Old people being cheated by their children

[A J]

It's been a re-occurring theme. Seen it so many times before. Recent examples:

- In my last job, one of my employees (sweet elderly lady) passed away. Before the body was even cold, her loser son stormed into the HR office demanding her life insurance proceeds. We found out later that this 80-something woman was sending a good portion of her meager earnings to her worthless son.... for years and years. Sad.

- A Hospice volunteer told me about an elderly lady who was convinced by her kids to enter a nursing home way before she should have. Once in the home, she was trapped. They sold or stole all her possessions, rented out her house, pocketed the proceeds and kept her quiet for 15 years. She just died yesterday. The children are rejoicing. The bank accounts and mutual funds are free. Free at last! The hospice volunteer was in tears. She absolutely loved that old lady. Sad.

- I'm in the process of purchasing a 5 acre parcel from an elderly lady who lives out of town. It's considered a "blighted property" by the township due to collapsed structures and junk piles. I'm gonna clean it up. She can't wait to get rid of it to avoid township fines. I love it because it adjoins a 15 acre parcel I already own and opens it up to an 80 acre state owned parcel. It's a perfect deal. I just spoke with her this evening. She told me that she's not going to tell her son about the property sale because he'll want the money. She said her son won't lift a finger to help clean it up, but will be all over her if he finds out she sold it and has some extra cash. Sad.

 

[felonious69]

Yup...people really can SUCK!

Mom will be 88 on the 16th.
She just recently asked me and one of my sisters to be medical/financial POA for her affairs. (Which we did...signed and all)
She's got ten kids.
I don't know that anyone would "suck" but Sue and I seem to be by far the best choices (IMHO)

Good on you AJ helping this lady alleviate her problem.

 

[A J]

Yup...people really can SUCK!

Mom will be 88 on the 16th.
She just recently asked me and one of my sisters to be medical/financial POA for her affairs. (Which we did...signed and all)
She's got ten kids.
I don't know that anyone would "suck" but Sue and I seem to be by far the best choices (IMHO)

Good on you AJ helping this lady alleviate her problem.

My brother (4 years younger) nearly died about 4 years ago. As he was laying in the ICU me and my other brother literally stood guard over him for 3 days to ensure a vicious ex-wife didn't shank him in his sleep. During the day, "well meaning" family paid him visits as he was unconscious. One of them even took photos and posted on Facebook! I was SOOOOO pissed!

Nowadays, he's changed his will. I'm the executor. I call the shots. Sadly, I my wife and I will likely outlive him.

In return, he's always been the secondary beneficiary of our will (my wife and I).

 

[Steve30907]

Getting rid of assets is a pretty normal thing for the elderly when going into a nursing home. I don't see why a hospice volunteer would even be interested in someone's finances. Elder abuse is horrible at the same time diminished mental capacity can keep someone from understanding what is going on and thinking loved ones are out to get them.

 

[A J]

Getting rid of assets is a pretty normal thing for the elderly when going into a nursing home. I don't see why a hospice volunteer would even be interested in someone's finances. Elder abuse is horrible at the same time diminished mental capacity can keep someone from understanding what is going on and thinking loved ones are out to get them.

The Hospice volunteer cared about the now deceased woman more than her family ever did. She's dead now. The family is exchanging high fives.

 

[C. Dave Run]

My father in law was basically robbed by his son and his junkie friends as soon as he died. Tools, vehicles, anything they could sell.

My mother in law cant tell him no. I bought my home from her. He convinced her to give him some of the money. Had I known this was happening I would have broken his fingers. All of them. With a hammer.

 

[jda]

you know A J "those people"...get theirs......Somewhere along the way; They get theirs
comeuppance I think is the word..

 

[AzHeat]

That’s pretty sad and I’ve seen it many times also. When my grandfather passed, I had only asked for two old WWI errs rifles. They weren’t worth much, but we shot them as kids and I just wanted them.

His second wife’s son, who is an attorney and quite well to do, moved in and took everything. He was also the executor. No one knows what happened to anything and no way for us to find out. He’s a freaking thief and a weasel.

My parents kept wanting to save what merger means they had to pass on to me. I’ve made sure they are spending every dime on their own care and wellness. They never had much and now in need of the resources. Glad they are taking care of themselves and not sacrificing to leave behind. We help them where we can, but their savings have really paid off for them these days. That’s how it should be.

We’ve even had a strained relationship for decades, but I wouldn’t be able to live with the guilt any other way. Don’t understand how so many are so heartless to their elderly families, but it’s the world we live in, being all about me and we see the results of it everywhere. It’s truly sad!

 

[Xstr8edgtnrdrmrX]

this all happened last year with my wife and her brothers. The middle 2 were/are like vultures. They actually pulled a bunch of underhanded legal stuff 10 years ago and switched the wording of the will and estate around without her mom knowing (both wifes are ambulance chaser lawyers) They wrote my wife, and her kids, out of the will. They wrested the POA from the oldest brother; tricked her mom into signing the documents (she was starting her journey into Alzheimers), and then told my wife that she was no longer allowed at family gatherings etc.

When her mom started to get real bad, they told my wife that she needed to move up to Michigan to take care of her b/c they were not goign to pay for home care. During this time, my wife found the adjusted estate documents, and had a fit. We have a good friend who is also a well known corporate/residential/patent lawyer. She brought the new "documents" home, ,and they went over them for months. He ended up being able to undo much of the adjusted issues, and also brought the two wives up to their respective bar associations....it was an awesome legal and karmic smackdown. We were able to get most of the original elements of the estate back into the correct format before her mom actually died. Her brothers were pissed...and it was awesome!!!

needless to say, they don't talk anymore - nor did they before hand - and it is the best thing that happened to my wife.

luckily in my family, we are not well off, so my sister and I knew from te start that we would be getting nothing. My parents always made it clear as well. But neither one of us were ever hardwired to be greedy like that....

 

[PorkPieGuy]

Although it's already been mentioned, I can't help but wonder how much of this ever-present greed is tied to addiction.

 

[No Way Jose]

Ha people think the world has changed.

 

[AzHeat]

Ha people think the world has changed.

It has. It's way worse than ever. Started getting that way when one's mere existence became reason for high self esteem. "The world is a better place because of you" vs. "Is the world a better place because of you?" The ladder is frowned upon!

 

[GretschedHive]

Ha people think the world has changed.

I have no idea what you're taking about. Children have never cheated their parents until recently.

 

[Al Strange]

If your kids feel entitled to an inheritance from you, you’ve got a problem…as a couple of guys above have said, such shenanigans are as old as time itself…

 

[TJK]

Glad I was an only child and divorced from my mistake when my parents passed. God bless them and thank you mom and dad for everything you gave me. I hope to do the same for my 2 kids when I go

 

[Mediocrefunkybeat]

If your kids feel entitled to an inheritance from you, you’ve got a problem…as a couple of guys above have said, such shenanigans are as old as time itself…

My parents are quite wealthy people. I would like something but fully accept that they might give their money elsewhere.

Reminds me of a story. A few years ago, my other half opened up an Ancestry.com account and started documenting her family history. She added mine on there (my family is very well documented...) and a couple of years later we got an email from an Australian lawyer from New South Wales who was working on the estate of a man called Michael. Michael was a highly-ranked Chess player and had an estate but no stated heirs and was looking for the closest living relative - who was my Grandmother (90 at the time), who was her cousin.

Michael had a sister called Marybell (who I met numerous times at family events) who had moved to the UK back in the 1950s but was Australian by birth. Michael had stayed in Australia. Marybell was a dotty social worker that lived in a flat that was part of Whitechapel Library in London. Marybell had died about a year before her brother and had lived a rather colourful life on her own up in London.

In the end, my Grandmother inherited something like £15,000 from Michael's estate. Which would have never happened had the Australian lawyer not contacted my other half. It wasn't 'chance' but there was a distinct chain of dependent events. My Mum and Dad looked after my Grandmother until she died last year (aged 92 - and on my Dad's birthday. Odd birthday present for his Mother-in-Law to pass away in hospital.) but that money was partially given to us.

I don't expect to inherit anything, it is not my right to inherit anything and I don't discuss it with my parents because it's ultimately their choice.

 

[ottog1979]

This may be an unpopular post, but it's relevant to consider that the parents raised the children. That doesn't make them fully responsible for how their adult children behave in the world but it's certainly a significant relevant factor.

 

[Al Strange]

My parents are quite wealthy people. I would like something but fully accept that they might give their money elsewhere.

Reminds me of a story. A few years ago, my other half opened up an Ancestry.com account and started documenting her family history. She added mine on there (my family is very well documented...) and a couple of years later we got an email from an Australian lawyer from New South Wales who was working on the estate of a man called Michael. Michael was a highly-ranked Chess player and had an estate but no stated heirs and was looking for the closest living relative - who was my Grandmother (90 at the time), who was her cousin.

Michael had a sister called Marybell (who I met numerous times at family events) who had moved to the UK back in the 1950s but was Australian by birth. Michael had stayed in Australia. Marybell was a dotty social worker that lived in a flat that was part of Whitechapel Library in London. Marybell had died about a year before her brother and had lived a rather colourful life on her own up in London.

In the end, my Grandmother inherited something like £15,000 from Michael's estate. Which would have never happened had the Australian lawyer not contacted my other half. It wasn't 'chance' but there was a distinct chain of dependent events. My Mum and Dad looked after my Grandmother until she died last year (aged 92 - and on my Dad's birthday. Odd birthday present for his Mother-in-Law to pass away in hospital.) but that money was partially given to us.

I don't expect to inherit anything, it is not my right to inherit anything and I don't discuss it with my parents because it's ultimately their choice.

Not referring to your folks as I don’t know them, but it’s always puzzled me why wealthier people don’t share their fortune with their kids while they’re alive to see them benefit from and enjoy it. No offence to our older members, but what’s the point of your kids inheriting a stack load of money when they’re in their late 50’s/60’s?! If you’ve brought your kids up right you can start seriously offloading your wealth on them when they’re in their late 20’s…and they’ll appreciate it rather than expect it…

 

[Mediocrefunkybeat]

My parents have been generous and I'm very grateful. I have elderly relatives and they have gifted money too which helped us buy our home a few years ago. I hope they realise/realised how grateful I am for their support. They also gifted money to my brother and to my cousins for the same reason. We're a very fortunate bunch.

 

[The Shepherd]

Not referring to your folks as I don’t know them, but it’s always puzzled me why wealthier people don’t share their fortune with their kids while they’re alive to see them benefit from and enjoy it. No offence to our older members, but what’s the point of your kids inheriting a stack load of money when they’re in their late 50’s/60’s?! If you’ve brought your kids up right you can start seriously offloading your wealth on them when they’re in their late 20’s…and they’ll appreciate it rather than expect it…

My dad died of Alzheimer's a few years back and had a fairly sizeable chunk of money when he passed away. We tried to get him to go on some golfing trips before he became too affected by the disease but he didn't want to. My brother literally begged my dad to go on a trip to Scotland (where he was from) and again he said no. Both times we offered to pay our own way as we just wanted to go on a family vacation, do something fun together one last time. To go see something different, to go golfing on a premier course at some far-flung location. I suggested Las Vegas, lots of sun, fun and golf available. Easy to get to and relatively cheap as far as accommodations and flights go. "No" was the answer.

He was content to go his golf course, have his pints of beer afterwards at the local pub and go to his one-bedroom apartment for a meal of chicken wings and fries. Rinse and repeat for years.

We couldn't get him to buy a computer for himself, to get a bigger tv when his eyes were going bad, nothing. It was his money and that was it. He wasn't spending any of it.

The government got a good chunk of it in the end. A pity.

I was the executor as I'm the oldest child. I'm so glad there was no fighting and drama between us. We split it three ways as was stated in the will. My brother and sister got one more penny than I did.