What is the appropriate amount of time to wait, until you can show your new Significant Other your Drums?

Lee-Bro

Senior Member
Have them set up right in the middle of your living room drum room. Have a custom kick drum head that says, "I change for no one." If she says, "Is that the name of your band?", just tell her "No."

If she can't handle it, she's not the one for you.
Fixed it for you. ha ha ha
 

Channing

Member
I tell potential dates right away. I mean I’m drumming pretty much all the time so anyone who knows me knows I play. Also when I did online dating I had pictures with my drumset on my profile.

Maybe it’s different because I’m a woman but I probably wouldn’t date anyone who doesn’t play some kind of instrument whether it’s guitar, bass or drums. They just wouldn’t understand the lifestyle.

Current bf is a metal guitarist and I’m also teaching him to play drums, he’s learning really fast. If we didn’t have music in common I don’t know what we would even talk about most of the time.
 

beyondbetrayal

Platinum Member
I honestly think holding a bit of info, not lying leaves some mystery. It would be pretty cool to find out a girlfriend had some cool talents after going on a few dates. Now, that being said, when "what kinda stuff do you like to do" comes up. Playing drums is at the top of the list. I wouldn't forget that in a conversation. That usually sparks the question that I play in 2 bands and jam with them 2 days out of the week. That is pretty important information.
 

mikyok

Platinum Member
Interesting topic, one I've never thought about to be fair. For some it's a big problem, I've known lots of guys who get stung by the 'It's me or the band' scenario or completely pussywhipped as it's otherwise known.

I've always been upfront and said what I do, take it or leave it. Wouldn't go as far as serenading her with a marching snare :).

My wife has always been the Fonz levels of cool with me disappearing at weekends and was the same before we got married, it's a job. She's never been the Yoko or Janine type and couldn't care less about the instrument.
 

Channing

Member
For some it's a big problem, I've known lots of guys who get stung by the 'It's me or the band' scenario or completely pussywhipped as it's otherwise known.
Does this really happen? The only time I’ve ever heard of this was if kids were involved, which is kind of understandable that you wouldn’t have as much time for a hobby/freelance job with crappy hours and crappy pay anymore. I think if the situation were reversed and a mom tried to tell her husband she had to leave for hours multiple times a week and on weekends to go play the tuba and he’d be solo with the kids to do everything by himself he probably wouldn’t like it much either.

But someone who’s just in a relationship or married with no kids? That would be totally psycho to stop the person you love from doing something they enjoy. I guess people do get into crappy relationships, but you make it sound like this is a common thing.
 

mikyok

Platinum Member
Does this really happen? The only time I’ve ever heard of this was if kids were involved, which is kind of understandable that you wouldn’t have as much time for a hobby/freelance job with crappy hours and crappy pay anymore. I think if the situation were reversed and a mom tried to tell her husband she had to leave for hours multiple times a week and on weekends to go play the tuba and he’d be solo with the kids to do everything by himself he probably wouldn’t like it much either.

But someone who’s just in a relationship or married with no kids? That would be totally psycho to stop the person you love from doing something they enjoy. I guess people do get into crappy relationships, but you make it sound like this is a common thing.
You answered your own question but yeah it definitely happens. I've seen a situation where it happened to one of my besties before kids came along and he was the passive doormat type. Think we were all of 21, 3 kids later and doing job she kind of pushed him into he realised he should have grown a pair back then. Since the divorce I've never seen him happier and he's a great dad.

I've found it happens more with original bands the whole annoying girlfriend thing which is why you have to be careful when it comes to other halves and bands. Probably why this is a realy interesting topic! Wish someone had had this chat with The Beatles :)
 

MrInsanePolack

Platinum Member
Our bass player was like this. He was so up his girls a** he would skip practice and even tried to weasel out of shows. She dumped him then it was all good...until he met some other girl who was a tweeker, then we wouldn't see him again for weeks at a time. Finally he dumped her because she was toxic. So all was good again until...you get the idea. Some people just can't juggle this stuff.
 

Jeremy Bender

Platinum Member
Perhaps nonchalanly walking past a drum shop on your first date might be a good ice-breaker... "Oh, cool! can we look in there for a minute ?"

Once they realizes you're wealthy enough for this ridiculously expensive hobby/passion/profession then they probably won't balk!
 

Odd-Arne Oseberg

Platinum Member
She'll already know and most likely she'll ask to see them.

If a girl can't show that much interest in you and what you're about, why bother?
 

larryace

"Uncle Larry"
Does this really happen? The only time I’ve ever heard of this was if kids were involved, which is kind of understandable that you wouldn’t have as much time for a hobby/freelance job with crappy hours and crappy pay anymore. I think if the situation were reversed and a mom tried to tell her husband she had to leave for hours multiple times a week and on weekends to go play the tuba and he’d be solo with the kids to do everything by himself he probably wouldn’t like it much either.

But someone who’s just in a relationship or married with no kids? That would be totally psycho to stop the person you love from doing something they enjoy. I guess people do get into crappy relationships, but you make it sound like this is a common thing.
I know of at least one great guitarist where he knowingly allowed to have his wings clipped. It's too bad, some people are insecure to the point of detriment. Talking about his wife.
As a general rule, I don't talk about drums or myself actually to anyone else other than here. Unless I'm asked, which doesn't happen that often. I'm normally the one projecting myself into another's situation, asking about them, supporting their efforts, not the other way around. It feels strange when I am on the receiving end of any interest, isn't that sad? That's why I'm always here. Drums are important here.

Gig scheduling is discussed with my wife, only out of logistics. The women in my life, are all about themselves first, second and third. Aren't all women like that?
 
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GetAgrippa

Platinum Member
I'm not sure when my wife discovered I played drums??? I didn't own a kit during the first decade of our marriage and I know it didn't come up the first few years-so had to be at least three years before that little tidbit found the light. I don't think it was ever a plus or a minus. Though in 7th grade this one girl liked me and the garage band we formed=actually I think she was more a groupie cause I never got anywhere in a relationship with her. I lived with two different women during late college and then grad school-I wasn't playing then so I don't think either of them ever knew I had an interest. I was a running nut then which dominated everything so they had to fit in my running schedule LOL. Gosh I wish I had a girlfriend who would teach me to play drums-I could practice different sticking patterns with her-all the perks are just mind blowing. My wife is a good sax player and I use to play so we sometimes get into "sax talk"-we haven't made a video or anything. Hee,hee,hee. I was 31 when I married so couldn't relate to married life but now 33 years later I can't relate to single life. Both of my bros are either widowed or divorced and they seem miserable. I can't imagine dating again. I remember I use to share an office with a lady thirty years my junior-she was single and was meeting online dates. Now I guess I'm oldschool cause that notion just terrified me-I told her if she was ever uncomfortable to call me I'd come to the rescue. She just laughed. Despite our differences we became fast friends-I just love her to pieces-she is an excellent scientist. She helped me navigate my poor hearing and would help me through embarrassing situations because of it too. She married a musicians and moved off so I don't get to see her anymore but I know she's thriving.
 
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theseer2

Junior Member
Well if you play really good, right away and show off!

If you drum like Bobby Brady when you are 22, if shes hot- get married first.

 
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