Is this weird?


Platinum Member
I read through the forums and I see all of you talking about playing gigs and with your bands or working through music school...all such wonderful things. In the meantime, here I sit, taking my lessons and learning and playing for nothing more than the pure love of the music and playing the drums for no one but me. I really don't see me ever being in a band or playing with anyone else on a regular basis (part of the problem has been finding others to play with, part of it is that it's just not a huge deal to me at this point).

Is this wrong? Is it essential that I find a band? I want to have that experience but I don't know if it's something I want to do as a permanent situation. I'm having a great time learning and can hear myself constantly improving but for now, playing along to songs on youtube or the occasional jam with my bass-playing boyfriend is keeping me happy.

I guess I sometimes wonder if it's worth all the time and trouble if I have no real end goal?
I LOVE it and will keep on playing no matter what but do wonder if I'm a little weird sometimes for approaching it in this matter.

What do you think?


Silver Member
Weird? Absolutely, positively NOT!!!!!! There is nothing wrong with playing drums for the sheer enjoyment of playing the drums!! Playing in a band isn't all it's cracked up to be. I'm one of the people who played my way through music school. Problem for me was, I didn't enjoy playing in bars. I was never happy playing for drunken idiots week after week, month after month. I just don't enjoy the bar culture and it isn't fun for me. Don't feel like you have to play in a band to enjoy drumming it's just not true. People will tell you there is nothing like playing for a crowded dance floor. That's fine for them but for me I never felt fulfilled playing to the drunken masses.

Good luck and have fun!!!!!

Anthony Amodeo

there is absolutely nothing wrong with playing for the love of playing....nothing at all

if it makes you dont need any of the other things you spoke of

every musician should be playing for his or her own pleasure and the love of speaking through their instrument before anything else.....all that other stuff is just that.....stuff

fun stuff.....but stuff none the less


Senior Member
no way, that's definitely not weird! I basically play for myself, except for the occasional jam session with a buddy. And while I wouldn't mind being in a little "hometown" band at some point, it's not high on my list of priorities.

Keep on doing what you're doing, even if it's just for you ;)

Bo Eder

Platinum Member
It is not weird. Sometimes the goal should just be to 'play the drums', and it shouldn't matter where or who with. If you're happy where you're at, then stay there and don't listen to anybody else. Least of all us ;)


Platinum Member
If it makes you feel any better to know you're not alone, then I am in he exact same boat. I started playing 2 years ago (at age 35), and just play by myself with no real plans to find a band. I enjoy it. I don't enjoy the bar-scene (as described by bigd above), and I'm not sure I could handle band drama anymore (I played guitar in various high-school garage bands so I know what it can be like).

Don't worry about it, just do what you enjoy. You only live once.


"Uncle Larry"
Mary, you are playing for all the right reasons. Trust me, just keep doing what you're doing, listen to what that little Mary voice inside your head is telling you to do, and your path will unfold in a natural way. Don't feel you have to step outside your comfort zone just yet, especially if you don't feel ready. When you are truly ready to play with will just fall in place by either you seeking it out or it finding you. Maybe you're not there yet. That's OK, don't force things. Drumming can be anything you want it to be, it's a lump of clay. Just make sure it makes you happy, not anxious. You're the boss, in total control, and can do what you want, whatever that is.

At the same time, I would like to see you get with others as soon as you get the urge, which may not come at all, or maybe it won't come until you're more confident with yourself. But trust me, when the urge strikes, you'll know it. I always recommend getting your feet wet by attending open mic blues jams. No commitment, and you get to experience what it's like with the training wheels off, (meaning not playing along to recorded music) without the load in and the load out! It gets your face in front of the right people too. Plus blues is the root of all popular music today. Blues is a fantastic way to learn the role of the drummer. Even if you don't play, there's much to soak the other drummers play the songs, the songs themselves, and a hundred other things. I look upon open mic jams as university. It's a total learning experience for those who choose to look upon them as such. It sharpens you because you are improvising. Give me a drummer who can tame an open mic jam with flying colors any day over a drummer that learns songs note for note and regurgitates them with his band.

Being able to think on your feet and support a soloist you've never played with before, in a thoughtful way.....that's a rare commodity.

But every thing is OK. You're doing exactly what you are supposed to be doing, including questioning yourself. From where I'm sitting, it appears to me that you've suffered a fatal bite by the drum bug and you are most definitely infected with the disease. There is no cure, but you can treat it by playing the drums. The more you play drums, the better you will feel. That's the progressive nature of the disease. Godspeed lol.


Platinum Member
I LOVE it .....
What more of an "end goal" could you possibly need. Do what you do, because of how it makes you feel. Certainly, more jams, a band, might come your way. Never say never. But for now, if you're in that place that you should be in, it don't get better than that.​


Pioneer Member real end goal?
Ah yes, the glories of modern society, where we’re repeatedly told that everyone must have a goal at all times.

What a load of codswallop. Don’t shackle yourself with that mentality.

I say keep on practicing as you have been, enjoy the occasional jam with the boyfriend, and if band things organically come your way, then great, and if not, then no big deal.

But don’t feel that you’re somehow not worthy just because you have fun playing with yourself (ooh, er). Music is still good in so many ways even if you’re the only one creating/enjoying it.


Platinum Member
There's nothing wrong with drumming as a hobby.As with anything else in life,you can take anything to what ever level you have the drive and talent to achieve.Just because you drive a car,dosen't mean you have to race in the Daytona 500.

Playing with a live band is fun and challenging,and at time frustrating too.Personalities,egos,taste in music,power struggles,and just plain old life come into play.If you find a group of friends who can play various instruments,get along well enough,have the maturity to park their egos'' at the door,and have the basicly same taste in music,then a hobby band might work.

Bands sometimes,but not always,have a way of complicating an already complicated life.Jamming with friends on occasion may be the perfect compromise.

Once you feel comfortable with your skill set,ckeck out some venues that offer open jam nights,and see where it takes you.Till then,like Bo said,don't let any moron make you feel badly about not being in a band.I'm sorry,but anyone who says that to you is just an idiot....period.;)

Steve B


Platinum Member
I have worked in 4 different drum/music stores, and sold hundreds of drum kits.

I would say the vast majority of drum sets are sold to people who have little to no intent of playing in a band on a serious level. Most drum sets are sold to people who just love drumming.

So, not only is your situation not weird, it's actually very common.


Drummerworld Pro Drummer - Administrator
Staff member
People who play an instrument aren't required to do anything with that skill. Having fun is always the best reason to play, but you're definitely (and blissfully) in the minority among those who play an instrument. The majority of players want to achieve some sort of socio-financial success with it. Unfortunately for a high-percentage of them, there's a lot of frustration and anxiety. I'd say you're much happier in your desire to play for fun, than most others are in their pursuit of 'success'.

If you're doing what you want, you're already successful. :)



Platinum Member
Ah yes, the glories of modern society, where we’re repeatedly told that everyone must have a goal at all times.

What a load of codswallop. Don’t shackle yourself with that mentality.


I give that a hearty thumbs up!!


Silver Member
Not weird at all. You do it because you like to. That's the best reason in the world. I can see where you'd probably get people asking you if you're in a band because they see you play drums or own a kit, but don't feel like the answer to that question has to be "yes" just to soothe others. Being in a band isn't the end-all.

Drummerworld Forum is great. Thanks, Bernhard. I'm really liking it here. There are a bunch of different and very interesting personalities milling about in these forums. Everyone is different, yet we're all here for our love of drums. I'm still relatively new here, but I've been looking and listening and have come to really enjoy reading and sharing with people.

sorry for the digression....

You do what you want to do. You're not missing anything by doing so. Bands can be a drag. I've been in some that I've absolutely hated, including one ending with the singer killing his girlfriend.
I try to explain to my wife, who is still relatively new to this whole band thing, that being in a band is like being in a relationship, except you have 3, 4 or more "significant others" than the usual one that any normal, sane relationship should be. It can be tremendously hard.

But playing just for the love of it? Oh hell yes. If you keep doing that, other things naturally happen. You may never be in a band, but then you may. You never know.
You are driven by LOVE and that's what it counts above all. Being weird is fine, because You are breaking the square rules.

...Keep up the strength!

I I LOVE it and will keep on playing no matter what but do wonder if I'm a little weird sometimes for approaching it in this matter.

What do you think?

Mad About Drums

Pollyanna's Agent
I LOVE it and will keep on playing no matter what...
I could go on and on Mary, but in a nutshell, you said it, beautifully :)

...and what's more, the day you want and feel the need to play with someone, it will happen, you're doing just fine :)

Odd-Arne Oseberg

Platinum Member
Not weird at all.

I sort of relate at the moment. I've been a guitar player for a long time. Playing ou tfor drunk people became old very fast. I prefer to teach and practice just for my own enjoyment and development. It's sort of my path to enlightenment.

Most of the stuff I enjoy working on, it's not that I can't find a couple of venues where I can do that stuff, I can, but what's more difficult is to find other musicians who enjoy and can even play slightly more complicated music and make it feel right. That type of dedication proven diffucult even to find in university these days.

It's all right for now as I'm pretty new to drumming and feel challenged enough working on stuff by myself. When I'm ready and have the funds I will find people to play with and start recording my own stuff.


Platinum Member
Wow! You guys know how to make a girl feel good about herself. Thanks so much, it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside :) I do love playing and even if it's just playing in my basement for myself, it makes me truly and purely happy. I guess there's not many things in life someone can really say that about.

(Anyways, I have more than enough other weird traits to make up for

Happy Drumming everyone!

MaryO <3

Anon La Ply

Nope, not weird. Drums are fun things, there's no denying it.

You exercise body and mind and surround yourself with beautiful music. There are tons worse things to do in life. Though I think having all those good things PLUS good friends who can also play is better still.