Some band troubles....

Funky Crêpe

Silver Member
A few months ago I joined this pop rock band. Not my style, but I wasn't doing anything else at the time. After some time, the leader has invested and gotten like 10,000 euros worth of equipment and is putting in 16 hour days. He is in his 40's very passionate, and he knows this is his last chance I think. Very good music, just not my "kind" of music. Now I told him in Jan that I might be moving to montreal next jan, he accepted this. Now, things are starting to get going, sponsorships, band pics, album on the way....the man's main phrase is "world domination", and a nice one at that. I just came back from a job interview that went very well. And I need to start saving money to move away, ans I also need to start putting back in the hours again to practice, and make videos. With a job, saving all the money and not putting it into the band, and also needing time to practice...after our re-launch gig on saturday ( which will be big) I plan to tell them that I'll need to leave the band when they get a replacement.

This guy is the angriest person I have ever met. 2 days ago, I was 15 mins late, because I had an hours cycle to get there, he gave out quite a bit. Yesterday he was an hour and a half late, I ASKED why he was so late, and he almost hit me, a 19 year old half his size like. Telling him this will surely push him over the edge. I know I made a bit of a commitment to the band, but am I wrong for springing this on a band that is just getting off? I have to do it regardless, but whether or not I should feel bad is what I'm wondering!

Whether to get angry when he does after I say my peace, or to cower back and say "I was really wrong, sorry"....any of ye in this situation

Cheers for reading this!
 

Travis22

Senior Member
Kind of a rough one you are in here. I don't think you should feel TOO bad though. Sometimes things just don't time out right. And from the sounds of it, you aren't trying to screw this band over, and they will eventually see that. You didn't know this band would be where it's at so quickly, and you also already gave him a heads up, so it's not like a total surprise. You definetly should stick around until either they have a replacement or you have to move, but I think you already know that.

As for dude with a temper, I say just be ready for whatever, ya know? Maybe talk to one of the other guys in the band first so that you have someone to get your back if he just goes bananas. Though I must say I wouldn't have stuck around in a band with guy like that anyway. Props to you for being VERY easy going. :) Goodluck.
 
M

mediocrefunkybeat

Guest
Those that can dish it out, but not take it aren't worth your time eventually. If you've already told him that you're not committed long-term, then I don't see that you're doing anything wrong.
 

Big Foot

Silver Member
What you have with him is a job (and commitment) and any job you plan to leave, for any reason, require some notice. - Over here (Montreal actually) it's typical to give 2 to 4 weeks notice depending on how difficult it is to replace you - you seem to have that covered.

I've just left a "job" w/a guy I've worked w/for 9 yrs (known him for 35yrs) because the situation was becoming oppressive and poisonous. He too is (has become) potentially one of the most angry (explosive) people I know. I had to leave. I'm kinda in limbo right know doing this and that but I'm better for it.

Do what you have to do.
 

larryace

"Uncle Larry"
On the bright side, he must really like your drumming to be so upset over your departure.
You are doing the best you can. Just don't stray from the high road.
 

Zeus Mutation

Senior Member
Did I read that your 19? If so, let me tell you something it takes half your life to figure out...

TIME - The wealthiest people on this Earth cant buy it, Scientist can't control it and the only person who owns it is You!

Don't waste Your time ... be an honest person and never let someone take your time, especially if you don't really like the time your spending on whatever it is your doing.

TIME is not forever or renewable.
 

toddbishop

Platinum Member
First, you're 19 and Montreal isn't going anywhere- have you considered sticking around and seeing what develops with the band? It sounds like it's a solid project, even if you don't dig the music. The thing doesn't need achieve world domination- or even Cork domination- to be worth your while. If the guy can set up a tour, I think you should do it. Take the field experience. It may lead to better things, or if it doesn't, at least you'll have a tour under your belt.

Also, it was unclear from your post- are you putting your own money into this project?

Don't make your decision based on his personality- you'll deal with worse people. It doesn't sound like he's history's biggest a-hole. Being able to keep your cool while someone else is losing it is a good skill- maybe take it as an opportunity to work on that.
 

Funky Crêpe

Silver Member
I have thought about staying with the band but the thing is that I need to get better. I have gotten as far as I can ,technically anyway, with playing along side them. I took this year off to practice, and that is not going to plan! I can play rock and pop, but I need to get better at my jazz and latin drumming. Not gonna happen if I spend all my time with this band. Having a tour under my belt would be nice, but failing to cut it in a new and strange city because I didn't put in the hours when I could isn't! :) I always take that point about time a few of ye brought up. I think I should use it to practice, not sit around recycling the same licks and grooves to the same songs constantly.

I'm paying for the rent on the band room, and a few other things, thats about it. He is the only one with money to buy "real" equipment....I know, we're losers! :p I have only invested a lot of time, not money ( which sucks, to think my work on a few of the tracks will be pointless, I am proud of one or two). But it has been a great experience though. I will definately stay until a replacement comes.

Funny how these two things interlink though. I'm starting my first day of work the VERY next day after our launch gig! And its over late man!

I especially love the way zeus put it, the concept of TIME. Don't let anyone steal yours, love it! :)
At the end of the day, I don't have fun when the band leader is around, none of us do. But its an awkward social situation, given that one of them lives with him. I think the band will have a different line up in 6 months, I might as well head off, save up money, practice, and realize my own dreams. I'll just have to endure a very very hard conversation ( or shouting contest, which ever kicks off)

Thanks to ye for the input, nice to have a place where a good rant is appreciated :)
 

fixxxer

Senior Member
Sounds to me you've given plenty of notice as to your plans for leaving. I agree that it would be cool to stay around to see how far this project will go but you have to do what you have to do.
Here's the problem I have with the whole thing- If this guy throws fits and likes to use physical intimidation to get his way then I'd be gone real fast. It's not your fault that this may be his last oppurtunity to make it in the music biz. It seems that if this is his position he would need to be a little more courteous to those he works with and those that can help him get to where he wants to be!
I say whatever you do, DO NOT stay simply because of his intimidation. The way I see it, he can either have your services for a while until your situation for moving comes (or he finds a replacement), or it could end today. And then, where would he be?
Dont be pushed around!
 

Funky Crêpe

Silver Member
Sounds to me you've given plenty of notice as to your plans for leaving. I agree that it would be cool to stay around to see how far this project will go but you have to do what you have to do.
Here's the problem I have with the whole thing- If this guy throws fits and likes to use physical intimidation to get his way then I'd be gone real fast. It's not your fault that this may be his last oppurtunity to make it in the music biz. It seems that if this is his position he would need to be a little more courteous to those he works with and those that can help him get to where he wants to be!
I say whatever you do, DO NOT stay simply because of his intimidation. The way I see it, he can either have your services for a while until your situation for moving comes (or he finds a replacement), or it could end today. And then, where would he be?
Dont be pushed around!
Yeah, I get what you mean. He never intimidates me, after blowing off he looks away, I smile because I find it funny, how angry one man can be you know! But it is just a bring down when he picks on one guy. This guy ( in all fairness) does do a lot wrong, but he shouldn't get demeaned. Either fire someone or try and help, don't flip! Cool, cheers for that one.
 

double_G

Silver Member
i had to chime in here since i REALLY do not like band "bulllies". i have had to deal w/ 2 pretty bad situations & it always turned out that the bully would use intimidation to push a certain agenda. they learned early on that most (jazz at least) players would back down v.s. a smack-down or smack-talk in public. this one band leader was a parole officer...real bad temper & agenda galore.

to be honest after what i have dealt with in the past, i would be tempted to provoke the guy into something final whether it be physical or loud crazy argument (what the heall is your REAL problem?)...break thru the bully wall & find out what his motivation is. this would probably make up my mind about the guy & the band..."ok this guy just has fear of failure...we had it out, lets work together & get it done" or " ok this guy is crazy / neurotic & i cannot work like this...i understand now, but goodbye"
 

inneedofgrace

Platinum Member
If you decide to leave, can you help the band find a new drummer and stick around until they are up to speed? Maybe if you can recommend some candidates, it might smooth things over a bit.
 

Funky Crêpe

Silver Member
If you decide to leave, can you help the band find a new drummer and stick around until they are up to speed? Maybe if you can recommend some candidates, it might smooth things over a bit.
Yeah, I'll give them a two month period where I'll play with them. But I'm also getting a 9 to 5 job for a while, so I don't know how much time I'll have for that...
 
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