Having trouble asking a girl out in college

drummindan8484

Senior Member
Just a side note. When you've been put/or put yourself in the "friend-zone" you will NEVER EVER have any chance of getting anything out of the girl. If you want to just be friends with her and haven't got any other thoughts, then it's alright to bring the other dude with you. It's not like he's going to steal her.
I don't really want anything out of her honestly. I know we're not right for each other, but I still like her and wanna hang out with her. Thanks for the advice though, I know I'm overthinking this. I overthink everything honestly.
 

Midnite Zephyr

Platinum Member
I remember being young, dumb and full of (well you know). Ahhh yes, memories....you're at the age where girls are number 1 priority. Dude, let me tell you. It's all in the numbers. Go ask out 10 girls just as hot as she is and I guarantee that one of them will go out with you. I like friends that are girls if they like to party because in my experience they are always very generous.
 

eddiehimself

Platinum Member
W
@eddie: The only way you get a gf/spouse is by asking out girls. And the trick is, you get better at it the more often you do it. There's also the factor that some people fall harder than others when getting rejected, but drummindan seems to be handling things pretty smoothly. (to me, a 17 yr old lol)
Oooh wow a 17 year old relationship expert! Seriously, I'm not going to start taking advice from someone who isn't even aware that couples are supposed to sleep in the same bed...

Thanks man. So far so good, she replied to my message this morning saying she's glad to know we're on the same page and talking to her in class nothing was too awkward.

Do have one question though. In my reply to that message, I very casually invited her to join me and the bass player from that class in seeing Bela Fleck and the Flecktones next March. The only thing is, is it wrong for a girl to hang out with 2 dudes at once? I figured I could at least ask her since I know she likes Bela and co, likes us as friends (dude has a girlfriend, I told him he can bring her along if he wishes), it's just the moderate level of taboo that could be seen with that. Opinions please. Keep in mind this is a girl who prefers to hang out with guys if I didn't mention that already (I saw some men's website refer to her type as the "Guy's Girl"- the slightly quirky girl that gets along better with guys do to her personality and interest.)
Mate, seriously, you need to stop looking on the internet for advice. Some things are best sorted out in your head or by discussing it with friends or family. If you have any problems with your drums then by all means ask us, but you can't expect people you've never met before on the internet to solve every tiny problem you come across in life. What you've got to understand is that everyone has problems in their life and whilst people are willing to give you advice to an extent, there is only so far you can take it.
 
Last edited:
W

Oooh wow a 17 year old relationship expert! Seriously, I'm not going to start taking advice from someone who isn't even aware that couples are supposed to sleep in the same bed...
That wasn't advice, it's called common sense. Problem: drummindan wants a gf. Solution: Ask her out. You don't tell a guy to NOT ask out a girl if he's trying to date her. From the beginning, you were suggesting that he would get burned if he asked her out, due to whatever experience you had in the past.

@"who isn't even aware that couples are supposed to sleep in the same bed...". If they live on an American college campus they most likely wouldn't be sleeping on the same rock hard, twin-size bed every night in their 8x8 dorm room, shared with 2 or 3 other people. I never said couples didn't sleep in the same bed, but if we're talking college students (edit: who live in dorms)... yeah, they typically don't.
 
Last edited:

drummindan8484

Senior Member
That wasn't advice, it's called common sense. Problem: drummindan wants a gf. Solution: Ask her out. You don't tell a guy to NOT ask out a girl if he's trying to date her. From the beginning, you were suggesting that he would get burned if he asked her out, due to whatever experience you had in the past.

@"who isn't even aware that couples are supposed to sleep in the same bed...". If they live on an American college campus they most likely wouldn't be sleeping on the same rock hard, twin-size bed every night in their 8x8 dorm room, shared with 2 or 3 other people. I never said couples didn't sleep in the same bed, but if we're talking college students (edit: who live in dorms)... yeah, they typically don't.
AlphaAccount, even though I already asked I really don't feel that I got burned in this situation, I just know that the girl I asked is the way she is and that we're just not right for each other.

I don't live in a dorm btw. I live at home still, it's only 15 minutes from my house. I'll be going to a 4 year next year though.
 

eddiehimself

Platinum Member
That wasn't advice, it's called common sense. Problem: drummindan wants a gf. Solution: Ask her out. You don't tell a guy to NOT ask out a girl if he's trying to date her. From the beginning, you were suggesting that he would get burned if he asked her out, due to whatever experience you had in the past.
I didn't say he shouldn't ask her out. I just said it would be a bit of a waste of time if he ended up with her.

@"who isn't even aware that couples are supposed to sleep in the same bed...". If they live on an American college campus they most likely wouldn't be sleeping on the same rock hard, twin-size bed every night in their 8x8 dorm room, shared with 2 or 3 other people. I never said couples didn't sleep in the same bed, but if we're talking college students (edit: who live in dorms)... yeah, they typically don't.
Don't talk to me about halls of residence mate. You've probably never even been in one, let alone lived there. Most people at uni move out of halls after the first year, can't wait to get out of the place.
 
Last edited:
I didn't say he shouldn't ask her out. I just said it would be a bit of a waste of time if he ended up with her.



Don't talk to me about halls of residence mate. You've probably never even been in one, let alone lived there. Most people at uni move out of halls after the first year, can't wait to get out of the place.
Basically what I meant is saying it's a waste of time is a little pessimistic. Who knows, it may not be a waste of time. What can I say, I'm an optimist. :p

And yeah, I've been inside a dorm. I actually can't wait to move out. I have my roommate set and everything. The dorm is relatively larger than the ones at other schools I've visited and it's four people to a bathroom. Regardless, I'll probably want out as soon as I get there. lol
 
Last edited:

drummindan8484

Senior Member
Thanks man. So far so good, she replied to my message this morning saying she's glad to know we're on the same page and talking to her in class nothing was too awkward.

Do have one question though. In my reply to that message, I very casually invited her to join me and the bass player from that class in seeing Bela Fleck and the Flecktones next March. The only thing is, is it wrong for a girl to hang out with 2 dudes at once?
Just thought I'd update to say that turned out not to be an issue as that other dude can't go and I'm going with her and my teacher as part of a huge group. As with everything else, yeah I was overthinking it. Hung out with them today for the first time and it was great. So far just about everything I worried about after she said no turned out to not even be an issue.

And if you get a chance, please watch the videos and reply to this thread- any comments on my playing help (one of these has her playing as well):
http://drummerworld.com/forums/showthread.php?t=84322
 
M

mediocrefunkybeat

Guest
Basically what I meant is saying it's a waste of time is a little pessimistic. Who knows, it may not be a waste of time. What can I say, I'm an optimist. :p

And yeah, I've been inside a dorm. I actually can't wait to move out. I have my roommate set and everything. The dorm is relatively larger than the ones at other schools I've visited and it's four people to a bathroom. Regardless, I'll probably want out as soon as I get there. lol
Things are a bit different over here.

Most halls of residence in the UK are individual rooms. There are very few twin rooms in my experience. This is true of halls built in the 1960s and onwards. The beds never were big enough for me, though!
 
Jeez!!! I am sorry but someone needs to be straight with you. This girl is not interested in you. She has tried to be nice, she has tried to be direct and still you are going back again and again. That is not going to make her like you more (just the opposite). It sounds like you are obsessing and really need to give yourself a shake before you freak her out and upset her.
As a gigging drummer you should be able to meet lots of girls who would be interested in you. Drummers are cool and if you just allow that to come through, I am sure you will find girls approaching you but if you cannot see past this one girl, perhaps you are blind to the ones who come on to you.
Chill out, take it easy and look at all the pretty girls!
Good luck.
 

drummindan8484

Senior Member
Jeez!!! I am sorry but someone needs to be straight with you. This girl is not interested in you. She has tried to be nice, she has tried to be direct and still you are going back again and again. That is not going to make her like you more (just the opposite). It sounds like you are obsessing and really need to give yourself a shake before you freak her out and upset her.
As a gigging drummer you should be able to meet lots of girls who would be interested in you. Drummers are cool and if you just allow that to come through, I am sure you will find girls approaching you but if you cannot see past this one girl, perhaps you are blind to the ones who come on to you.
Chill out, take it easy and look at all the pretty girls!
Good luck.
Read the frickin rest of the thread before you start getting agressive! Last time I ever ask for advice on the internet. Damn.
She's a friend, that's what we consider each other at this point,it's mutual. I told her that I know she's not right for me as a girlfriend and I said I'd like to be friends still because I like her a lot as a person. We hung out on Wednesday (with my teacher), I'll be going to his annual Festivus party with her next week, and we'll all be going to that Bela Fleck show in March. Friendly activities. Granted I may be thinking too much about it but don't accuse me of doing something I'm not.
 
M

mediocrefunkybeat

Guest
Read the frickin rest of the thread before you start getting agressive! Last time I ever ask for advice on the internet. Damn.
And maybe this is why she isn't interested in you. You're being just as aggressive as anybody else.
 

Mad About Drums

Pollyanna's Agent
Read the frickin rest of the thread before you start getting agressive! Last time I ever ask for advice on the internet. Damn.
She's a friend, that's what we consider each other at this point,it's mutual. I told her that I know she's not right for me as a girlfriend and I said I'd like to be friends still because I like her a lot as a person. We hung out on Wednesday (with my teacher), I'll be going to his annual Festivus party with her next week, and we'll all be going to that Bela Fleck show in March. Friendly activities. Granted I may be thinking too much about it but don't accuse me of doing something I'm not.
I sympathize with you fancying that girl, and most of us have tried to help you on your initial OP question, but somehow, after 132 replies over 4 pages with a breathtaking 3250 views, I feel it's time to call it a day man, it is a drum forum for drummers to discuss mainly drums related issues.

No offence drummindan :)
 

drummindan8484

Senior Member
You know what guys, I'm sorry for getting aggressive like I did. I think what I should have said is, the only person who understands this situation is me and that beyond the initial "how do I ask", I really shouldn't have taken it beyond that here, rather only asked for advice from people I know. I know for a fact that she likes me as a friend- she told me herself, and that's all I consider her at this point. You guys are making me out to be some kind of loser who keeps pursuing a girl hoping she'll change her mind, but that's not at all what's happening here. I'm just talking to her and staying a friend because I like her in that way and she feels the same about me. So I'll keep being her friend and you guys can say the same kind of stuff you're saying, because I know I'm doing the right thing here and there's nothing you can do to change my mind. None of the people I've talked to about this situation have said the kind of stuff you guys have said to me- they were all encouraging me to continue being her friend. This girl is not like anyone I've met, this is a situation that you can't just google and find advice on, and the only people who understand this situation are those involved, none of you. So this is the last time I'll ask for advice on an internet forum. Biggest thing I've learned from this situation. Let's all let this thing go.
 

Midnite Zephyr

Platinum Member
Well, what do you expect? We're drummers, not relationship coaches. I followed this whole thread. You didn't do anything wrong. She sounds cool to hang out with like "one of the guys". Why not? Most chicks talk about stuff I have no interest in at all. I know because I hear them talking at lunchtime, etc. the next table over. I hope you don't give up a drum forum because of misinformed dating advice. I know as a drummer that you never stop learning, so why would you want to give up such a great source and wealth of knowledge once you've found it?
 

drummindan8484

Senior Member
Well, what do you expect? We're drummers, not relationship coaches. I followed this whole thread. You didn't do anything wrong. She sounds cool to hang out with like "one of the guys". Why not? Most chicks talk about stuff I have no interest in at all. I know because I hear them talking at lunchtime, etc. the next table over. I hope you don't give up a drum forum because of misinformed dating advice. I know as a drummer that you never stop learning, so why would you want to give up such a great source and wealth of knowledge once you've found it?

The bolded part is exactly why I like her. In the speech class that I took this past semester to fulfill a gen ed requirement, the first speech was to partner up with someone, interview them and then give a speech on them to introduce to the class. Some of those girls were just so frickin boring, then you meet her and it's just like talking to one of the guys. I've never met a cooler girl in my life. As far as me doing anything wrong, I knew that all along along. One common thread I noticed when asking people for advice is that different people seemed to have a slightly different concept of what's really going on, and I think that's what happened here. I love this forum and will not give it up, just no more asking for dating advice!
 

Pollyanna

Platinum Member
One option is to simplify your life and skip the whole dalliance thing. If it happens it happens. If not, you have a friend.

There's no (official) law decreeing that you date anyone. You can be happily single, unencumbered, free, able to focus on playing music ... and you need never watch a chick flick or tag along on shoe shopping expeditions.
 

Pocket-full-of-gold

Platinum Member
You can be happily single, unencumbered, free, able to focus on playing music ... and you need never watch a chick flick or tag along on shoe shopping expeditions.
You are however, resolved to playing with it by yourself in the shower. Which is ok to visit on occasion, but wouldn't wanna live there!! :)
 
Top