Help - Meeting up with Guitarist

mmulcahy1

Platinum Member
I have been in contact (via Craigslist) with a guitarist and we're planning to get together on Monday at my house. We have yet to meet in person; just a few e-mails to to try to get something together.

Now, I don't have much experience at playing with others and I was thinking that maybe we should meet for coffee or something first before we head to the house and play… if things seem cool.

Does this sound reasonable? I'm not in the habit of having people over that I haven't met before - with the exception of repairmen and such.

Give me some feedback, please :)

Thanks a lot!
 

mikel

Platinum Member
I usually meet up with people socially and find out if we are on the same page, or fairly near, musically before committing to a jam or a practice. You can glean a lot about someone from one face to face over a coffee or a drink. Social media is not a good indicator of someones personality.
 

MileHighDrummer

Senior Member
I think you answered your own question. I rarely "hook up" with anyone I don't know something about, especially at home. I want to know what they're about musically (at least) before jamming or bringing them in to the studio.
 

Duck Tape

Platinum Member
It's not the standard in my experience. Actually I think a coffee can be more awkward than a jam, because at least if the conversation dries up, you can start playing, and it should primarily be about the playing.

If I jam with someone and the music is good, it's easy for me to get along with them. If the person I'm playing with isn't musically or personally what I'm looking for then it can be a bit awkward waiting for it to be over and seeing them on their way, but you have to take that risk. Avoid trying to secure future dates in person, wait 'till the next day and send a text or an email.

Be confident in your playing, just like in other areas of life, if you're not confident it has a compounding effect.
 

mmulcahy1

Platinum Member
I usually meet up with people socially and find out if we are on the same page, or fairly near, musically before committing to a jam or a practice. You can glean a lot about someone from one face to face over a coffee or a drink. Social media is not a good indicator of someones personality.
I sent him an e-mail and suggested that we meet for coffee or something first and see where we might be in a musical context.

I think you answered your own question. I rarely "hook up" with anyone I don't know something about, especially at home. I want to know what they're about musically (at least) before jamming or bringing them in to the studio.
Yeah, my first concern was having this guy come to my house. At least by meeting him first I should be able to get a bead on what kind of guy he is.

I believe that this guy is trying to be cool for my convenience so that I don't have to haul my gear.

We all know that lugging around a guitar and amp is a hell of a lot easier that moving a set of drums, cymbals, and hardware!!
 

mmulcahy1

Platinum Member
It's not the standard in my experience. Actually I think a coffee can be more awkward than a jam, because at least if the conversation dries up, you can start playing, and it should primarily be about the playing.

If I jam with someone and the music is good, it's easy for me to get along with them. If the person I'm playing with isn't musically or personally what I'm looking for then it can be a bit awkward waiting for it to be over and seeing them on their way, but you have to take that risk. Avoid trying to secure future dates in person, wait 'till the next day and send a text or an email.

Be confident in your playing, just like in other areas of life, if you're not confident it has a compounding effect.
You touch on something else that I was thinking as well. This relationship should be about making and creating the music.

I know a lot of musicians are really cool. but there are a lot of flakes out there, too!
 

Midnite Zephyr

Platinum Member
I would say only do this coffee thing if it leads directly to jamming that day. I mean, I've never had this problem with Craigslist people, but we've all heard some horror stories. I don't think this type of person is doing the finding bands through C/L thing, but buying and selling stuff is a different story. I've always had great experiences going through C/L and never really met any dangerous people. But I do live in Orange County, not LA.
 

mikel

Platinum Member
You touch on something else that I was thinking as well. This relationship should be about making and creating the music.

I know a lot of musicians are really cool. but there are a lot of flakes out there, too!
It will, eventually be about making music, but if the other person is, to your mind, a weirdo, or a control freak or just a boring person that you would not chose to spend any time with, a drink or a coffee is the best way to find out.
 

Magenta

Platinum Member
It will, eventually be about making music, but if the other person is, to your mind, a weirdo, or a control freak or just a boring person that you would not chose to spend any time with, a drink or a coffee is the best way to find out.
My view exactly. My singer and I met our bassist over coffee, just to get to know her a bit and to find out whether there was a fighting chance that we were compatible, and when we were looking for a guitarist, we arranged to meet him at the pub. As luck would have it, we didn't, in the end, because we got fixed up with somebody we all knew in the meantime, which was just as well because the guy in question turned out to be pretty weird, as we subsequently discovered :/
 

New Tricks

Platinum Member
I'm not afraid of craigslist people but I kind of feel them out if I invite them to my place because I have a lot of gear that could easily be stolen. I'm a trusting but aware kind of guy.

If I suspect anything hinkey when they show up, I simply point out some of the security cameras and mention, that's what I do for a living now that I'm a retired cop :)

But, meet for coffee? Not my thing.

I did make a phone call last week to let someone know the address I was going to to make a $500 cash craigslist purchase. It wasn't a gang neighborhood or anything. I was just being prudent. Then I was on the phone with them as they answered the door, just to be extra safe.

I also asked the seller (via email) not to kill me for a measly $500.:)


It will, eventually be about making music, but if the other person is, to your mind, a weirdo, or a control freak or just a boring person that you would not chose to spend any time with, a drink or a coffee is the best way to find out.
Or, the person would think that you were weird, paranoid or boring because you want to chat over a cup of coffee. All you really need to know is if you are on the same page as far as musical interest and skill. You can get the interest part easy enough via phone/email. And, when it comes to skills, a persons quirks can be easily worked around if the can play/sing well. If they are control freaks, you can spot that really quickly, sometimes in their ads.
 

JustJames

Platinum Member
This "guitarist" you found on craigslist and you're worried about meeting...she's not 24, blonde, busty and a part-time model is she?
 

Pocket-full-of-gold

Platinum Member
It's not the standard in my experience.
Gotta remember they're Yanks, Dre. They're a paranoid mob at heart. Uninvited strangers on their property tend to get shot by all accounts. Pity the poor postman. I dunno mate, all those friggen guns for "protection" and they still don't feel safe. :)

Joking aside, OP you don't think you're overthinking this one a shade? Or if you're really that frightened of stranger danger, what about booking a rehearsal room for the jam? At least that way you'll be on neutral ground should they turn out to be an escapee from a mental asylum who wants to slit your throat during the middle eight.
 

mmulcahy1

Platinum Member
Gotta remember they're Yanks, Dre. They're a paranoid mob at heart. Uninvited strangers on their property tend to get shot by all accounts. Pity the poor postman. I dunno mate, all those friggen guns for "protection" and they still don't feel safe. :)

Joking aside, OP you don't think you're overthinking this one a shade? Or if you're really that frightened of stranger danger, what about booking a rehearsal room for the jam? At least that way you'll be on neutral ground should they turn out to be an escapee from a mental asylum who wants to slit your throat during the middle eight.
You're a funny guy, Pocket! ;-)

I'm being cautious on behalf of my wife; I'm a pretty easy going "Yank."

Her whole family has this Stranger Danger mentality. I can't figure it out… Just don't tell her I said that. :)
 

Aeolian

Platinum Member
If you can't find an open mic jam in the vein that you play, what about meeting up at a music store? Having worked in one I'm not crazy about people just coming in to wank on the gear but it's done so much, why not with an actual purpose? Not that you can actually jam together, but you can each hear each other play and get an idea if you're on the same page. Plus, nobody moves any equipment.
 

mmulcahy1

Platinum Member
If you can't find an open mic jam in the vein that you play, what about meeting up at a music store? Having worked in one I'm not crazy about people just coming in to wank on the gear but it's done so much, why not with an actual purpose? Not that you can actually jam together, but you can each hear each other play and get an idea if you're on the same page. Plus, nobody moves any equipment.
That's a really good idea. The only problem with that is of the three places in town that sell drums, only one place has a kit (yes, "a" kit) set up. It would be kind of weird anyhow.

Besides, I'm a lefty and they don't like the kit moved around.
 

Andy

Administrator
Staff member
Do either of you have any recorded material? Even rough stuff? Exchanging files/videos can at least get some basic playing questions/doubts/preference issues out of the way.

As an initial appraisal means, I don't see meeting for a coffee as being much more fruitful than a telephone conversation really. Going straight into a jam situation is much more likely to reveal stuff by being the catalyst that opens up all manner of communication channels.
 

mikel

Platinum Member
I still think the meet up before you play is the way to go. I joined a newly forming band in the pub for a drink and a chinwag. We talked about what we have done and what we liked musically and found some common ground. We arranged to meet at a rehersal studio the following week and agreed on 5 songs to play. Simple and sensible.

It also gave me the chance to chat to the personalities and realise they were all ok and people I can get on with. The bassist in particular is a very funny guy, not something that comes over in texts and emails.
 

johnnylaw

Senior Member
I like the open mic/jam thing when I'm not sure. The music store bit has potential as well.

There can be some real disappointments on Craigslist. There can also be good folks.
 
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