I think the opening should be a little more relaxed. Overall, seems a little rushed. The reprise seems more in spirit. The tune, for me, has a push and pull quality about it, kind of like Nardis. it also has a drifting quality. The bass is doing that well, listen to him/her.
I like the vibe of you three...very good sound and great ideas!
Though I`d like to add something:
The appearance of this tune is rather mellow, soft, sensitive...at least the guitar and bass puts it like this. I wouldn`t add too many notes to the whole thing, don`t try to play all the notes the guitar is playing on the drums as well. An example are the 16th notes on the ride cymbal, it just makes it sound very busy. Try to keep it more relaxed at some spots. I like your approach...so why not expanding this?
For a B part you could either take a little break to breathe from the straighter rhythm you`re playing in the A part (crashing your cymbals here and there, keep it calm to support the mellow character)...or playing a straight rhythm. The difficult thing when doing latter is make up the contrast without breaking it in two halfs.
I liked it. Metheny's music, and specially this tune swims in Lyle May's torrents of spacious piano arpeggios so therefore to play it without a keyboard and have it sound this good is an accomplishment.
I like all your ideas on the drums too, very sophisticated, but perhaps too many of them at times?
The tune also sounds best when you are riding the cymbals and the accents/fills are more blended into the comping rather than jumping out of the mix. My 2 cents.
The recording doesn't do justice to what you guys played, so better luck on the next one.