Old people being cheated by their children

Al Strange

Platinum Member
I've already written my will. I have no children but I'm leaving some money (as well as some valuables) to my two nieces. That is MY choice.
The bulk of my money (and house) is going to my partner, if she lives on after me. At the point of her death whatever is left ALL goes to eco charities, animal rescue etc. NO I don't want my money to be 100% taxed, I want it to go towards wildlife, the environment and dog rescue.
If you want your gear to be properly looked after I can send you my details for the Al Strange codicil…:sneaky::ROFLMAO:(y)
 

A J

Well-known Member
There is definitely a flip side to that coin. My poor nephew is getting robbed blind by his mom and grandma. They dont work, draw 3 checks between the two of them, and never have any money. My nephew turns over his paycheck for bills and mortgage so no one ends up homeless.

Very true. "Theft and deception" are equal opportunity employers. Examples:

A VERY attractive (I'm married, so somebody else pointed this out to me) 40-year old lady bought a house with her sister about 15 years ago. Her sister is obese, lazy and doesn't lift a finger to do anything around the house. Recent medical issues with the obese sister have now transformed the "pretty sister" into a caregiver.

Her whole life revolves around caring for someone who doesn't even care for themselves. No decent guy will touch her.

My brother (single dude) expressed some interest in the pretty sister. They met. All went well but when he saw all the issues with the fat sister, he didn't walk... He RAN!
 

cbphoto

Diamond Member
I wanna know about the pendants she is wearing, and if there is a significance to their being on her left, as well as that color blue.
One of the lower medals probably signifies Wales.

"Kate could be seen wearing the Royal Family Order brooch, which is a portrait of Queen Elizabeth II and a yellow ribbon that is worn at all state banquets."

383B0B28-3575-4869-9688-B1981F0D8F4C.jpeg
 
Everything else after those formative years is just bandaging mental wounds and preventing more damage....
Agree with your post completely!!!
In the case of bad parenting yes. ABSOLUTELY!!!

Orrrrrrrr…. The other side of that ….
re enforcing and nurturing the lessons and life skills taught by good parenting in raising a productive , caring member of society. AKA just a good person 🙌🏼. Too many kids are raised by a “friend” rather than a parent .
So on this thanksgiving day , I am thankful for the honor and opportunity and privilege to have raised 3 such humans . They’ve exceeded in being good well adjusted caring young ladies beyond what I could have hoped for . I’d like to think my parenting and guidance had a hand in this , and I know it did .
So unfortunate that many grow up without proper love, guidance and and forethought by a parent or parents that are ignorant to the damage they’ve done and what they’ve sent out into society as it hurts us all collectively.
Saddens me to my core . 😢
 

A J

Well-known Member
Agree with your post completely!!!
In the case of bad parenting yes. ABSOLUTELY!!!

Orrrrrrrr…. The other side of that ….
re enforcing and nurturing the lessons and life skills taught by good parenting in raising a productive , caring member of society. AKA just a good person 🙌🏼. Too many kids are raised by a “friend” rather than a parent .
So on this thanksgiving day , I am thankful for the honor and opportunity and privilege to have raised 3 such humans . They’ve exceeded in being good well adjusted caring young ladies beyond what I could have hoped for . I’d like to think my parenting and guidance had a hand in this , and I know it did .
So unfortunate that many grow up without proper love, guidance and and forethought by a parent or parents that are ignorant to the damage they’ve done and what they’ve sent out into society as it hurts us all collectively.
Saddens me to my core . 😢

Congratulations on raising three good kids as a strong parent and not a "friend". You bring up an excellent point.

We don't have kids, but my wife and I are bewildered by parents who act more like friends than parents. My siblings raised their kids like this and they all turned out horribly. For example; when deciding what to cook for dinner, one mother actually queried each child as to what they wanted for dinner. She acted more like a waitress than a mother, and was rewarded by having to cook three separate meals for three separate brats.

Another friend of mine has two teenage boys. The kids are not expected to help with any chores whatsoever. They sit quietly in the house playing video games while Dad (who has already suffered one heart attack) is out shoveling snow. Both Mom and Dad think this is OK.

I have many more examples, but there's only so much bandwidth! 😉
 

Bozozoid

Platinum Member
Reading about these situations makes me wish Rod Serling..Alfred Hitchcock..and Vincent Price could all exact the perfect revenge on these scoundrels.
 

GetAgrippa

Diamond Member
Life deals everybody crap- it makes some bitter and some better. It drives some to excel and others drives crazy. Substance abuse can change the sweetest souls into freaking selfish demons . Mental illness impacts so many folks I think they’ve lost reality.

When my Mom died her older sister’s daughter shows up wondering where is her inheritance. My Dad had set up a trust to support Mom but he had no idea she’d live another 22 years after his passing to 92. So we had to sell our family beach house my Dad built with his own crew and spend all her savings. These old folks homes are so damn expensive it’s crazy. Mom lived with me then my sister a bit but she was happiest at a senior facility with her peers and friends. It was sad though because all her friends died - she outlived all of them. Pretty amazing because Mom had MS, colon cancer, and heart issues and survived all that. My wife and I have our retirement and a will which will give to kids if we die but we plan to fund ourselves from our planning. Our lawyer ,who set up will ,we had known for years working in children’s ministry- real kind soul. He had gone to law school and now practicing a few years. He told us how surprised he was dealing with families and wills- apparently turns people into slimy maggots- it was downright disheartening to see how mean and selfish family members can turn if they smell money. Sad lot of folks cause money isn’t really their problem so no cure for their sickness they’ll find.
 

larryace

"Uncle Larry" - Administrator
Staff member
Bad parents....I believe most of them had their own issues that were never dealt with. So they had problems too. This is the conclusion I reached while trying to untangle why I was basically ignored. My Mom had real problems that I just became aware of after her passing. She never dealt with them and now I'm trying to pick up my own pieces so I can move past my own issues. I blamed for years before I realized anything. Now I've forgiven her...it doesn't fix my issues...but it's a start.

By a show of hands, how many were raised with what is considered good parenting. I wasn't. I think good parenting is in the minority.
 

C. Dave Run

Gold Member
By a show of hands, how many were raised with what is considered good parenting. I wasn't. I think good parenting is in the minority.
I had 1 good parent and 1 bad parent. They divorced when I was 2, and both got remarried by the time I was 10. At that point I had 2 good parents, 1 bad parent, and 1 subservient to the bad parent parent.

I've also had numerous therapists.
 

Bozozoid

Platinum Member
Bad parents....I believe most of them had their own issues that were never dealt with. So they had problems too. This is the conclusion I reached while trying to untangle why I was basically ignored. My Mom had real problems that I just became aware of after her passing. She never dealt with them and now I'm trying to pick up my own pieces so I can move past my own issues. I blamed for years before I realized anything. Now I've forgiven her...it doesn't fix my issues...but it's a start.

By a show of hands, how many were raised with what is considered good parenting. I wasn't. I think good parenting is in the minority.
One parent..my mother. Saw my dad maybe 4 or 5 times. She never remarried. He was a worthless piece. When I heard that he passed I was like..any tea left in the fridge.
 
Congratulations on raising three good kids as a strong parent and not a "friend". You bring up an excellent point.

We don't have kids, but my wife and I are bewildered by parents who act more like friends than parents. My siblings raised their kids like this and they all turned out horribly. For example; when deciding what to cook for dinner, one mother actually queried each child as to what they wanted for dinner. She acted more like a waitress than a mother, and was rewarded by having to cook three separate meals for three separate brats.

Another friend of mine has two teenage boys. The kids are not expected to help with any chores whatsoever. They sit quietly in the house playing video games while Dad (who has already suffered one heart attack) is out shoveling snow. Both Mom and Dad think this is OK.

I have many more examples, but there's only so much bandwidth! 😉

I hear ya AJ !!!! So many more examples . A lot of kids and young adults will grow and
learn and change and turn out just fine, but why fight that battle with them and take that chance or waste all that time just to get you ore or young adult children to a place they should have been ( IMO) in their teens 🤷🏻‍♂️. Its so counter productive and not fair to your children and the rest of society. It’s so much easier , less grief and emotional drama to start em out as right as you can .

I’m far from an expert and have made my share of mistakes in raising them , all parents do , but I’m quick to recognize it and do all I can to remedy it . I try not to judge ( in my mind) other parents and their kids , but when you see the behavior of some parents it’s utterly inexcusable and no surprise their kids are the way they are and I’m not surprised .

It’s tough enough raising kids in todays world and for them growing up in it , so why add to the existing problems by not raising them lovingly with compassion AND discipline to have a sense of right and wrong, to be honest, thoughtful, caring , strong adults with some morals and values ???

Had more people done this , we may just not be in the position and have the world we do today .
Again , it’s not ALL parents and young people , but I think most would agree , if you just stop and look around , you notice that number has grown immensely over time .
It’s very disturbing and sad at the same time 😐.
 
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Xstr8edgtnrdrmrX

Diamond Member
Bad parents....I believe most of them had their own issues that were never dealt with. So they had problems too. This is the conclusion I reached while trying to untangle why I was basically ignored. My Mom had real problems that I just became aware of after her passing. She never dealt with them and now I'm trying to pick up my own pieces so I can move past my own issues. I blamed for years before I realized anything. Now I've forgiven her...it doesn't fix my issues...but it's a start.

By a show of hands, how many were raised with what is considered good parenting. I wasn't. I think good parenting is in the minority.

I was VERY LUCKY to not only have good parents, but good grand parents as well.

my parents sacrificed a crap ton for me and my sister; never babied us; made us both learn about self sufficiency and hard work; were always good role models;; were always quick with a swat or spanking when we deserved it, but also quick with love and praise when we deserved it; they never lied to us about expectations and rules. We got to mess up once - only once, and then bad things happened. Discipline, respect, empathy, and awareness were the key things that we learned would lead us to a good life.

We had a good mix of influences. Mom was poor, from a working class family. She was a hippie. One of 8 kids. Dad was from a really wealthy family. Marine Corps drill sergeant. Old school Republican. He was a lineman or AEP his whole life after leaving the military. Mom was a lab tech. We were working class growing up.
 

A J

Well-known Member
Bad parents....I believe most of them had their own issues that were never dealt with. So they had problems too. This is the conclusion I reached while trying to untangle why I was basically ignored. My Mom had real problems that I just became aware of after her passing. She never dealt with them and now I'm trying to pick up my own pieces so I can move past my own issues. I blamed for years before I realized anything. Now I've forgiven her...it doesn't fix my issues...but it's a start.

By a show of hands, how many were raised with what is considered good parenting. I wasn't. I think good parenting is in the minority.

I had two good parents. Excellent support and upbringing. No complaints.

Once Dad died, Mom went off the deep end. My Iraq deployment further distanced us. Nowadays, the only family I have contact with are a couple of my brothers. The rest are dead to me.
 

rhumbagirl

Senior Member
Mom is 82. I live with her - first for financial reasons, then for practical reasons like (a) being single, (b) working from home, and (c) being able to look after her.

She wrecked the car last year and my two brothers took the car away from her. She had a stroke 6 years ago and lost her short term memory. Speech and physical abilities unchanged. I agree with their decision.

But my two sisters, who don't want mom pilfering through their lives, are trying to get data points - mini-cog test, MRI, and neurology test - for a legal ruling to commit mom to assisted living, so she won't be living down the street from them.

I'm the only one in the family that has the resources to care for mom on a daily basis. So it appears reasonable to expect that everyone else - who either has a spouse, kids, or significant other - is in that bucket of people who have priorities potentially above that of an aging needy mother.

Am I right to suspect they may not have mom's best interests at heart?
 

Push pull stroke

Platinum Member
Mom is 82. I live with her - first for financial reasons, then for practical reasons like (a) being single, (b) working from home, and (c) being able to look after her.

She wrecked the car last year and my two brothers took the car away from her. She had a stroke 6 years ago and lost her short term memory. Speech and physical abilities unchanged. I agree with their decision.

But my two sisters, who don't want mom pilfering through their lives, are trying to get data points - mini-cog test, MRI, and neurology test - for a legal ruling to commit mom to assisted living, so she won't be living down the street from them.

I'm the only one in the family that has the resources to care for mom on a daily basis. So it appears reasonable to expect that everyone else - who either has a spouse, kids, or significant other - is in that bucket of people who have priorities potentially above that of an aging needy mother.

Am I right to suspect they may not have mom's best interests at heart?

I’m an only child. Living in fear of a similar situation. My parents’ neighbors, who we’ve been friends with since 1973, are great, but their health isn’t great either, and I’ve got LITTLE kids (2, 6, and 8), and I’m not sure my oldest child (24) is going to be prepared to move into my parents’ house with her fiancé if my parents suddenly need a lot of care.

What an awkward, crappy part of adulthood.
 

rhumbagirl

Senior Member
I’m an only child. Living in fear of a similar situation. My parents’ neighbors, who we’ve been friends with since 1973, are great, but their health isn’t great either, and I’ve got LITTLE kids (2, 6, and 8), and I’m not sure my oldest child (24) is going to be prepared to move into my parents’ house with her fiancé if my parents suddenly need a lot of care.

What an awkward, crappy part of adulthood.
At least your parents have each other. My mom has a life long school friend across the bay and we pick her up and take her out to eat twice a month. When there's an equal peer your age and someone you trust, things tend to go a little easier on everyone involved.

In fact, I think I'm going to try and get mom into her friend's retirement community so she'll be around people her age (and with plenty of time on their hands). They have half a dozen group activities every day of the week, including water exercise, group outings, bingo, etc.
 

cbphoto

Diamond Member
I think I'm going to try and get mom into her friend's retirement community so she'll be around people her age (and with plenty of time on their hands). They have half a dozen group activities every day of the week, including water exercise, group outings, bingo, etc.
Sorta like day care?
 

mattmc3287

Active Member
Bad parents....I believe most of them had their own issues that were never dealt with. So they had problems too. This is the conclusion I reached while trying to untangle why I was basically ignored. My Mom had real problems that I just became aware of after her passing. She never dealt with them and now I'm trying to pick up my own pieces so I can move past my own issues. I blamed for years before I realized anything. Now I've forgiven her...it doesn't fix my issues...but it's a start.

By a show of hands, how many were raised with what is considered good parenting. I wasn't. I think good parenting is in the minority.
I would be interested in how many people would answer that they had a happy childhood with good parents but were in actuality subjected to severe physical and mental abuse. For years, I excused the abuse I endured as a child. Discipline. Spare not the rod. My parents aren't monsters and abusers, they love me. Dad was on the city council and a well-respected dude. On and on my thinking went. It took a good amount of therapy to finally admit to myself that I was abused as a child and to bring it up with my parents to tell them that I forgave them. They still don't think what they did was abuse. Because it was nothing compared to the abuse that they endured as kids. Doesn't make it right but at least the cycle has ended with me. I will screw my kids up in my own unique and healthy ways by George!
 
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