Being told what to play

KenDoken

KenDoken

Junior Member
I had an argument with the guitarist over the last 2 rehearsals

We were rehearsing a standard and the guitarist stops the the song " Your playing is too busy, you need to play it sparser." I was taken aback as i have never had any direction from him over the 2 years we have played together. I changed my tack and played it much crisper and and gentler. It was agreed that this was how we would go forward

I have great respect for the guitarist and would never tell him how to play. Being told what to play to fit with his view of a song pissed me off

Next rehearsal we started the song ( with a reminder from the guitarist to play it as was done before ) I played the song as was agreed only to be called up on playing it wrong. "The recording has no drums so you need to keep it really pared back"

Now i have never tried to rehash particular recordings of songs and have studied the lyrics and built my own interpretation and have always been clear about that. My reply was "I think ill not drum on this song then" this did not go down well

I am worried that this the start of a change in aproach within the band. Any thoughts?
 
It does sound out of the blue after two years. I've been informed and after reflection can confirm that I get grouchy about things when some other, unrelated thing is bothering me. Maybe it's like that?
 
ok sparse would be quarter notes/everything/just marking time
He doesn't like that, then, Half notes/everything
(this is getting to be work)
Still not sufficient,
Take it down to whole notes
 
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Rock Salad said:
It does sound out of the blue after two years. I've been informed and after reflection can confirm that I get grouchy about things when some other, unrelated thing is bothering me. Maybe it's like that?
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This is a factor yes, Im down on my luck at the moment and he seems a bit morose. I think he was being surly and rude so I threw my toys out of the pram. Neither a classy peformance
 
Basically, who tells who what to do depends on a few things. Is it that person's band or are they the MD? Did that person write the song? Does the band play covers with their own spin on them that requires a certain style from the drummer that's not being met? Is the guitar player also a drummer and trying to impose his will on the playing?

But agreed that 2 years is a long time to suddenly start giving directions. That would be more concerning than the directions themselves.

People change and the dynamic within a group can change. If the situation becomes more unpleasant, it may be time to move on. Hard to know if this is something than can be discussed and worked out, although in a band fueled with artistry and egos, it's often an uphill battle.
 
I'd give it one more rehearsal and see how it goes. If it goes the same as these past two have gone, then maybe it's time to explore other options. Guitar players have bad days and even bad seasons in their lives as well. You may be the victim of some sort of misdirected anger. You never know what demons their fighting; however, it's not your fight to fight either.

In short, try it again. Bite your tongue, and if the practice doesn't feel right anymore, then it's time to move on. YMMV.
 
in my world:

1. no one has the right to be d**k about things to other people, regardless of how their day has been. if you can't get over yourself and communicate well, then take yourself out of the picture. I do this on the rare occasion that I can't control my mood. If I feel like I can't deal with other people, i "call in sick". This is coming from my dad teaching me that people have enough of their own problems to deal with, you should not pile on yours as well.

2. I personally never allow people to be a jerk to me, and then say "oh sorry, I was having a bad day" more than once. I don't have time for that kind of interaction, and it usually is a huge indicator of many other things to come that I also don't want to be a part of.

- yes, to many people this makes me seem like the jerk, but I just don't get how people can ignore civility for whatever reason. It seems very narcissistic and selfish. I think we are living in a cesspool of that attitude in the last 50 years. So much time and energy is wasted on this kind of communication.

if you need me to change something, tell me respectfully, and you will get an immediate response, usually no questions asked. Be a d**k about it, and the super smart a$$ in me will come out, until I leave
 
Im certainly not ready to quit the band and want to make things work

I wonder of this is a buildup with his frustrations at my musical choices. I would class him as a perfectionist which is part of his musical brilliance. I think it must be tough being like that

Im not a perfectionist but im no meathead who steamrolls through a song without trying to serve fellow musicians. I guess I can try even harder to make him sound even better
 
Record the rehearsals and then evaluate your playing upon hearing the playback. Once you've evaluated your playing and formed your thoughts & opinions, respectfully talk with Guitarist about it.
 
Why do people get worked up about suggestions and requests to play something a certain way? Every band I’ve been in that was worth a crap has done that, and every band that didn’t or got angry about being told what to play pretty well sucked.

That said, some people can be dicky about it. Took me a hot minute to figure that out and try not to be dicky. But some people hear the overall picture better than others, and sometimes someone is just plain in charge and wants it that way.

Ken, I don’t want to speak on your situation because you may very well be right on with your thoughts, or you may not. But I would say two years without being asked to change what you do may be a record, and it’s way more than I’ve ever had, even when I was the BL.
 
cbphoto said:
Record the rehearsals and then evaluate your playing upon hearing the playback. Once you've evaluated your playing and formed your thoughts & opinions, respectfully talk with Guitarist about it.
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This is exactly why I invested in a Zoom H6 Recorder so that EVERY song in EVERY rehearsal is recorded.
It's primarily for me to listen to my mistakes in order to correct them, but the rest of the band are sent a copy the next day.Whether they choose to listen (or not) is THEIR prerogative, but the evidence is there should anyone want to question anyone else's performance.
 
I've never worked in a band where there wasn't a little "what if you tried this" bandied about from time to time in all directions. Maybe it's the how it's said more than the asking for something different itself, but I think that everyone in a band should have a say when it comes to trying to make the song better.

It can be hard to articulate in terms the other person understands, if you aren't fluent in the other instrument, but I don't think there's any harm in trying to figure it out together.
 
Xstr8edgtnrdrmrX said:
in my world:

1. no one has the right to be d**k about things to other people, regardless of how their day has been. if you can't get over yourself and communicate well, then take yourself out of the picture. I do this on the rare occasion that I can't control my mood. If I feel like I can't deal with other people, i "call in sick". This is coming from my dad teaching me that people have enough of their own problems to deal with, you should not pile on yours as well.

2. I personally never allow people to be a jerk to me, and then say "oh sorry, I was having a bad day" more than once. I don't have time for that kind of interaction, and it usually is a huge indicator of many other things to come that I also don't want to be a part of.

- yes, to many people this makes me seem like the jerk, but I just don't get how people can ignore civility for whatever reason. It seems very narcissistic and selfish. I think we are living in a cesspool of that attitude in the last 50 years. So much time and energy is wasted on this kind of communication.

if you need me to change something, tell me respectfully, and you will get an immediate response, usually no questions asked. Be a d**k about it, and the super smart a$$ in me will come out, until I leave
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"The recording has no drums so you need to keep it really pared back" isn't being a d**k.
 
The key to any relationship is honest communication. Is it just this particular tune that he wants changed? Maybe he's right. See it objectively. Is he nitpicking or criticizing your playing in general? A good ol' "Hey, Man, Let's Talk This Out" moment should be had. I work with a band of monster musicians that have played together for 50 years. Sometimes, the guitarist will comment on what I do with constructive criticism, other times he'll praise what I'm doing. It's about honesty and what the song truly calls for, which can sometimes be different than our individual interpretation. Best, MT
 
Rattlin' Bones said:
"The recording has no drums so you need to keep it really pared back" isn't being a d**k.
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You may be right. Maybe it was more of how it was said? Personally, I love playing super sparse and light. I wish I could do that more often and would probably welcome that comment myself.
 
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