"Option to quit" for guitarists - how to do it tactfully?

larryace

"Uncle Larry"
Well the term sub is condescending by design. This is the Philadelphia area let's not forget. We're really not that nice lol.

Just by using the term in reference to someone filling in for me, I automatically elevate myself while condemning my peer to reduced status. For life lol.

It is most definitely a Dom thing lol.

Beats being a sub, right?

Works for me lol.
 

JustJames

Platinum Member
Madge, having re-read your OP - mostly to bleach the thought of BFY and Larry together in the hot tub from my mind - you really have literally nothing to lose. Your band can't move forward with these two guitarists. If you hurt their feelings and they stymie this band, well, this band is already stymied.

And if you behave like an upright person, their wives can't get cross with you.

My band used to jam for 2 hours every other week. We tightened that up to at least 2 hours (but usually 3) every week. Same time, same place every weekend. Not everybody can make it every weekend, but the rest of the band gets together and goes over stuff.

Regular rehearsals have (fancy that!) improved us no end, and expanded out repertoire, and our capabilities. We're all weekend warriors of varying experience and ability.

So get your rehearsals scheduled. As soon as it becomes apparent that one or more of the guitarists can't give enough time, ease them out. If they won't leave of their own volition, give them The Talk. Once you have regular rehearsals that they aren't attending, The Talk can be something along the lines of "Look, if I wasn't able to attend rehearsals, I'm sure you'd be looking for another drummer....so what would you do in my situation? I need a guitarist who can attend seshes."

I have some experience of tricksy guitarist departures, having had 2 family members in my band. One got pushed and the other (later and separately) jumped.
 

Magenta

Platinum Member
James dahling, I can't disagree with a single syllable, but as ever things are a bit more complicated. I would ditch him like a shot, myself, honestly and uprightly, but every time I mention getting another guitarist - or two - the singer and bassist wail "But who?" Well I don't bloody know who, do I, we haven't even looked yet. There's a chap from jam night who we'd all love to have, but his wife is very poorly so - surprise surprise - he can't commit. Their preferred option is to make it work with our current line-up; the more I think about it, the more I can't see that happening.

Funny what you say about making time for rehearsals, too. My other band usually rehearse on Wednesdays. At the moment, I'm often away on Wednesdays so guess what: we're rescheduling rehearsals. Although to be fair to the Slingbacks, rehearsals have never been the problem: there just hasn't been much point in having them when we can't accept any gigs.

James sent me a link to a site where we might find a guitarist, and I've seen one or two who might be worth a message. Worst-case scenario could be that I join the site myself and start a whole new band.

Slingbacks rehearsal on Sunday. Not optimistic about the outcome. Will let you know.
 

JustJames

Platinum Member
...Although to be fair to the Slingbacks, rehearsals have never been the problem: there just hasn't been much point in having them when we can't accept any gigs....
You're caught in a stale quo...a status mate...a catch plenty, too.

You don't have gigs, so you haven't scheduled rehearsals, as a result you aren't ready to get gigs, so you don't schedule rehearsals, and consequently are unable to accept gigs, so no need to have rehearsals and then...

Shake the tree! Stir it up!
 

Magenta

Platinum Member
Shake the tree! Stir it up!
I know! But if the singer and bassist aren't on the same page as me, it isn't going to be easy. Unless of course LG decides to fall on his sword.

Thank you for that link, btw. My gratitude was implied in my previous post, but it's far more polite to say it properly :)
 

mikel

Platinum Member
I know! But if the singer and bassist aren't on the same page as me, it isn't going to be easy. Unless of course LG decides to fall on his sword.

Thank you for that link, btw. My gratitude was implied in my previous post, but it's far more polite to say it properly :)
Would that suggest the singer and bassist are doing this for the social side, a meet up every now and then to get them out of the house? Perhaps the guitarists reluctance to commit to the band is based on some of the other members not being keen to rehearse to gig standard.
 

Magenta

Platinum Member
Would that suggest the singer and bassist are doing this for the social side, a meet up every now and then to get them out of the house? Perhaps the guitarists reluctance to commit to the band is based on some of the other members not being keen to rehearse to gig standard
No, Mike, it's more to do with the fact that they've been good friends for many years and that they genuinely like the guy, plus the fact that his creativity suits the band. They want to gig as much as I do - there's no question about that, at least, and the bass player reckons this band is the most enjoyable one she's ever been in, in 20+ years of playing. That's a pretty good reason in itself not to change the line-up :/
 

mikel

Platinum Member
No, Mike, it's more to do with the fact that they've been good friends for many years and that they genuinely like the guy, plus the fact that his creativity suits the band. They want to gig as much as I do - there's no question about that, at least, and the bass player reckons this band is the most enjoyable one she's ever been in, in 20+ years of playing. That's a pretty good reason in itself not to change the line-up :/

Well.....that gets rid of all the variables. He has to go. He seems to treat this band like a fallback option for a night out and a jam with old friends, whereas his musical and gigging enthusiasm is with the other band.

Three options from where I stand.
1. Get rid of him.
2. Accept the status quo.
3. You find another band.

But thats just me. As far as I am concerned band members are either in or out, there is no half way house.
 

tcspears

Gold Member
Well the term sub is condescending by design. This is the Philadelphia area let's not forget. We're really not that nice lol.

Just by using the term in reference to someone filling in for me, I automatically elevate myself while condemning my peer to reduced status.
In Boston we are called subs or hired guns... the union guys all call us Contractors or Sub-Contractors. I never thought of it as condescending as that's how I make my living, and I have no interest in being in one group full time.

Thank you for the definition; I'd never heard it called deputized before, but it's a cool term!
 

Magenta

Platinum Member
Update:

All is well in Slingbackland. We made it very clear how strongly we felt about the situation, without resorting to ultimatums (ultimata?), and before long Lead was suggesting places we can play, that he ought to be able to organise without too much difficulty. Now, we have been here before, but we are much keener now than we used to be, so there's no way things are going to be allowed to drift again.

We have pencilled in a couple of dates for next year for events that Lead is always being asked to do, that he's happy to play with the Slingbacks rather than his other band. Bass is very much involved with the local Pride movement and is going to move heaven and earth in an attempt to get us to headline at next year's do. We are also going to go on a bit of a charm offensive and market ourselves with considerably more oomph than has hitherto been the case.

After the talking, we played. And we played really well. We haven't been together since August, but you couldn't tell. I couldn't, anyway, so it looks as if the Dream Team are staying together.

I do feel relieved! I'd been looking around for other musicians but hadn't really found anybody, and the few I had messaged hadn't got back to me. We're going to need to keep our foot on the gas to make sure that stuff actually happens, but I'm very pleased at the way things have turned out so far.
 

Mount Saint Elle'ns

Silver Member
To be fair, it would be pretty exciting if Scotland Yard got involved, but don't go through that kind of trouble, just for us. x

Sounds like this worked out rather well. Nice work. Sounds like you have a lot to look forward to.
 
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