My Most Sincere Apologies to All on DW!

AzHeat

Platinum Member
Last week a post was published which I should have stayed away from, but failed! My subsequent replies were uncalled for and very unfair to not only the individual being addressed, but also to all here on DW.

The post triggered an explosive emotional response based on the pain, memories and loss I experienced living under a tyrannical and oppressive regime, where former friends, neighbors and family turned on each other, generally fueled because someone took a different social, political or religious position than was considered acceptable. Sometimes, what was acceptable would shift, so one was never safe and could be called out at any time for something they said, misstated or even past associations with someone, however innocent. I don’t expect anyone to understand or even identify, but felt an explanation was required.

I was out of line and apologize for being disruptive, and downright shameful. I’m better than that, but through this experienced I’ve learned you can never quite bury the past. I’ve upset many and spent countless hours attempting to reply directly to those I know, or who have since reach out to me personally. Unfortunately, nothing can be said to erase the words or damage to myself and others here on DW.

The forum administrators have been very gracious and not deleted my account despite my requests to do so. I’m thus grateful to have to opportunity to formally and personally address you all and express my apologies. My most sincere apologies to our forum administrators as well. I made your jobs way tougher than already.

I’ve learned more about drums and being a drummer in the last 4 years, than the prior 35 without DW. I can never thank forum members and administrators enough for the knowledge I’ve gained and camaraderie. Please accept my most sincere apologies for my outburst. You all deserve better and will be treated with the utmost respect moving forward.

I have for the most part avoided the forum out of sheer embarrassment. Just prior to posting this however, I logged in and came across a thread and couldn't resist quoting from. Thank you cbphoto. Well said and words and actions to live by and most certainly online.

Here’s the thing about posting opinions online: it’s only divisive. The people that agree with that opinion will not dissent, and the people who do not agree with that opinion will always dissent. It’s polarizing.

Further, it never enhances the relationship between poster & reader in a healthy way. Those that agree won’t/don’t investigate why the opinion bolsters their belief. Likewise for those who disagree. Ignorance reigns and this leads to a decline in community.

Today, with all the hate/anger/vitriol/violence going on, we are witnessing mob mentality in action, and this is very dangerous to the individual because the mob is never for the best interest of the individual. A look at the history of governments that sprang from mobs will show unbridled death in those societies and countries.

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Once again, my most sincere apologies to all DW members and administrators. Words can't explain the remorse for my behavior!
 
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Last week a post was published which I should have stayed away from, but failed! My subsequent replies were uncalled for and very unfair to not only the individual being addressed, but also to all here on DW.

The post triggered an explosive emotional response based on the pain, memories and loss I experienced living under a tyrannical and oppressive regime, where former friends, neighbors and family turned on each other, generally fueled because someone took a different social, political or religious position than was considered acceptable. Sometimes, what was acceptable would shift, so one was never safe and could be called out at any time for something they said, misstated or even past associations with someone, however innocent. I don’t expect anyone to understand or even identify, but felt an explanation was required.

I was out of line and apologize for being disruptive, and downright shameful. I’m better than that, but through this experienced I’ve learned you can never quite bury the past. I’ve upset many and spent countless hours attempting to reply directly to those I know, or who have since reach out to me personally. Unfortunately, nothing can be said to erase the words or damage to myself and others here on DW.

The forum administrators have been very gracious and not deleted my account despite my requests to do so. I’m thus grateful to have to opportunity to formally and personally address you all and express my apologies. My most sincere apologies to our forum administrators as well. I made your jobs way tougher than already.

I’ve learned more about drums and being a drummer in the last 4 years, than the prior 35 without DW. I can never thank forum members and administrators enough for the knowledge I’ve gained and camaraderie. Please accept my most sincere apologies for my outburst. You all deserve better and will be treated with the utmost respect moving forward.

I have for the most part avoided the forum out of sheer embarrassment. Just prior to posting this however, I logged in and came across a thread and couldn't resist quoting from. Thank you cbphoto. Well said and words and actions to live by and most certainly online.



Once again, my most sincere apologies to all DW members and administrators. Words can't explain the remorse for my behavior!

I think what you are feeling is really par for the course. It's a scary, divisive time and it's very easy for those emotions to just spill out - especially online.

I'm glad you are back because I just ordered some Brooklyns - so we'll have the same snare and drums - so obviously you have great taste. :cool:

Upwards and onwards!
 
For me, apology accepted as a member, and a Mod. We all make mistakes, some realize it, admit it, and we all move on. Thanks Az. I'm for moving on. Peace.
Who isn’t feeling a lil extra fired up, irritable, emotional these days?? Handled after the fact like a gentleman. All good brother Az
I think what you are feeling is really par for the course. It's a scary, divisive time and it's very easy for those emotions to just spill out - especially online.

I'm glad you are back because I just ordered some Brooklyns - so we'll have the same snare and drums - so obviously you have great taste. :cool:

Upwards and onwards!
You're all much too gracious. @NouveauCliche Can't wait to read your take on them. Hope you don't get banished to low volume drumming like I did. They ended up cutting through walls way better than my previous set.
What happened???? I always miss the wild stuff! You can't delete your account! :cool:
Glad you missed it!
 
I personally deleted your last post in that thread, I think a lot of us just need a little time to cool off. Glad you're staying. :)

Bermuda
 
Agreed with Bermuda - everybody just needs some time to cool down. I responded to a thread yesterday that I felt was uncalled for and fortunately the moderators pulled my reply because they also pulled the post I was replying about. I will keep this forum just for drum and performance stuff, and I’m trying to lay off Facebook where my gentle trolling seems to be making people spin out of control.
 
First of all, kudos to @AzHeat for his apology and humility. I'm glad you did it, and I'm glad you didn't bail on us.

I'd like to comment on a behavior I've witnessed on various forums since I began using them back in the days of Prodigy and CompuServe.

Forums have always been a wonderful resource of information for whatever the topic is. An example on this forum, for me, is Larry's advice on how to remove yellowing from an old PVC wrap. I had no idea something like that existed, and could be used with such success. In my world of photography, when digital became mainstream there were thousands (millions?) of problems and issues that were solved through forum discussions.

But there's always someone who buggers it up with a comment that is insulting, offensive or completely off-topic. Always. They have a name for the guy that does it intentionally: Troll. They have a name for the guy that does it unintentionally: Idiot. In the past, I've been guilty of trolling people (not on this forum, really!) for the sheer pleasure of seeing their vomit on the website. It was wicked fun. Conversely, I fell for a troll's bait many times, myself spewing on a website with righteous indignity. Until one day I realized I was never gonna change anyone's mind, especially that of the Troll. That revelation was a relief.

We've all read posts—here and elsewhere—that trigger us. It's weird, but it happens. While reading threads you can almost sense the water begin to boil, then—BAM—someone unloads and communication breakdown occurs.

So, what to do?

On this forum, we can click on a member's info and click the IGNORE switch. Very handy, but what if that guy provides legitimate information to the forum? Then I lose the primary benefit of the forum.

My solution is to recognize that a post, whether or not it's directed to me, is useless in the context of the thread. It provides no value to the discussion, so I move on. I don't engage with the poster. I simply go to the next post or check another thread. No emotional triggering, no response on my part. That's one of the beauties of a forum, we don't have to respond!

Here's my hypothesis: People older than 55 do not get triggered like those younger than 40. The under-40 crowd was 15 years old when the internet went mainstream and it's woven into their psyche in a very different way than an "old dude". And if we take the current social unease/violence as an example, the 20-somethings appear to live & die on social media. They truly believe they're gonna change people's hearts and minds on social media. Most of them have no clue that ain't gonna happen. And that is a true waste of life & spirit.
 
Not a problem. You're now in the same league as Drew Brees. Apologizing for what you believe. Oh. Robert De Niro says what he thinks to. Chill and be you.
 
Agreed with Bermuda - everybody just needs some time to cool down. I responded to a thread yesterday that I felt was uncalled for and fortunately the moderators pulled my reply because they also pulled the post I was replying about. I will keep this forum just for drum and performance stuff, and I’m trying to lay off Facebook where my gentle trolling seems to be making people spin out of control.

I quit Facebook two months ago, after I got a 3-day ban for posting a George Carlin quote. Turns out they put their computer algorithms in charge of all that because of coronavirus (their moderators couldn’t come to work, and they didn’t have work-from-home in place yet), but I’m never going back. I hope Zuck ends up in prison. LOL
 
I don't know anything about the original post but that's one of the most sincere and transparent apologies I've ever read online. Thank you for writing such a thoughtful response.
 
We all screw up, but few man up to make things right. Glad you're still here brother!
 
Not sure why you had to apology for what you think, particularly if you bring a more broad perspective to what is happening here as compared to what you've experienced in another country.
 
Oh you're welcome with open arms bro. I think I missed the commotion but I like your apology. I agree with the administrators-to err human forgive divine. You've demonstrated character and that puts you in top tier in my book. Our passions can get the better of us-like at a faculty meeting when my peers thought I was fixing to open a can of whoop ass on a dean. I'd probably be famous and successful if not for acting like a gorilla and crapping where I eat.
 
First of all, kudos to @AzHeat for his apology and humility. I'm glad you did it, and I'm glad you didn't bail on us.

I'd like to comment on a behavior I've witnessed on various forums since I began using them back in the days of Prodigy and CompuServe.

Forums have always been a wonderful resource of information for whatever the topic is. An example on this forum, for me, is Larry's advice on how to remove yellowing from an old PVC wrap. I had no idea something like that existed, and could be used with such success. In my world of photography, when digital became mainstream there were thousands (millions?) of problems and issues that were solved through forum discussions.

But there's always someone who buggers it up with a comment that is insulting, offensive or completely off-topic. Always. They have a name for the guy that does it intentionally: Troll. They have a name for the guy that does it unintentionally: Idiot. In the past, I've been guilty of trolling people (not on this forum, really!) for the sheer pleasure of seeing their vomit on the website. It was wicked fun. Conversely, I fell for a troll's bait many times, myself spewing on a website with righteous indignity. Until one day I realized I was never gonna change anyone's mind, especially that of the Troll. That revelation was a relief.

We've all read posts—here and elsewhere—that trigger us. It's weird, but it happens. While reading threads you can almost sense the water begin to boil, then—BAM—someone unloads and communication breakdown occurs.

So, what to do?

On this forum, we can click on a member's info and click the IGNORE switch. Very handy, but what if that guy provides legitimate information to the forum? Then I lose the primary benefit of the forum.

My solution is to recognize that a post, whether or not it's directed to me, is useless in the context of the thread. It provides no value to the discussion, so I move on. I don't engage with the poster. I simply go to the next post or check another thread. No emotional triggering, no response on my part. That's one of the beauties of a forum, we don't have to respond!

Here's my hypothesis: People older than 55 do not get triggered like those younger than 40. The under-40 crowd was 15 years old when the internet went mainstream and it's woven into their psyche in a very different way than an "old dude". And if we take the current social unease/violence as an example, the 20-somethings appear to live & die on social media. They truly believe they're gonna change people's hearts and minds on social media. Most of them have no clue that ain't gonna happen. And that is a true waste of life & spirit.
Agreed with this. Thick skin helps, and if you don't have thick skin, the best thing to say is nothing. Simply move on. I had an Uncle who would pick the strangest side of issues just to argue. I fell for it too often. One day a bell went off. Just agree with him when around him and he'll have no one to argue with.. Most of the issues on this site that cause problems have absolutely nothing to do with drumming. I tried to keep the Off Topic section about music and the only "off" was drumming. I was over ruled by our boss and that is that. But that is where most of the bans etc. come from. Thicken your skin, bite your tongue and move on.
 
I remember when people didn't discuss politics or religion, and everything was better, imo...

Now, it seems like it's all people talk about, and things are... not better, imo.

I like playing drums.
 
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