i just vant to be alone

joeysnare

Silver Member
i know theres a lot of people out there who practice their collective butts off and would give anything to have a band to jam with. ive been in bands for a little over ten years now and i am really getting sick and tired of dealing with other musicians. I find my favorite time is when i can just be by myself and play to my hearts content, what ever speed, style or genre of music i choose. no comprimises just me and the music.

Has anyone else gotten to this point in their music career?
 

Andy

Administrator
Staff member
Not in my recent reincarnation, but back in the day, oh yes. In fact, that feeling was the prelude to me giving up playing for over 20 years. Snap out of that straight away matey! I completely get where you're coming from, it's where you're going to that bothers me. Strike out in a new direction. You need fresh inspiration. Do it quick!!!

Losing the joy of playing with others is about as serious as it gets in drummer depression terms. Hope you find a way forward Joey, & don't be afraid to think way outside of the box to get you there. Good luck!
 

konaboy

Pioneer Member
Yep been there before. So if playing for yourself or by yourself makes you happy right now then stick to that. It's a good time to re-invent and grow as a drummer. You'll get the itch to start jamming again but evidently you need some time away from bands right now. I think that it's a pretty normal thing.
 

MikeM

Platinum Member
I've been on the lookout for a new band since quitting my last one two months ago. Like you, I've not NOT been in a band for, well, since 1990. One of my criteria for a new band will be that we rent a practice space. The last few bands I've played in have had one and it works really well because I get my practice time in either before or after band practice. I've been out playing with a couple people lately that have setups in their basements, which is nice since there's no rent, but ultimately not worth it for me because I still need my time on the drums without a band around.
 

diegobxr

Silver Member
Hi joeysnare, I have also been where you're now, I know what you mean. For some time I played in several bands, later I got in one "serious" band and after a while things ended up really bad, a lot of lies, fights, etc. After that I refused to play again with people, I was fed up.

In my case, that lasted for about two years. Now I'm playing again wiith good friends and I'm having a hell of a good time. Maybe they're just "stages", you'll get over it, don't panic.

Just don't quit playing. ;)
 
Re: i just want to be alone

I know your feeling (being by yourself) brother! I used to play for a short term with my pals at the garages, not a big deal, we were not going anywhere either. In nowadays, I'm a hobby drummer and I enjoy it like that...take a healthy drumming break and follow your heart.

...take care.

I find my favorite time is when i can just be by myself and play to my hearts content, what ever speed, style or genre of music i choose. no comprimises just me and the music.
 

DrumEatDrum

Platinum Member
Hi Joey, nice to see you posting again.

Yes, and yes.

Around age 32 or so, I got fed up with bands. I never stopped playing drums, I always had a rehearsal spot, but I just stopped playing with people.

I eventually missed it, and formed a new band.
But it's was hard to make these transitions. I spent so much time and effort trying to be "pro" it was easier to just stop being in bands than accept that a new band is a "hobby."
The band was great for a while, but life kept getting in the way, and eventually it stopped being an active band. Different levels of commitment to the band became a problem.

So I decided screw other people, I'm going solo. I'm going to write my own stuff, no matter how long it takes, no mater if no one else ever hears it. Although it ended up morphing into a collaboration with friend, and we've discovered we're going to have to morph our duo into a trio if we want a singer. But at the heart, I still have MY songs to take with me even if everyone else falls of the face of the earth. I work with other people, but I don't rely on them.

Eventually, I think I'll do another band, but not until my kids are a bit older than they are now.






Dealing with other musicians can be pain. It's difficult to find people who want to do the same music, AND have the same level of goals, with the same level of dedication.
 

dairyairman

Platinum Member
i know what you guys mean. i've been in a bunch of bands over the past few years and every one (except the current one so far) has broken up for one reason or another. i love being in a band and making music with other people but i get pretty fed up with all the interpersonal nonsense and drama that goes on. i have a whole new appreciation for bands that manage to stay together and be successful for years on end. what's their secret?
 
W

wy yung

Guest
This is one of the reasons I focus on teaching. It's not just about people though, loading out after gigs at 3 am, rehearsals etc. I am over it. I formed a band a few months ago but could not afford to pay the people I wanted. So I found myself waiting for others to get their act together. When waiting looked like being the order of the day I left. I quit my own band.
 

Pollyanna

Platinum Member
Not in my recent reincarnation, but back in the day, oh yes. In fact, that feeling was the prelude to me giving up playing for over 20 years.
Same story, just replace 20 with 8. Or maybe it was 20? Let's see ... quit my band and got into writing on a sequencer in 87. Guitarist of former band "borrowed" my sequencing gear in 88. No music for a couple of years until 1990, when I was talked into joining a cover band and gigged for another year or two. Stopped again when people started about getting serious with the band. Started playing in little bands at work with workmates in 1998. Played once a week for 3 years until the leading light of the band moved interstate.

Yeah, I wasn't playing much for almost 20 years. From what I've read in this thread, and at DW generally in the last year, this kind of thing seems to happen a fair bit with drummers.

Abe talked about phases ... I'll try for a pub rock drummer's life cycle:

  1. Excitement
  2. Chops, chops and more chops
  3. Rejection
  4. Backbeat
  5. Band
  6. Gigs
  7. Excitement
  8. Dreams of world domination
  9. Stasis, artistic differences and personality irritations
  10. Security 'n' sex 'n' lurve become more interesting than sex 'n' drugs 'n' rock'n'roll
  11. Swap drumming for domesticity
  12. Stasis and personality irritations
  13. Rock'n'roll becomes more interesting than sex'n' lurve
  14. Oh well, let's give it another go
  15. Excitement
  16. Backbeat
  17. Band
  18. Gigs ... maybe I can do it right this time?
  19. Stasis, artistic differences and personality irritations
  20. Stamp collecting / gardening / choosing colours for walking frame (I'll have mine in hot pink thanks - hey, I'm a rock'n'roller!)

Joey, my guess is that you're gearing up for a period of nesting and breeding ... but that gets old pretty quickly too :)
 
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joeysnare

Silver Member
Hi Joey, nice to see you posting again.

Yes, and yes.

Around age 32 or so, I got fed up with bands. I never stopped playing drums, I always had a rehearsal spot, but I just stopped playing with people.

I eventually missed it, and formed a new band.
But it's was hard to make these transitions. I spent so much time and effort trying to be "pro" it was easier to just stop being in bands than accept that a new band is a "hobby."
The band was great for a while, but life kept getting in the way, and eventually it stopped being an active band. Different levels of commitment to the band became a problem.

So I decided screw other people, I'm going solo. I'm going to write my own stuff, no matter how long it takes, no mater if no one else ever hears it. Although it ended up morphing into a collaboration with friend, and we've discovered we're going to have to morph our duo into a trio if we want a singer. But at the heart, I still have MY songs to take with me even if everyone else falls of the face of the earth. I work with other people, but I don't rely on them.

Eventually, I think I'll do another band, but not until my kids are a bit older than they are now.






Dealing with other musicians can be pain. It's difficult to find people who want to do the same music, AND have the same level of goals, with the same level of dedication.
hey thanks drum :)
i usually only post if i have a problem or if i think it will actually help the forum.

but i think goals and dedication are the main points in my feelings of wanting to be alone. im just getting sick of trying to inspire people to do what they all claim to love. and the one thing that really irks me is the interband fighting ( i have 3 insecure guitarests to deal with WEEEEEEEE what fun!) they all spend more time bitching about how much better each one is than the next. oh and the attendance issues they all miss practice at the drop of a hat and constantly rip on each other like its some sort of measuring stick to prod the others with, when in actuality im the only person whos never missed a practice in 10 bloody years.
don't get me wrong i still absolutly love to play drums and could never see myself stopping ever, im just bone tired of babysitting grown men and im wondering if either a break from my band is in order or perhaps my term with this band has run its course.
btw thank you very much for all the helpful posts everyone, thats why i love this place.
 

utdrummer

Senior Member
Joey---there's a name for what you're feeling right now and it's called "burned out". I think it would be fair to say just about everybody goes through it at some point in their musical career. I hear ya on the "tired of musicians" thing. I just went two weeks ago Sunday to audition for a newly formed band that was aiming for 40-50 tunes in about 6 weeks of once a week rehearsals. Should be easy enough as the tunes were classic rock and old and newer country. Typical any bar/any where material. About one hour into it, the rhythm player threatened to throw the lead player out of the band! Needless to say I didn't go back. Here's some ideas you might want to throw around...Re-invent yourself! Maybe change your kit around...add drums, take away drums...change your kit and play something you've never played before. Have you thought about teaching for a while? You can make good money that way and still be in charge of your time alone, yet helping others improve themselves. This may be way out there, but years ago when I first started playing, there were two very well known drummers in the Houston area that did drummer/DJ type gigs and they were always working. They just set up their small PA systems, played to tunes that they liked and entertained crowds every weekend. They picked up tons of other gigs and met a few ugly women along they way I hear! Keith Gilley, son of Mickey Gilley--80's country crooner--also had a steady gig doing that in a good sized club around the corner from me. Just a thought. Anyway, best of luck to you. Take a little "band" time off and find yourself again. You'll come out better for it.
 
W

wy yung

Guest
Hi Joey.

A lot of people are portraying your situation as negative. "Don't worry man, you'll get through it. " As if there is something wrong with you. What a load of BS! How would they know how you feel or why. They don't. If you want to play alone, fine. Nothing wrong with that. If you feel in a rut you could take some lessons or work from a book or learn some stuff off records.... There is plenty to do. But really what I think is most important is this. Do what makes you happy. If that means playing alone for a while, fine. Drums are supposed to be fun so find a way to have fun.

Life's too short. Do what you want to do.
 

MikeM

Platinum Member
Abe talked about phases ... I'll try for a pub rock drummer's life cycle:

  1. Excitement
  2. Chops, chops and more chops
  3. Rejection
  4. Backbeat
  5. Band
  6. Gigs
  7. Excitement
  8. Dreams of world domination
  9. Stasis, artistic differences and personality irritations
  10. Security 'n' sex 'n' lurve become more interesting than sex 'n' drugs 'n' rock'n'roll
  11. Swap drumming for domesticity
  12. Stasis and personality irritations
  13. Rock'n'roll becomes more interesting than sex'n' lurve
  14. Oh well, let's give it another go
  15. Excitement
  16. Backbeat
  17. Band
  18. Gigs ... maybe I can do it right this time?
  19. Stasis, artistic differences and personality irritations
  20. Stamp collecting / gardening / choosing colours for walking frame (I'll have mine in hot pink thanks - hey, I'm a rock'n'roller!)
Hilarious! That seems pretty spot on to me! Ha ha!
 

DrumEatDrum

Platinum Member
Abe talked about phases ... I'll try for a pub rock drummer's life cycle:

  1. Excitement
  2. Chops, chops and more chops
  3. Rejection
  4. Backbeat
  5. Band
  6. Gigs
  7. Excitement
  8. Dreams of world domination
  9. Stasis, artistic differences and personality irritations
  10. Security 'n' sex 'n' lurve become more interesting than sex 'n' drugs 'n' rock'n'roll
  11. Swap drumming for domesticity
  12. Stasis and personality irritations
  13. Rock'n'roll becomes more interesting than sex'n' lurve
  14. Oh well, let's give it another go
  15. Excitement
  16. Backbeat
  17. Band
  18. Gigs ... maybe I can do it right this time?
  19. Stasis, artistic differences and personality irritations
  20. Stamp collecting / gardening / choosing colours for walking frame (I'll have mine in hot pink thanks - hey, I'm a rock'n'roller!)

Joey, my guess is that you're gearing up for a period of nesting and breeding ... but that gets old pretty quickly too :)
Hahaha.....pretty spot on Polly.
 

Pollyanna

Platinum Member
Mike and DED, it's certainly spot on for me! I've recently arrived at #19.

Keys player is miffed that I asked for people to stop noodling and overplaying and just get the arrangements down so we can finally get gigging. He thinks that playing simply and performing arrangements consistently close to verbatim is boring (even if his improvs are very messy). he thinks it strips the fun and inspiration from things.

I think there's more fun to be had by taking fairly tight sets of songs to audiences than playing songs over and over in the reherasal room and never getting tight because people are overplaying and winging it so much. It seems that I'm going to be painted as the over-serious killjoy baddie.

So Joey's comments are making a lot of sense to me ATM. As a contingency, I recently bought a composition program. Our singer is even more frustrated than I am about the noodling, and we've talked about busking - just vocals, laptop and percussion.

Bands require constant compromise and when someone doesn't want to play ball it gets messy ...
 

bobdadruma

Platinum Member
I'm pretty much there too.
I just left a band because I was tired of all of the nonsense.

I also don't care if I gig or not anymore.
I'm happy just playing with talented people in a home studio.

I don't need the hassle of finding a parking spot in a downtown setting,
Lugging gear and setting up.
Stupid sound men.
Drunks in clubs.
Then carrying out at 2AM.

I come home from work.
I warm up on my pad for a while.
I sit behind one of my kits
I have a blast!
I relax!

I don't think that I am going to gig anymore.
Gig! Why? To make $50?
I'm just going to play with friends for fun now and then.
Maybe gig only a few times a year at certain events. Private parties and such.

This feeling has been slowly creeping up on mr for a few years now.
 
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