Vintage Old School
Gold Member
There's a thin line between being encouraging and being critical in our culture. I think the quality of the relationship you have with those complimenting you has a lot to do with whether you should put any stock in what they tell you and what you should take lightly or dismiss altogether.
It's a balancing act between encouraging people with where they're at in their particular journey and choosing one's words wisely to help them improve themselves. My youngest daughter always wanted me to offer suggestions on how she could improve at something. She never took it as me being critical. She knows I love her deeply and any suggestion on how she could improve was a positive thing in her eyes. My oldest daughter thrived on encouragement by focusing on the positive things she was doing.
Often with friends and colleagues who ask me what I think, I'll more than likely give them an appropriate compliment. But if they're fishing for a compliment when some correction is in order I'll always ask them the same question: "Do you want me to be honest or to be polite?". Usually a lengthy, awkward silence ensues. Most of the time their response is "It's not that important" and they walk off. But by asking them permission for me to be honest, those who want to hear what I have to say are much more open and receptive to my words on how I think they could improve. They also know in the future if they ever want an honest answer they can come to me because I care for them.
It's a balancing act between encouraging people with where they're at in their particular journey and choosing one's words wisely to help them improve themselves. My youngest daughter always wanted me to offer suggestions on how she could improve at something. She never took it as me being critical. She knows I love her deeply and any suggestion on how she could improve was a positive thing in her eyes. My oldest daughter thrived on encouragement by focusing on the positive things she was doing.
Often with friends and colleagues who ask me what I think, I'll more than likely give them an appropriate compliment. But if they're fishing for a compliment when some correction is in order I'll always ask them the same question: "Do you want me to be honest or to be polite?". Usually a lengthy, awkward silence ensues. Most of the time their response is "It's not that important" and they walk off. But by asking them permission for me to be honest, those who want to hear what I have to say are much more open and receptive to my words on how I think they could improve. They also know in the future if they ever want an honest answer they can come to me because I care for them.