I feel guilty for pulling the ripcord too late

[Jeff Graw]

OK, maybe...? I rarely count anything

But, you can count?

 

[Boppel]

To the OP, do you listen to a lot of music, humming and singing along?

I do, mostly videos from YouTube like drum covers. It's more listening than humming or singing.

 

[Skrivarna]

I do, mostly videos from YouTube like drum covers. It's more listening than humming or singing.

Then maybe that is part of the problem, focusing too much on only the drums and drumming?
My experience is that listening to a lot of music (with and without any drums) helps internalize things like musical form, structure, phrasing, periods -- which in 95% of all songs makes counting completely unnecessary.
But that is the way I and my ears work, YMMV.