Jam Space Etiquette

BonsaiMagpie

Junior Member
I recently had a jam with a singer/home producer who was very overbearing and kept having to stop the tune because my drums weren't exactly what he programmed on the computer or the snare sound wasn't quite right. I'd literally heard the song twice before in my headphones and didn't know it, so getting the feel seemed more important than trying to work out which tom sound suited the 4& accent. I thought it was down right rude to stop a song midway through a bar and ask me to adjust snare wires. It honestly made me feel embarrassed because I'm not the best drummer and I'm not the quickest to pick things up. I politely left the group after explaining my objections, as did one of the guitarists. It was nice to meet people in the band and I made friends, but I couldn't work with a group where somebody was so overbearing.

Also cymbals sound crap on phone, they just do. The best you can do is put the phone the opposite end of the room to them and hope for the best.
 

cbphoto

Gold Member
The OP clearly has the patience of Job, a virtue I lost decades ago. I wish him well.

The issue here is one of personal boundaries. The OP is allowing this guy to manipulate him by publicly belittling him.

I was in a similar situation (we all are at one time or another), but it was a vocalist/guitarist/band leader who complained about my ride cymbal. He stopped mid-tune and said, "I hate that sound!" All eyes were on me and I realized a few things.
He did not respect me.​
He did not enjoy the drums as part of "his" music.​
The direction he was taking the music was not where I wanted to go.​

The bassist and lead guitarist were/are great friends (the reason I was there), but this was not a band I wanted to spend my time with. So, without a word, I packed my gear up and left.

I later heard from the bassist that he told the others I was weak for leaving. I was merely protecting & enforcing my personal boundaries: I refuse to be treated like that. Anywhere. The alternative to leaving would've been a brawl, but the music wasn't worth it.
 

PorkPieGuy

Platinum Member
Here are your options:

1. Quit.
2. If you have any say-so in the band, ask the rest of the band to fire him.
3. Tell him that drums are loud, and he needs to deal with it in whatever he deems necessary (e.g. earplugs, hearing protection, not sitting so close, etc.).
4. You could play softer, use smaller sticks, etc.

If you play music any length of time, you have to deal with crap like this. A lot of us have been there. Keep us posted!
 

Hewitt2

Senior Member
Here are your options:

1. Quit.
2. If you have any say-so in the band, ask the rest of the band to fire him.
3. Tell him that drums are loud, and he needs to deal with it in whatever he deems necessary (e.g. earplugs, hearing protection, not sitting so close, etc.).
4. You could play softer, use smaller sticks, etc.

If you play music any length of time, you have to deal with crap like this. A lot of us have been there. Keep us posted!
Interestingly I have used brushes in the past when his hearing acted up and he was the one who asked I go back to sticks. When this issue flared up a few days ago I offered to go back to brushes but he never responded!
 

PorkPieGuy

Platinum Member
Interestingly I have used brushes in the past when his hearing acted up and he was the one who asked I go back to sticks. When this issue flared up a few days ago I offered to go back to brushes but he never responded!
Not trying to judge too badly, but the guy sounds like a tool.
 

Juniper

Gold Member
not yet - this all happened over the span of 2 days. We are supposed to jam this Friday so I will need to talk to him before then. Not looking forward to it!
Look forward to it as you can put him in his place.

The guy sounds like an idiot and I suggest taking charge of the situation as he obviously doesn’t have much of a clue.
 

opentune

Platinum Member
The OP clearly has the patience of Job, a virtue I lost decades ago. I wish him well.

The issue here is one of personal boundaries. The OP is allowing this guy to manipulate him by publicly belittling him.

I was in a similar situation (we all are at one time or another), but it was a vocalist/guitarist/band leader who complained about my ride cymbal. He stopped mid-tune and said, "I hate that sound!" All eyes were on me and I realized a few things.
He did not respect me.​
He did not enjoy the drums as part of "his" music.​
The direction he was taking the music was not where I wanted to go.​
Or he just hated the ride sound?
I'd agree stopping mid-tune for this is melodramatic, and he could have delivered his feelings better, but I would not interpret this as a personal attack or disrespect on a drummer. True, we do all have our own boundaries.
 

Tamaefx

Silver Member
I'm gonna write about my recent experience with a musician of my band.
He kept complaining about the sound of my drums, asking me to buy an electronic kit or a jazzette, 18" bass drum; asking me to muffle everything, play with rods and so forth. He was also a bit of a double-crosser, saying to the others that we couldn't find as many gig as we should because the drums / drummer were too loud.
I'm not a heavy hitter, but I've got a good whip, I know how to play with dynamics when needed, the music we play is more on the pop rock side, it needs strong bass drums / backbeats.
As a result we did a gig in a resonant place, I muffled the drums a lot, but kept playing on my regular Signia. The band messed up a bit because they couldn't hear the bass drum :D !!! Not joking.

We ended up in a kind of argument during a rehearsal, even if I always good temper and calm.
Later on, we took the decision to ditch this guitarist because the bassist couldn't stand the situation between me and him. It happens few weeks ago after two years with this musician. Still, that was a heartbreaking moment.
It's not the first time I get complain about the sound volume I produce, I guess every drummers go through this at least once, but it's the first time it's been so insisting and so demotivating.
 
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cbphoto

Gold Member
Or he just hated the ride sound?
I'd agree stopping mid-tune for this is melodramatic, and he could have delivered his feelings better, but I would not interpret this as a personal attack or disrespect on a drummer. True, we do all have our own boundaries.
I'd been playing with this group of peeps for about a year and never received any direction from him about the kinds of sounds he wanted. It's been years since it happened and current band mates say he hasn't changed. I don't miss that scene at all.
 

Hewitt2

Senior Member
By way of update, I spoke to the guy and he couldn't understand why I was upset. He said I was overreacting and that he was merely stating "opinions" not demands. Quite frankly, the conversation made things worse as I would have thought he would have had the benefit of reflection but instead he decided to double down on his lunacy. That solidified it for me that he would need to be out. He is clearing out tomorrow.

Unfortunately, our group will need to wind up too due to logistical and financial reasons but I'm ok with that. I'm already working on hooking up with a bassist who has more similar tastes to me anyways so hopefully I'm playing with others soon enough.

Thank you all for the support. This forum is so awesome and full of great advice. (y)
 

cbphoto

Gold Member
. . . I'm already working on hooking up with a bassist who has more similar tastes to me . . .
This is really great news, and I hope you two enjoy each others' sounds. There are a few other drummer/bassist duos who've made great music together: Mick Fleetwood & John McVie, Tommy Aldridge and Rudy Sarzo, to name a couple.
 

Xstr8edgtnrdrmrX

Well-known member
This is really great news, and I hope you two enjoy each others' sounds. There are a few other drummer/bassist duos who've made great music together: Mick Fleetwood & John McVie, Tommy Aldridge and Rudy Sarzo, to name a couple.
awesome that you mentioned those 2...love 'em!!
 

danondrums

Well-known member
Crash cymbals are very hard to manage in a small room. Is there sound absorption foam in there? Not to take away from the level of douchery this guy has displayed, but AA’s could be harsh in a small room that hasn’t been treated for better acoustics and management of high frequencies.
 

TMe

Senior Member
Here's my theory. Some guys want things loud, which is why they turn their amps up. What they don't understand is that there's a threshold (about 120 db) beyond which the sound is painful. So they keep turning up until they cross the threshold, they don't wear hearing protection, and their ears hurt. Then they look for someone to blame. They can't admit, even to themselves, that they just can't handle the volume. They need to be in a quieter band or get serious about ear protection. They're too pseudo-macho for that so they whine like little bitches instead.
 
The guys a total douche canoe , no two ways about it . Like TMe said , decibel levels are everything . The level up to a point is all about room size, sound dampening , and construction or material of said room . As long as no one is painfully exceeding a relative decibel level , ..... it is incumbent upon each person to take proper precaution and use hearing protection that best suits them ( whatever that may be ) to allow them to hear the music and not be uncomfortable . Over the years I’ve played in all kind of venues and practice spaces large and small and either wore nothing or from foam plugs to shooting range type muffs etc..... etc...... . As mentioned small rooms and practice spaces are tough , but you can only turn down or play lightly to a point before the music suffers and or lacks intensity and feel ( music and genre dependent ). The guy IMHO should take precautions , plain and simple .
 

Hewitt2

Senior Member
The ironic thing is that he has always been the one who insisted I use sticks when I was content playing with brushes not wanting to rock the boat while his ears were hurting.

I always felt I had to be the responsible parent and ensure he was looking after his hearing and make recommendations on appropriate options and how/where to set-up.
 

TMe

Senior Member
The ironic thing is that he has always been the one who insisted I use sticks when I was content playing with brushes not wanting to rock the boat while his ears were hurting.
That makes perfect sense. He wants more volume, but can't accept that there's a limit beyond which it's painful. So he blames you when the limit is crossed.

It's like a cat saying "Pet me! Pet me! Pet me!" So you do, and the cat loves it - until she doesn't. And then she bites your hand.

Don't over stimulate the cat. It's brain is small and it doesn't know what it wants.
 
That makes perfect sense. He wants more volume, but can't accept that there's a limit beyond which it's painful. So he blames you when the limit is crossed.

It's like a cat saying "Pet me! Pet me! Pet me!" So you do, and the cat loves it - until she doesn't. And then she bites your hand.

Don't over stimulate the cat. It's brain is small and it doesn't know what it wants.
OMFG LOL 😂. That’s every damn cat I had growing up or have pet in my life with the exception of my first cat( the only one I ever liked . It’s the reason I can’t stand cats . Everything’s going along fine , ....... purring, comfortable, relaxed , starting to maybe fall asleep ,,,,, and then ....... Bam !!!!!! The unprovoked flurry of claws , teeth and bright red blood oozing from my mangled hand lol 😂. God I really despise cats 🙄😂
 

TMe

Senior Member
Everything’s going along fine , ....... purring, comfortable, relaxed , starting to maybe fall asleep ,,,,, and then ....... Bam !!!!!!
That's because you're over stimulating the cat. Once you figure that out, and stop doing it, cat's are great. Guitarists and bassists who think like cats... they're just a pain to deal with.
 
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