Easy dude, don't take it personal, I was referring to the OP saying things don't feel as locked in as he can't hear them. Your quote added to what I said.What does them playing loud have to do with keeping time? The guy in my band have great time actually and we are very locked in. We also listen to each other and play very tight. It's just too loud usually and I have to hit harder. At gigs I am always mic'd so it isn't an issue. I usually mic my kick at jam too.
I also have asked them to turn down on multiple occasions and it has worked out great.
I was just explaining to OP that if volume is his issue that is a way to get around it. and how loud bands can cause you to change how you play.