Negative effects of positive feedback.

MrInsanePolack

Platinum Member
When someone who cant play gives a compliment, it's just a nicety. They are being polite. It's no different than saying "cool shirt".
 

CommanderRoss

Silver Member
Don't play yourself up, Don't play yourself down. Just Play.

Best advise I've ever heard.

Either you like what I bring to the stage or you don't. Either way, I'm gonna keep on playin' (even if it's just with myself). ;) :LOL:
 

Mr Farkle

Well-known member
Well, I hate to say it, but you weren’t supposed to believe them. For me, as a player, I compare myself to the masters. I may tell myself I did a great job and that I was “on”, but I always know I’m not at the level of the masters (insert favorite genre professional here). And I’ll say “thank you” for the compliments, but I never believe them because it’s impossible to know what the average audience member liked or what they even know. In fact, saying “thank you” is the quickest way to get them to stop.

It sounds like you’re able to balance telling yourself that you did a good job while comparing yourself to a level that you will never achieve. When I do the comparison part (which I do) I fail at telling myself I did a good job, even if I did a reasonably good job. I don’t know how to balance those two things well enough to avoid getting discouraged. Currently the comparison moves me forward but it also steals some of the joy and I fear that one day it will tell me to quit trying.
 

Bo Eder

Platinum Member
It sounds like you’re able to balance telling yourself that you did a good job while comparing yourself to a level that you will never achieve. When I do the comparison part (which I do) I fail at telling myself I did a good job, even if I did a reasonably good job. I don’t know how to balance those two things well enough to avoid getting discouraged. Currently the comparison moves me forward but it also steals some of the joy and I fear that one day it will tell me to quit trying.
Your self-talk is very important to your mental health. As I know I will never be Vinnie or Jeff, they will also never be me. They inspire me to practice and play. Some people get discouraged and quit. You gotta find your own light. Every working musician I know KNOWS there’s always greatness to aspire to. You never really arrive. You just do it.
 

Duck Tape

Platinum Member
It's really weird but when I first started playing gigs people would come up to me and compliment me all the time. I think I was playing okay but in hindsight there may have been a degree of encouragement in their compliments, like "you're almost there buddy, keep up the good work!"

Then I wasn't getting compliments for a while, prob because I looked and sounded more confident. I joined a more professional band and the compliments returned, but they felt genuine, and it helped that we had a much bigger audience. I had gotten a lot better, so I was absolutely grateful for a compliment.

I think it's the harsh criticisms that I paid more attention to though - even the ones that were unfair/came from someone jealous. I think the handful of negative comments I've received over the years have helped me more than anything.
 

Andy

Administrator
Staff member
Only very very rarely do I receive compliments about my playing from drummers at a gig. Maybe there's a message right there in itself!

I do receive regular compliments on the band performance from the full spectrum of audience members though, & whilst not especially helpful for personal development, at least tells me my contribution was appropriate to achieving the end result.
 

Durbs

Senior Member
There's a strong parallel with photography too - this will sound like a rant...

The amount of people who buy a DSLR, take a photo, stick it on Facebook and all their friends and family gush over it, "you should go pro", and all the likes flood in - 9/10 (sometimes more), they're really not a good photographer, but people have good intentions and want to praise.
That person then posts on the photos to a photography forum - get's utterly ripped; poor composition, bad light, not interesting.

So good intentions from F&F, but as the OP says, negative effects of someone believing this as valid criticism and not actually working on their craft. Flipside being that all the crit from those with the skills can be de-moralising if given badly.

If someone posts feedback on the FB post. they'd be seen as overly hostile, if someone gushes on the forum - it's blowing smoke.

For drumming it's the same - your friends, family and most of the gig audience will generally be nice - and it's always nice to receive compliments - just recognise that they don't really carry any knowledge with it about your playing - BUT it does mean you've helped them have a great time, which is really the point of all this, no?
If you're at a jam night, and fellow drummers come and say nice things- that carries extra weight.

But in either of these situations, I think it would be rude for anyone to come and actually offer constructive criticism - I know that if post-gig someone came up to me and said "man, your tempos were all over the place", or "that fill was sketchy", I wouldn't receive it well, even if valid.
 
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