My First Band has ended. Kind of. Need advice..

Armor of Light

Senior Member
Long story short:
Started as a 5 piece with 2 singer/guitarists 2 years ago. Me & Bass are 30+ year friends, but first band together. Bass & all other members are friends and have played in various formations for years. So I know 1 guy. The singers faded away, so we carry on as a 3-piece.

I find out that Guitarist wants to start playing with (another) old friend-drummer. Fine.
Bass joins them.."just for fun"..
Then they recruit original singer, and carry on with me being left out. But. not "because I suck or am an asshole". Guitarist just REALLY wants to play with his old buddy.
I'm sad, and need advice to process this. Seems like a bunch of crap.

After this, the Guitarist still wants to jam for fun sometimes, but I really don't. We had 75 songs down! I want to gig!
 

KarlCrafton

Platinum Member
Been in similar situations over the years. It happens, and I've been on both sides of that.
That sucks, but, I'd take your abilities elsewhere.
If the songs you have down are songs usually played by other groups in your area, go to some jam nights and see what/who is out there.
Nothing like something new to get over something old.
Just my 2 cents.
 

Timmy

Well-known member
Gotta swallow your pride and continue on. Thick skin is a blessing.
(It gets easier the older you get)
 

PorkPieGuy

Platinum Member
This sort of thing happens and it sucks.

If you want to gig, just find other people to play with. Get out and go to local shows! You'll be amazed at the people you'll meet. I landed the last two gigs I'm in by going to local bands' shows.
 

trickg

Silver Member
One thing I can tell you for certain, having been on the outs with a couple of bands and playing situations over the years, is that eventually something will pop up. It may not be THE group, but it will be something.

I don't know if they'll help, but I'll tell you about a couple of my experiences.

In one instance, I was part of a praise team for 5 years, but I'd felt some discontent with how things were being run, and since they had other drummers in the rotation (more drummers than we actually needed) I decided to step back and try my hand with another church who really needed a drummer, and before things devolved to a point where things were said, bridges burned, etc. That was in February of that year.

Unfortunately, I got fired from the praise team of the new church - long, very stupid story, and it highlights the worst of those who profess to be "Christians." That was in July of 2011.

Since then, I've done some playing around and have been on rotation on the praise teams of a couple of different churches, but none of it happened right away, although I subbed around a good bit. My current situation isn't something I'm thrilled about musically, but the reason I'm there is to lend my experience and expertise to a fledgling band, and they actually pay me to do it, so there's that - all of my other work had been pro bono before. However, I went a few years with hardly playing with praise teams at all, partially due the fact that I was already committed to so many other things - something else had to go before I could jump into something else full time.

In another situation for an upscale wedding band I'd been with, I got let go after 10 years with the band, again due to some really dumb reasons that stemmed from a general disagreement with the bandleader about another member of the group. That was in November of 2011, and I didn't work in a band as a trumpet player for a year and a half. I was thinking about hanging up the horn for good.

Ultimately me and the bandleader buried the hatchet, and partly because he never was able to find another player who brought to the band what I did, I was re-hired in August of 2013 (on my birthday, actually) and I've made a pact with him that I'll be with the band until the bitter end.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, don't give up - keep your chops going, and keep your ear to the ground for something else. You'll find it eventually.
 

brentcn

Platinum Member
That sucks, sorry to hear it. Take some time to heal. Watch some comedy.

Painful though it may be, you should ask yourself: what does the other drummer bring to the table? You mentioned he's a friend, of course. Musical things aside, how was your rapport with everyone else? Musically speaking, is there anything that the other drummer has going on, that you don't? If so, are you open to improving in some areas? Is there anything else the other drummer has, like access to clubs and gigs? Some things you can work on, and some you can't.
 

MrInsanePolack

Platinum Member
The situation sounds flakey to me. Like some people are with relationships. I'm gonna go do that chick now for a while, but when I get bored with her I may give you a call. Yeah, that kinda crap. I'd move on.
 

Armor of Light

Senior Member
That sucks, sorry to hear it. Take some time to heal. Watch some comedy.

Painful though it may be, you should ask yourself: what does the other drummer bring to the table? You mentioned he's a friend, of course. Musical things aside, how was your rapport with everyone else? Musically speaking, is there anything that the other drummer has going on, that you don't? If so, are you open to improving in some areas? Is there anything else the other drummer has, like access to clubs and gigs? Some things you can work on, and some you can't.

Their new band are all long time mutual friends. "Our Band" was me knowing only the Bass player (friend for 30 years) and I met the Guitarist twice in 1994.
 

Vintage Old School

Gold Member
There's a great line in the movie That Thing You Do where Dell Paxton (played by Bill Cobbs) says to drummer Guy Patterson, "Ain't no way to keep a band together. Bands come and go. You got to keep on playin', no matter with who."
 

V-Four

Senior Member
Long story short:
Started as a 5 piece with 2 singer/guitarists 2 years ago. Me & Bass are 30+ year friends, but first band together. Bass & all other members are friends and have played in various formations for years. So I know 1 guy. The singers faded away, so we carry on as a 3-piece.

I find out that Guitarist wants to start playing with (another) old friend-drummer. Fine.
Bass joins them.."just for fun"..
Then they recruit original singer, and carry on with me being left out. But. not "because I suck or am an asshole". Guitarist just REALLY wants to play with his old buddy.
I'm sad, and need advice to process this. Seems like a bunch of crap.

After this, the Guitarist still wants to jam for fun sometimes, but I really don't. We had 75 songs down! I want to gig!

Wow. That sucks. So, instead of being honest and "letting you go", they all quit.. then got back together...without you.
Like... Liberty Devitto said.. you just weren't asked to do the next thing (well, technically, asked to not do the current thing I suppose).

Either way, don't let it get to ya. Move along, and do something else, with grown ups. ;)


There's a great line in the movie That Thing You Do where Dell Paxton (played by Bill Cobbs) says to drummer Guy Patterson, "Ain't no way to keep a band together. Bands come and go. You got to keep on playin', no matter with who."
Good movie. Good advice too, I reckon.

T.
 

philrudd

Senior Member
Yeah, this sort of thing happens all the time...it's the price of doing business (and playing music) with humans. Sucks, but whattayagonnado?

I only offer up two pieces of advice:

1) Take advantage of the 'down time' to really woodshed and improve your chops. While playing with the band, you doubtlessly noticed aspects of your playing that you weren't happy with (not a judgement of your skill, just something we all do); use this time to work on those things. I'm very grateful to be playing fairly frequently nowadays, but sometimes I long for a few weeks off just to focus on practicing certain specifics. If you have a little time off, make that time work for you.

2) Network. And for me, that really just means meeting people; we're all networking all the time whenever we interact with others — and you just never know when those interactions will turn into something for you. One time, a band hired me to make a website for them, and I wound up being their drummer. Another time I struck up a conversation with a sound man and wound up playing in three different bands with him.

The important thing is to try and recognize opportunities around you, which isn't always easy - it could be in the form of a chance meeting, or a flyer outside a club. Even if it looks like a longshot, go for it! Nothing to lose, everything to gain.
 

larryace

"Uncle Larry"
If it takes place and actually occurs...then it was meant to be that way. There's nothing to do but accept it like a man, keep your chin up, and keep putting one foot in front of the other. Roll with it. Yea it stings and it sucks. It's like being dumped by someone you really liked. It hurts. But there's a reason this happened. Look forward to that reason, you don't know about it yet. Sometimes the stage has to be cleared for the next act to follow.
 

No Way Jose

Silver Member
Personally I'd get a beer, sit down, play with the cat and enjoy some free time. Then I'd go to an open mic somewhere and tell people I'm available if somebody wants to put a band together.
 
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