Talking with one of my old guitar players..

[bearblastbeats]

and he tells me he would rather pour salt in one of his hemorrhoids than to ever be in a band and play music again.

His claim is that nobody cares about real art or music anymore, and that he would rather stay home and smoke meats.

A part of me wants to agree with him, especially the part where he mentions playing in cover bands is just another job.

I haven't really played since before covid, and the few times I jammed with some people it didn't really go anywhere. I spent a lot of my time with a house reno, raising my son, and just spending time with family.

Year ago, I was on the look for bands and gigs all the time, and even though I have an audition next week for a band which gigs 3 days a month, I just on the fence about the whole 'work' part of it.

Is it really worth it? Am I losing my drive and becoming too settled?

Am I getting... old?

 

[SharkSandwich]

I guess the real question is do you enjoy playing drums and making music with other people?
If the answer is yes, then getting together with other musicians and playing should be worthwhile and enjoyable for you.

If the answer is no then maybe it is time to move on and find something else that motivates you.

 

[Xstr8edgtnrdrmrX]

I could not ever imagine myself not playing music...ever

I could imagine myself smoking some brisket....but would still be playing in bands

I think you just have to be patient, and pick your battles as far as finding gigs though...at least I have. I have been playing drums and/or bass now since 1983 in bands, and have never had a period of time where Ii was NOT playing in a band I didn't like. I also have been very picky about who I play with, and am pretty lucky, bit I think that my being super-choosy in the beginning helps.

I also have found that playing in bands where the music is the most important thing on everyones minds has helped. If I am in a band situation where other things - especially drinking and drugs - creep in, I get out.

 

[Cmdr. Ross]

I guess the real question is do you enjoy playing drums and making music with other people?
If the answer is yes, then getting together with other musicians and playing should be worthwhile and enjoyable for you.

If the answer is no then maybe it is time to move on and find something else that motivates you.

I was in this place for about 6 months. I even went as far as putting my drums away & taking up learning the bass.
Then it hit me: I already have an instrument I know & love and I should "put in the work" to be as good wit that as I can.

For some reason, that was the motivator that got me back on track and I never looked back.

I feel his pain & would tell him to just slide his guitar under the bed for a short time & regroup. We musicians get the itch to play because it's in our blood. We put WAY too much time & effort into our craft to just hang it up. Playing with other people helped me stay the course and the pressure of doing the bar thing was even better.

 

[PorkPieGuy]

No one is too old IMO.

With that said, only you can answer this question as far as "is it worth it?" My answer? I don't know. Sometimes, it's just not, and sometimes it is. I think most everyone goes through phases where they want to sell all their gear, buy a hammock and a case of beer, and try to forget all about playing music. Then, there are times that it's all you can think about.

When my first kid was born, I all but quit playing. I was still playing at church but that was it. I pretty much followed this trend for maybe 10 years before I started actually gigging again. My kids are older and easier to take care of, and I've taken advantage of opportunities to play out. I'm now in my late 40's, and I'm having so much more fun gigging than I ever did in my 20's with a lot more success as well.

There's an ebb and flow to everything. Do your best to enjoy each phase of your children. I do my best to do this, and I appreciate all the time I get to spend with them.

 

[Arejay Destroy]

Everyone cares about music. I think people just don't care about it as much as we do.

 

[bearblastbeats]

No one is too old IMO.

With that said, only you can answer this question as far as "is it worth it?" My answer? I don't know. Sometimes, it's just not, and sometimes it is. I think most everyone goes through phases where they want to sell all their gear, buy a hammock and a case of beer, and try to forget all about playing music. Then, there are times that it's all you can think about.

When my first kid was born, I all but quit playing. I was still playing at church but that was it. I pretty much followed this trend for maybe 10 years before I started actually gigging again. My kids are older and easier to take care of, and I've taken advantage of opportunities to play out. I'm now in my late 40's, and I'm having so much more fun gigging than I ever did in my 20's with a lot more success as well.

There's an ebb and flow to everything. Do your best to enjoy each phase of your children. I do my best to do this, and I appreciate all the time I get to spend with them.

That hit's it I think. Being with my son is special after working all day. And I continuously feel bad I've spent so much time on the house. I'm 35, my guitar friend in this post is 44.

My son being 3 now should be easier for me to get out once a week and play, and for him to come to gigs and see his dad playing. Like I used to with my dad.

 

[PorkPieGuy]

My son being 3 now should be easier for me to get out once a week and play, and for him to come to gigs and see his dad playing. Like I used to with my dad.

Dang, three years old! That's awesome.

When it comes to raising kids, someone once told me that the days are long, but the years are fast. They are so very right.

 

[bearblastbeats]

Dang, three years old! That's awesome.

When it comes to raising kits, someone once told me that the days are long, but the years are fast. They are so very right.

It's crazy. Seems like only yesterday we were bringing him home. Now, hes a good 40" and climbing up rock walls, running circles around us, coming up with the funniest sentences/thoughts. I tried to get him into a little drumming but he is leaning more towards building and using my tools. Though yesterday he did see the electronic kit in the garage and got to whale on that a little bit!

 

[C. Dave Run]

I agree. I stopped gigging in 2002. I've jammed with others for fun and at parties since then. I've programmed drum tracks since then. But I'm not joining a working band again.

I enjoy being a hobbyist. I can work on whatever I want whenever I want. Its absolute drum freedom. I prefer it this way.

I do still work on stuff. I do still strive to improve. I just dont need the rest of it to be happy.

 

[larryace]

I'm done with gigs/being in a band for the most part. Since 2018 when I had some health problems. I never would have predicted this would happen. It changed the arc of my life. I'll sub once in a while, but gigging...I don't have the energy to work electric all day then do an 8 hour gig anymore. Any gigs in my world kind of suck since COVID. It's a good time for me to switch gears.

I've been there done that and it was great. Now I feel differently about it. There's no loss of happiness, just a shifting of my gears to things that are different from what I did for the last 19 years. I got my first dog. I must pay off my house so my wife and son will have a paid off house, that's my #1 goal now. It's strangely OK with me. I still practice and do sub gigs once in a while.

 

[Jeremy Crockett]

I must pay off my house so my wife and son will have a paid off house, that's my #1 goal now. It's strangely OK with me.

Yes sir. Priorities.

For 18 years I did not touch an instrument and it's nearly been 2 years since I got back "into" playing at all.

I have no idea where "playing out" fits in with me at this point. I know that somewhere in the back of my mind, I would like to at least play with other musicians with some kind of regularity. But, facing it head-on, bass and drums are in the "Hobby" category. For now, anyway.

 

[Cmdr. Ross]

Everyone cares about music. I think people just don't care about it as much as we do.

This.
The bar crowd I normally play to is pretty consistent no matter the location. Some get up to dance (usually on the 2nd set after the alcohol has kicked in), some sit & watch and the others just ignore us.
I'm fine with them all as I'm there for me & the bandmates. The participating crowd is a bonus.

 

[ottog1979]

I also have been very picky about who I play with, and am pretty lucky, bit I think that my being super-choosy in the beginning helps.

I also have found that playing in bands where the music is the most important thing on everyones minds has helped. If I am in a band situation where other things - especially drinking and drugs - creep in, I get out.

THIS! Nearly all my music-playing frustrations come from not following the above.

 

[Xstr8edgtnrdrmrX]

This.
The bar crowd I normally play to is pretty consistent no matter the location. Some get up to dance (usually on the 2nd set after the alcohol has kicked in), some sit & watch and the others just ignore us.
I'm fine with them all as I'm there for me & the bandmates. The participating crowd is a bonus.

yeah, if I ever worried about the crowd, I would be a depressed mess.

In my cover bands, I play for me, my band mates, the people who have inspired me, and then the crowd.

in my original bands, I focus waaayyyy more on the crowd b/c they are there taking a chance on new music. We are not "background noise". Their opinion matters more b/c they are more invested. I still play for me, my band mates, the people who have inspired me as well. That is a constant.

 

[BruceW]

I wonder about this often. I didn't play at all for 20 years (family, career) and now that I'm back playing again, I realize what a regret that is. So I'm playing as often as I can, making up for all that lost time.

That having been said, I'm getting older, as are the people I play with. I have no doubt that this band will be the height of my playing, and that I won't play in a band that works as much as this ever again. Yes, "just a cover band" for the most part. (We did write and record an album during the initial Covid shutdown., and kind of talk about maybe doing another down the road.) We don't make much money, and drive too far and are out too late on many of these gigs.

And I love it. I love playing in front of people. Even Wagon Wheel
I'm sure that I'll miss it, when we're done. Hopefully not too soon...

 

[Nacci]

My favorite part about being in a band is the agreeing on and learning new songs then watching them transform from stumbling embarrassments to well crafted covers.

It’s something to do. We’ve played shows that were well attended and the crowd was really into us and plenty of Elks and Eagles clubs picnics where I was begging for it to end.

At the end we always mange to have a shot and a beer and put $100 in cash in our pocket and move on to the next one.

Join the band, try to have some fun and don’t expect too much from it.

 

[River19]

I think if you love music and playing, then finding the RIGHT people to share that with is the key. The successful wedding band I was in for years was filled with older players (players older than I am). When I was in my early 30s they were in their late 50s . I'm 46 now and they are in their late 60s to early 70s. The grind was too much for them as dealing with the BS that comes with that scene. None if us "needed" the money as we all had careers outside music.

To tell you the truth, the grind was getting to me as well. The weekly rehearsal nights were long drives and late nights

Since then I have stayed in touch with everyone I have ever played/worked with from High School etc. With the advent and relatively low cost to entry, the online session sharing world is serving us well. Now that I have my home studio up and running I have been cutting 3-5 tracks per week after work, rainy days etc. This is holding me over and I really don't feel the need to go gig as much I used to. I see the occasional ad for "Drummer Wanted" in a working band locally and I go....."well maybe...." Then I think about the late nights, the bullshit and then the up and down with COVID and I just go back to the studio, cut a track, go upstairs and have a drink and forget about joining someone else's band.

 

[Cmdr. Ross]

Then I think about the late nights, the bullshit and then the up and down and I just go back to the studio,

The blues band I'm in are made up of over 50 older guy like me. We play early shows in towns with an older population as they dip out by 9 most gigs.
I haven't had a gig go past 9:30 in 2 years & I can say I wouldn't want to go back to the 10-1am gigs like I used to do.
You get spoiled by being in bed by 10:30 (even with the drive) over not getting in bed before 2am.

As many have said, "I'm getting too old for that crap".

 

[River19]

The blues band I'm in are made up of over 50 older guy like me. We play early shows in towns with an older population as they dip out by 9 most gigs.
I haven't had a gig go past 9:30 in 2 years & I can say I wouldn't want to go back to the 10-1am gigs like I used to do.
You get spoiled by being in bed by 10:30 (even with the drive) over not getting in bed before 2am.

As many have said, "I'm getting too old for that crap".

The worst are the times when we were the first of 3 bands and we couldn't clear our gear until the last note was played by the last band. Eff me.
When people ask me "do you miss it?".......my standard response is "I miss the playing at the gig itself, damn near everything leading up to the gig and after the gig (short of the "atta boys") I am all set with now". That period of playing at the gig at this point does not outweigh the other stuff. Add in all my other interests in life and the opportunity cost is just too high now. I will gladly cut tracks in my studio at my leisure and mountain bike, fish, hunt, golf, support my wife and her equestrian money pit....I mean "hobby" etc.

I'm also all about different experiences in life. During the period of heavy gigging I realized I was living the same week over and over. Mid week rehearsal, late night. Friday night load the gear into the rig, Saturday...drive, unload, sound check, change into tux etc., play long wedding, breakdown, load, drive, late night.......lazy Sunday as I would be exhausted......rinse and repeat..... the $ kept me going and I didn't want to be the one to cry "uncle".....

Would I entertain a local casual blues band gig, possibly.....it is like putting on a comfortable pair of shoes. 12 bar blues in the key of "boom"....I got it....

I can understand the OP's guitarist friend and wanting to just smoke meat, drink a few beers and maybe bust out the acoustic around a fire with friends......doesn't sound too bad.