I'd say the toms are the easiest of the lot to control. You can muffle the hell out of the bass drum too. Snare and cymbals? Forget about it.Regarding volume and mix.
Compared to guitars and keyboards we drummers have instant volume control.
If you want a cymbal to crash, you are going to have to hit it hard. The little ting isn't going to play the note. Same thing for the snare. You can play is quietly but if the song calls for some pop, you are going to have to give it a whack.