What annoys me is when drummers give drummers a bad name. Being insensitive to singers, soloists, and generally showing everyone how unthinking they can be while onstage pees me off. Playing drums...there's a huge social aspect of it that needs to be recognized. If you are stepping all over someone who is trying to sing, or playing so loud without regard for anyone else...that reflects badly on drummers. Conversely, in the right hands, a good drummer can elevate the show to amazing heights and really touch people in a positive way.
There's a few basic rules I try and follow that served me well.
Never be the loudest guy onstage. Listen listen listen. Eyes wide open. Always look at the soloist or singer you're supporting for visual cues as to where their solo is headed. I get many compliments from guitarists in the audience about how they appreciate the fact that I am transfixed on the soloist.
Drums are a supportive instrument, which means it aint about the drums, it's about everyone else first. You really have to know your role in an ensemble situation.
When I was first starting out, and the soloist would be soloing, I used to think, this is the part where I can play whatever I feel. So, so wrong. I didn't yet know how to be supportive. I didn't even know I was supposed to be supportive! I wasn't thinking at all about what the soloist needed me to play during their solo. You have to be musically very giving, to be a drummer that others will want to hire over and over again.