What is the appropriate amount of time to wait, until you can show your new Significant Other your Drums?

MrInsanePolack

Platinum Member
First date. She needs to know you are a drummer, what she is getting into. If it was a guitar, would you hide it? If you like this girl, hiding stuff from her might make you look insecure, or possibly a liar. Show them to her, you don't have to play them. But be up front about it.

It's not like you are hiding an addiction, or another woman, or criminal activity.

EDIT: added "you are" for clarity
 
Last edited:

larryace

"Uncle Larry"
Wow what a curious question. If they don't know right off the bat, I don't say anything until I can't avoid it any longer. I like them to discover it later. It's not good to tip your hand right off the bat. A little mystery goes a long way.
 

Lee-Bro

Senior Member
Back in the dark ages of dial-up internet and in lieu of social media and we all had our own webpages, I had photos of me playing drums on mine so she somewhat knew what she was getting into. I met my significant other online while I was making fun of people who meet online. Go figure.
 
First date. She needs to know you are a drummer, what she is getting into. If it was a guitar, would you hide it? If you like this girl, hiding stuff from her might make you look insecure, or possibly a liar. Show them to her, you don't have to play them. But be up front about it.

It's not like hiding an addiction, or another woman, or criminal activity.
Criminal activity?? Come on now brother! Just harboring that thought is insecure and criminal in and of itself. Talking about musician stereotypes. Wow. LOL.
 

MrInsanePolack

Platinum Member
Criminal activity?? Come on now brother! Just harboring that thought is insecure and criminal in and of itself. Talking about musician stereotypes. Wow. LOL.
That's not what I meant. If you hide something like playing drums, and go play them without telling her, she might think you are hiding something.

Why does he disappear for two hours a day and not tell me why? Is he cheating on me? Is he a criminal? Is it something else?

Building trust doesn't happen if you hide stuff. If you can't be upfront and honest about yourself, why would the other person stick around? Would you?
 

Hollywood Jim

Platinum Member
Your new girlfriend plays the tuba. She plays with a traveling orchestra. She practices at home for two hours every day. When would you want to see her tuba?

.
 
Last edited:

BonsaiMagpie

Junior Member
I'm super upfront about being a drummer, but actually taking a girl to see my drums? Definitely not on the first date. How bad would she feel knowing that I would never love her as much as them. :LOL:
 

PorkPieGuy

Platinum Member
Have them set up right in the middle of your living room. Have a custom kick drum head that says, "I change for no one." If she says, "Is that the name of your band?", just tell her "No."

If she can't handle it, she's not the one for you.
 
Last edited:

CommanderRoss

Silver Member
Most of my SO's met me at a gig, so there's no mystery. Any others will know my drums are my "first wife" (humorously) and know they were there before them & will be after them.
If they can't deal with my kit, then out they go.
 

GetAgrippa

Platinum Member
I knew my wife about 9 months-only dated about 6 of those months before we married. She fell in love with "me" not what I do. No she wasn't drunk or on medication-I can be charming amazingly. The first year of marriage she discovered what I do-with much chagrin, horror, etc. Course I learned a lot about her too. Like she had a lot debt-I had none. We both have OCD traits so equally annoy each other in different ways. I've actually defeated many of my repetitive behaviors of hand washing, use of multiple towels, and germ phobia. We both love music-she played sax like I did and played other instruments as well. For her Holidays was all about family-mine was all about "ME" and usually hunting and leaving the family behind for some alone time LOL=she won. My most embarrassing negative trait is my inability to control my outward appearances of anger. Most people assume my good natured fun demeanor means I have no temper-which is a HUGE false assumption-I'm a seething volcano with a hair trigger temper that has gotten me in a world of trouble over the years and having to take anger management classes because I've scared the hell out of people (I haven't hurt or beat up anyone in 33 years of marriage just people feel threatened because apparently I'm outwardly scary when I lose my temper). My wife and kids laugh at that-they know I'm like a chihuahua barking and no real threat-I guess if you don't know me 220 libs of seething anger can be scary. But she loves me-when we married I was in drum hiatus-but within ten years of marriage she and the kids gave me a Pearl Forum drum kit for Christmas. Man the woman is a saint-I say she is the salt of the earth and I'm the pepper. She was like a divine intervention to calm my wild ass down, and slowly I've become human (or as close as I'm able to be).
 

GetAgrippa

Platinum Member
You should always tell the ladies you "speak softly but carry a big stick". Now don't qualify a drum stick just yet-keep them guessing a bit-some of that mystery LOL.
 
Go
That's not what I meant. If you hide something like playing drums, and go play them without telling her, she might think you are hiding something.

Why does he disappear for two hours a day and not tell me why? Is he cheating on me? Is he a criminal? Is it something else?

Building trust doesn't happen if you hide stuff. If you can't be upfront and honest about yourself, why would the other person stick around? Would you?
Gotcha! Yeah the disappearing act would be suspect.
 

KEEF

Senior Member
If you're in a gigging band that takes up lots of your time and a significant amount of possible 'date nights' will be booked out then best to be up front right from the off - if you keep turning down nights out with no explanation, you're not gonna get very far.
My ex wife stopped me gigging for years - When I first started dating my now better half I made it clear I would not be giving up gigging for her, accept it as part of the deal or the deals off. We've been together 12 years now............
 

larryace

"Uncle Larry"
There's not much mystery anymore, what with FB. Anyone you meet, that's the first thing they do when they get a chance, so the chances of it being kept for later is nil anymore.

Still, I liken showing the drums right off the bat to admiring a picture of another GF I have, in her presence lol.

But if asked if I played anything, then sure, I'd say so. But it wouldn't be the first thing out of my mouth.
 
Top