My first and last (hopefully) wedding gig.

mcbike

Silver Member
I played a wedding gig last saturday, hopefully my last. The couple are big fans of my band and they come to see us at least once a month. They definatley know what we do and what we don't do. We had a meeting with them a few months before the wedding and told them basically what we can and can't do and what to expect and warned them the everybody wants to have a rock band play their wedding but as soon as grandma is there they want us to tone it down and we don't really have that much toned down material. They insisted that we were perfect for their wedding and we agreed to learn two songs for the father/bride and mother/groom dance.

They didn't get us the songs they chose until a week before the wedding and we told them we couldn't learn them that fast so they agreed to let us just play it off an ipod.

The wedding was at the Petroleum Club of Houston which is the top floor of the Exxon building dowtown, you really have to know somebody to even get in there. The room actually sounded really good despite being all glass on 3 walls but there was a big high ceiling and heavy carpet and drapes. We loaded in at 2pm and did a nice soundcheck before the wedding.

They didn't have an m.c. or a dj so it turned out they needed us to m.c. the event which ended up not being that bad of a deal. I played some rat pack off my ipod during the cocktail hour and our singer mc'd the event.

We went into our first song which we started off with our lightest slowest 6/8 ballad and right off the bat the bride gave us the "tone it down" hand signal and the caterer came over and told us to turn it down. Everything was downhill from there. I was playing as quiet as I could totally choked up on the sticks and it was a workout trying to play that quiet. We ran out of ballads like 3 songs in and we had to try to rewrite songs on the fly to make them slower and softer. All in all I actually had a good time with the challenge and I was proud of myself for making it work despite the situation. The rest of the guys in my band were hating every moment of it though and it made it hard.

Everybody kept coming up to us with really stupid requests especially this one guy that insisted on us playing "We are Family". There are not any "sisters" in our band dude, not happening. This one old guy came up and demanded that we play a lindy hop. The other guys in my band had no clue what he was talking about but luckily I know all those dance tunes from my jazz band days but we didn't have any songs anywhere close to lindy hop. I told the guys to play jailhouse rock (which we have never done before) and the singer said he didn't know the words so I took on singing responsibilites (I am a terrible singer). We did the song and I faked the lyrics. I think the whole third verse I just kept singing "jailhouse rock" over and over again. We packed the dance floor for that song though so It went by okay I just hope they dont put that video on their wedding dvd.

The most annoying thing about the gig was during dinner they had this mariachi band come in and play with trumpets blaring. The joke was funny for about 2 songs and then it just got annoying. They were really bad too. Everybody was out of tune/time but for whatever reason they got away with it because they had sombreros on.

In the end they treated us really well, fed us, paid us well, and the groom tipped each of us $50, but I hope this is my last wedding gig. I now know why wedding bands charge double or triple what regular bar bands charge. I don't think any sum of money could make me want to do again. There is so much expectations for everything to be perfect from the wedding planner, father of the bride, caterer, bride. I wouldn't go to a wedding without knowing all those wedding songs. The best part about it is now when people ask us if we do weddings we can just say NO.
 
Wow where to start...First off, MC-ing the party at the last minute is asking a lot.
And your description of the mariachi band sounds like a headache in the making...
FWIW this is a great story. Nothing entertains quite like another persons trying tales...
So the caterers are managing the bands now? When did that happen?
They hire you when they are all drunk and having a good time, they forget that a wedding band is a whole different species.

Good job on the audibles though, you did what you could. You have great stories.
 
I know the feeling- my band turned down not 1 but 4 requests this summer to play at people's weddings.

We are a bar band and at least one of our guitarists has a hard time doing anything other than what was 'planned' or what we had worked on. He's a really good player he just cannot improvise to save his life.


It sounds like you guys did a good job- I just knew we would be a diasaster and I never wanted that responsibility of ruining the couples 'perfect' day etc
 
Wow! I have a "wedding/corporate band" that I play with about 7 times a year, and we never run into those problems. I guess it's 'cause we're geared towards that kind of gig and expect those things to happen. The pay is nice, too, and obviously why we do it.

Oh, and we DO play We Are Family, putting on our best falsetto voices, and we make. it. work. Especially since we get paid well to do it.

Every other band that I'm in (except one) has done a wedding or two in our time. Yes, brides/coordinators/parents can be completely "unreasonable" in their requests, but we put on a happy face and don't let our personal feelings ruin someone else's special day. Did I mention the pay is good?
 
That situation sucks. Especially since you've communicated with the wedding party what you guys can and cannot do. It sounds like a very ill-thought-out event. However, I wouldn't hope it was the last wedding. You never know, the next time you communicate what you do to the next wedding party, they just might understand. But it could be safe to assume that you're gonna have to play a little bit of everything to be able to do a gig like that. If you're unable to take requests then maybe weddings aren't for your band.

Lots of times when I get the call for a wedding, I'll be meeting people on the bandstand I've never played with before and someone is calling out tunes and we just go. You have to be able to roll with it. I've done enough of them now that if the bride and groom don't have some sort of person managing the wedding, they have too many issues to be thinking about let alone remember what they talked about with the band. It's a big day for them and they want it to be perfect, and even though this is basically their fault for putting you guys in that situation, everyone has to pull together to pull it off.

You should try being the photographer! Talk about pressure.....
 
I'm totally in tune with you're fears, as we're doing our first, & only (hopefully), wedding gig in a few months time. It's a band fan too, but at least we have the comfort of knowing it's a biker club wedding, so I think we're almost safe. That said, there's alway auntie Margret to cater for. I've never done a wedding gig in my life, & hope to never do another one. We sort of got our arms twisted into it, plus it's 1k + drinks + food.
 
That situation sucks. Especially since you've communicated with the wedding party what you guys can and cannot do. It sounds like a very ill-thought-out event.

Live and learn. If you decide that the money is worth another shot at a wedding, you know which points to be VERY clear about. Also, by then you guys might have some more diverse repertoire to work with, or even work up some dance tunes specifically for the event...
 
You guys shoulda stopped off and picked up one of those new "wedding band conversion kits" before you showed up.
 
Our band has at least 100 songs on our setlist, but really when you get down to it none of them are ballads or "lindy hops". It's mostly high energy bar rock.

It isn't really fair for drummers because we can play anything and everything. I have played in big bands, hip hop groups, punk bands. I even used to play in this "corporate event" band that played dentist and pharmicist conventions and did all dance music with this retired USO singer but the band I am in now doesn't do that stuff.

I think next time we will tell them we will play their reception only if it's at a bar. Thats what we tell people that try to get us to play their birthday/graduation/retirement party. The bar will pay us good money if we are bringing 50 people for a birthday party to drink.

I am starting to feel better about it now or at least laugh at the situation now that I got to tell my story. thanks drummerworld.
 
I was in a blues band (not a very good one either) that got hired to do a wedding. I thought that was like wearing leathers to the Academy Awards. We just didn't fit, even though it went over OK. I'm sure it could have been better for the guests with a different band that was experienced at handling the whole wedding scene, the requests, the volume, the song choice, Daddy's Little Girl...Butterfly Kisses, Cut Then Cake, all that happy crap.

Brides to be suffer from temporary insanity I think.
 
That must've been one bad mariachi band if you couldn't even enjoy your paid hors d'oeuvre-eating/bar time! From your description that wasn't particularly a wedding from hell- those are routine situations when you play them. After you do a few of them you'll be more prepared- you start to get a sense of what is reasonable and what isn't (particularly with services and volume), and learn to manage the client's expectations, and how to decline a song or service request gracefully.

It sounds like you handled the lindy request just fine- they just wanted something bright and swingy, and frankly nobody gives a crap if you butcher the lyrics, leave out giant, critical chunks of the composition or whatever. The "We Are Family" guy probably would've been completely placated by anything else equally crass- "Proud Mary" or something. Now all you have to do is put together a set of dinner music (mellow, but not necessarily ballads), and inform those other animals that they don't have to crank the Big Muff up to eleven to play "Unchained Melody" and you're in.

One thing: make sure you're charging adequately. $300-500/man for three sets. Absolutely not less than $200. The client is only planning on getting married once, and they are paying through the nose for every single other thing- photographer, cake, flowers, room, everything. Do not hesitate to pull the trigger and request $1500 for four guys. Charge what you're worth.
 
I agree with Bo, it sounds like ill-thought-out event.

You were up front about what you could and couldn't do, and they asked you to do things you couldn't do. Shame on them.

I recently went to a wedding where they had punk rock bands! The groom was in one of the bands, so it worked. Everyone played their regular club set. No wedding songs, no dances, no requests. But it was what the bride and groom planned for, so there were no issues.
 
It's important to remember that it is the bride and grooms marrige, but it's their family's wedding. I don't know too many folks who's wedding was what they wanted it to be. Most times it spirals out of control. No matter what the bride and groom think, everyone else will have their own opinions. And with enough fermented lubrication, no concerns about sharing them with you.

When you play a wedding or corporate event you get paid several multiples of a corner bar gig for a reason. You are supposed to be the Tonight Show, American Idol, Worlds Most Dangerous, Dancing with the Stars band all rolled into one. Human jukeboxes able to read minds and play anything. You have to be up for and ready to enjoy the challenge.

In this sort of band, I've always gotten last minute requests. Sometimes while setting up. You break out the iPods (hopefully someone has it on theirs) work out the changes real quick and fake it.

I was on one wedding casual where the leader's wife was the one who booked the gigs. We just showed up and played that funky brick house music. So the bass player is missing (he'd left his amp at home and only the speaker cabinet was sitting there on stage while he ran back to get it) and the leader's wife if up there MC'ing the thing. She says "The happy couple is going to have their first dance to their favorite song 'How Sweet It Is To Be Loved By You' and everyone is invited to join in". Everyone in the band looks at each other "do you know this?". Lead singer says he thinks he knows enough of the words to fake it. Keyboardist works out a key with him and then both the keyboardist and I grab a piece of paper and start writing down changes (I was on guitar on this gig) playing quietly to ourselves while the MC is still talking. Then a quick huddle to agree on 'this part here, like that over there' and we're off. Something like a minute overall while the MC stretched for us.

At another high end wedding (Pebble Beach) with the rehearsed corporate band, we are setting up in the banquet room as directed when the wedding "coordinator" comes running in all flustered and upset. "Where is the jazz combo out on the lawn?" she demands. Huh? What jazz combo? Leader is about to pull out his copy of the contract when I offer to take a couple of monitor wedges, spare amp and iPod with a jazz playlist out to the lawn for them to have their background music. The "coordinator" relents and we run out and set it up. Thing is, we had more than enough gear at home to have two set ups and could have easily put a small thing together outside and played light jazz for a set or so if they had told us. But who brings a complete spare kit (or even enough to have a basic kick/snare/hat thing) to a gig? Along with a spare set of amps, PA and everything. After that one, we started packing extra spare stuff. "Nope, that isn't in the contract, but for an extra $1000 we can do it".
 
Thanks Todd, that was a laugh a second.
Oh and Aeolin's post...classic. Pro attitude plus I might add. Much respect. I wonder if anyone realizes how much trouble they DIDN'T have because of the way you handled those situations...

It's funny how people think that there is nothing to doing a song, and that every band knows every song. And then they are dumbfounded when you don't know something. Like, THEY know it, how can everyone else NOT know it? (Center of the universe personality?)

I was in a band with a bunch of 50 YO men and we got a serious request for Brittney Spears..from a 20 year old....I tell ya, If they only knew what went into it....
 
I feel your pain. In 35 years of gigging I've played dozens of weddings, and can count the ones that I enjoyed on one hand. I swore off them about ten years back and haven't done one since. Life's too short to play gigs which aren't fun, I can be miserable at work.
 
Wow! I'm surprised to hear that so many people are unhappy playing wedding gigs. I actually enjoy them...I like playing classic dance tunes, dig the open bars and buffets, like that *most* people are in a good mood, etc. There are SOME drawbacks, like overly-controlling wedding coordinators and stuff, but I think they're fun for the most part. It's just another gig--you have some good ones, you have some bad ones. I don't see them as bad ones, though. I ESPECIALLY don't go into them with the attitude that they're going to be terrible, 'cause then I'll just be looking for reasons to complain the whole time...
 
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