member
Neilage said:
My neighbor knocked on my door at 3 am...
renderTimingPixel.png

3 am can you believe this?

Lucky for him that I was awake playing drums.
Click to expand...
Joe, come in. I was just playing my drums, so you didn't wake me up. What can I do you for?? Whack!!
 
felonious69

felonious69

Well-known member
A guitar player was sitting on his front porch, just picking away on his acoustic. His bass player walks up with his acoustic bass, grabs a beer and joins in. Soon, their drummer approaches with his snare, a stand and some brushes and he too joins in.
As a funeral procession starts to approach, and is going to pass by, the drummer stops, puts down his brushes, removes his hat and says a prayer for the departed.
The guitar players are impressed!
They tell the drummer how thoughtful they see that as.
He replies:
"Least I could do... we've been married for the last 25 years".
 
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