"Option to quit" for guitarists - how to do it tactfully?

larryace

"Uncle Larry"
Anytime there is a dilemma like this, part of me wants to advise to let the people in question read this thread. You are being totally honest.

It's probably bad advise for reasons I'm not thinking of, but really, IMO total honesty is the only direction to go in. It's a respect thing, and something you'll never have to apologize to anyone for, unless it's just to soothe someone's feelings. Your goal is no regrets. Treat them and yourself with utmost respect.

First butter them up, and lay it on thick. Tell them how much you respect them as people and players and how thankful you are to them. How if it wasn't for them and their capable guidance, the Slingbacks wouldn't be who you are, blah blah blah. Be genuine though. Then basically recite the OP to them and ask them what to do, you need their help. Put them in the power position. Ask them how to move forward. I hate to say it like this but when you compliment someone really well, especially egocentric people...they are like putty in your hands. It's their kryptonite, they like to be put on a pedestal.
 

Hollywood Jim

Platinum Member
Anytime there is a dilemma like this, part of me wants to advise to let the people in question read this thread. You are being totally honest.

It's probably bad advise for reasons I'm not thinking of, but really, IMO total honesty is the only direction to go in. It's a respect thing, and something you'll never have to apologize to anyone for, unless it's just to soothe someone's feelings. Your goal is no regrets. Treat them and yourself with utmost respect.

First butter them up, and lay it on thick. Tell them how much you respect them as people and players and how thankful you are to them. How if it wasn't for them and their capable guidance, the Slingbacks wouldn't be who you are, blah blah blah. Be genuine though. Then basically recite the OP to them and ask them what to do, you need their help. Put them in the power position. Ask them how to move forward. I hate to say it like this but when you compliment someone really well, especially egocentric people...they are like putty in your hands. It's their kryptonite, they like to be put on a pedestal.
Right on Larry!

And the more musician friends you make and keep, the more opportunities you will have to play.


.
 

Magenta

Platinum Member
Our singer has just come up with a rather good idea.

We're organising a rehearsal on Sunday, at which she is going to suggest that everybody commit to one date a month for a Singapore Slingbacks gig. If nothing is forthcoming within a specified time, the guitarists should be able to grab a gig at fairly short notice for their other band easily enough. She also thinks, not unreasonably IMO, that if the guitarists receive an enquiry for the date we have all agreed on, they should suggest the Slingbacks.

We're going to ask everybody to bring diaries so we can start getting ourselves organised and trying to line up gigs for the New Year.

This sounds like an excellent solution to me. If the guitarists don't agree, that's up to them. If they do, it's probably a win as although I wouldn't mind losing one guitarist, I don't want to lose the other, and knobbishness notwithstanding, we do play well together as a band.
 

tcspears

Gold Member
We're organising a rehearsal on Sunday, at which she is going to suggest that everybody commit to one date a month for a Singapore Slingbacks gig. If nothing is forthcoming within a specified time, the guitarists should be able to grab a gig at fairly short notice for their other band easily enough. She also thinks, not unreasonably IMO, that if the guitarists receive an enquiry for the date we have all agreed on, they should suggest the Slingbacks.
So you don't actually have the gigs, but you want them to block off the date? What happens if you can't fill that date for them? Do they just miss out on a night's pay? I would never reserve a date for a band without an actual gig, unless they are paying a retainer. That's a surefire way to lose players...

Why not keep them around and then get other players up to speed for the dates they can't make? If they consistently can't make gigs then you don't have to worry about it, and there won't be any hard feelings.
 

Magenta

Platinum Member
So you don't actually have the gigs, but you want them to block off the date? What happens if you can't fill that date for them? Do they just miss out on a night's pay? I would never reserve a date for a band without an actual gig, unless they are paying a retainer. That's a surefire way to lose players...

Why not keep them around and then get other players up to speed for the dates they can't make? If they consistently can't make gigs then you don't have to worry about it, and there won't be any hard feelings.
Yeah, the singer, bassist and I have talked about that and reached the exact same conclusion. The singer just wanted some sort of commitment from the guitarists, because we've never really had any. Their other band is always busy so obviously they have to put it first, and we don't mind coming second, but we are getting a bit pissed off with coming nowhere.

We are discussing possible deps as I type.
 

PorkPieGuy

Platinum Member
I'm glad it's working out.

I did have a quick question though that I don't think anyone has asked: What's the guitar player scene like where you live? Is there a nice pool of players that have the willingness and ability to play, or are there just a handful to pick from? No sense in letting someone go if there's no one else to take that person's place. Better to play a little than not at all.

Best of luck!
 

Magenta

Platinum Member
I'm glad it's working out.

I did have a quick question though that I don't think anyone has asked: What's the guitar player scene like where you live? Is there a nice pool of players that have the willingness and ability to play, or are there just a handful to pick from? No sense in letting someone go if there's no one else to take that person's place. Better to play a little than not at all.

Best of luck!
Thanks!

To answer your question: rare as hens' teeth, unfortunately, which is why we found ourselves in this predicament in the first place and why we've let the situation continue. We all have other bands now, though, so it's not as if we aren't getting any, so to speak, and there is at least one jam night regular that we three would happily have on board if he would be interested.
 

SquadLeader

Gold Member
The band I'm in once had a singer who let us down a couple of times.

T'other three lads came up with all manner of ways to eject him from the band.

But when push came to shove, because the others are basically sh1thouses (translation - scaredycats for the Americans out there) it was I who rang him one evening and said "Pete. This isn't working. I'm really sorry but we're going to have to ask you to leave the band. Sorry it hasn't worked out. Hopefully we can still be friends and meet up occasionally for beers, even maybe some shared gigs when you find yourself a new band, but for now this is how it is".

It's the only thing guaranteed to work in my opinion. The rest is just putting off the inevitable and potentially buying misunderstanding and malice.
 

SquadLeader

Gold Member
Yeah, the singer, bassist and I have talked about that and reached the exact same conclusion. The singer just wanted some sort of commitment from the guitarists, because we've never really had any. Their other band is always busy so obviously they have to put it first, and we don't mind coming second, but we are getting a bit pissed off with coming nowhere.

We are discussing possible deps as I type.
I don't understand why your band should have to come second.
 

SquadLeader

Gold Member
I suppose it is best done face to face - there's less chance of misinterpretation (and I can ply him with caek).

If I organise a rehearsal, that might actually prompt him to dip out, as he has a new baby.

Thanks to everybody for taking the time to reply. Hopefully I'll have a different guitarist to complain about before too long!
Personally (very much so) I think it's better done over the phone for all manner of reasons.

I don't think anything good can come from doing it face to face in person if I'm honest.
 

Magenta

Platinum Member
I don't understand why your band should have to come second.
Several reasons: because it's really just a hobby band, and because at least two of the other three of us don't want to be out gigging every weekend. Just once in a while would be nice, though. And because we are all in other bands too, so one of them has to come second and it seems right to me that it should be the less busy band.

It's the only thing guaranteed to work in my opinion. The rest is just putting off the inevitable and potentially buying misunderstanding and malice.
Just when I thought there was light at the end of the tunnel ...

Personally (very much so) I think it's better done over the phone for all manner of reasons.

I don't think anything good can come from doing it face to face in person if I'm honest.
I've already delegated it to the singer. She's a founder-member of the band, i.e. it's her band as much as it's mine and the bassist's; it was her idea to look for some kind of compromise: she can deal with it!

Honestly, I'd be surprised if it turned into a drama, but then again, there's nowt so queer as folk, and really, nothing should surprise me by now.
 

mikel

Platinum Member
"Thanks!

To answer your question: rare as hens' teeth, unfortunately, which is why we found ourselves in this predicament in the first place and why we've let the situation continue. We all have other bands now, though, so it's not as if we aren't getting any, so to speak, and there is at least one jam night regular that we three would happily have on board if he would be interested." (Quote)

Strange how shortages seem to be area specific. Where I live vocalists and keyboard players are like gold dust. Guitarists? 10 a penny.
 

larryace

"Uncle Larry"
But I thought a deputy gets a badge.

I've never heard the term until I saw it here.

They use the word sub here in the Philly area.

I think it stems from having a substitute teacher, that's the common term here.

We never had deputized teachers lol.

You people are wack lol.
 
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