Being jaded.

The Scorpio

Senior Member
I was wondering how you feel about being jaded. By pursing music as a possible career, I have been lied to, underpaid, malnourished, strung out, stepped on, passed over, and the like. There have been so many broken promises and broken hearts in the past six years that I used to wonder if I would even play drums anymore.

I have become jaded, to put it simply.

My guard is always up when it comes to new band members, and I'm very slow to make a judgement call about anything or anyone until the reasons and motives become clear.

Is this a bad thing? You tell me.

For me it was a bad thing for a while, but when I rediscovered the "fun" aspect of drums, that helped out alot. It keeps me playing and writing new music. However I'm still jaded. Still not quick to trust, and not quick to get excited about anything musically related. In my mind, it's a slow process of steps and I'm just trying to pick the best next step.

So is being jaded a bad thing? Could it help? Does it hurt?

-Kyle
 

MikeM

Platinum Member
It can hurt. Anything that saps the fun out of the whole process can't be a good thing, right?

Everyone's got their own MO and mine has been to just try and stay connected to the idea that the drumming and songwriting are fun, and playing to an appreciative audience is as good as it gets.

Money, politics, and all that other stuff I try to keep secondary as much as possible.

The problem I have with my jadedness is that I've been playing around for so long that I have a really hard time getting excited about the other bands on a bill. We're usually on a bill with 2 or 3 other bands and there's this feeling like I should be watching and supporting them, as I would hope they'd do for me. But honestly, I can watch a band for a couple songs usually and figure out what their shtick is. That's usually enough and then I lose interest - unless they're doing something that's catches me off guard or somehow surprises me in some novel/cool way, then I stick around and let myself be entertained. But there just aren't that many bands around that can do that and I'll be damned if I'm going to spend a night out watching crap bands when I can hang out with my friends that I haven't seen in who-knows-how-long!
 
A

Anthony Amodeo

Guest
I was wondering how you feel about being jaded. By pursing music as a possible career, I have been lied to, underpaid, malnourished, strung out, stepped on, passed over, and the like. There have been so many broken promises and broken hearts in the past six years that I used to wonder if I would even play drums anymore.

I have become jaded, to put it simply.

My guard is always up when it comes to new band members, and I'm very slow to make a judgement call about anything or anyone until the reasons and motives become clear.

Is this a bad thing? You tell me.

For me it was a bad thing for a while, but when I rediscovered the "fun" aspect of drums, that helped out alot. It keeps me playing and writing new music. However I'm still jaded. Still not quick to trust, and not quick to get excited about anything musically related. In my mind, it's a slow process of steps and I'm just trying to pick the best next step.

So is being jaded a bad thing? Could it help? Does it hurt?

-Kyle


I feel your pain

yes it can hurt your chances of getting work

I have found that feeling that way and wearing that you feel that way on your sleeve are two totally different things

I try to always stay positive and wear a smile even though I know this business will chew you up and spit you out with no sympathy

I trust very few, and expect nothing but giving everything I possibly can from myself

I never display a bitter demeanor or hold grudges because that only wears on your own soul and does not affect those you feel that way toward one bit

I only worry about what I can control

do your best and be your best self at all times and it will shine through and people will notice

sometimes you will get the call just because you are pleasant to be around

Im not suggesting you be meek and allow anyone to walk on you... absolutely not

understand the realities of the business but dont let it jade you

the grind is tough ...but it will make our success that much sweeter

be prepared and available

keep shedding
 

bermuda

Drummerworld Pro Drummer - Administrator
Staff member
The 'fun' of playing has to be the most important thing. The moment you start placing too much importance on trying to make it a career, you're subject to frustration, disappointment, and conflict at the hands of liars, cheaters, dreamers, etc. But if you genuinely play drums for the love of it, no person or situation can take that away.

Everyone gets jaded to some degree, I don't think it's ever a good motivation though. Try not to let it control your life or rob you of the fun of playing. As for it making you more cautious about projects and gigs, there's nothing wrong with thinking things through carefully. You're not obligated to make snap judgements when it comes to playing.

Bermuda
 

inneedofgrace

Platinum Member
Everything you said is accurate and commonplace. But I would also say that everything you said is accurate and commonplace in most occupations and areas of business. I have been jaded many times throughout my career. I've learned to cope with the emotions and make decisions that alter my career path for the better. As we preach in management training to younger employees: you and you alone are in charge of your career development. Don't count on the company, the business or industry to do that for you.
 
A

Anthony Amodeo

Guest
Everything you said is accurate and commonplace. But I would also say that everything you said is accurate and commonplace in most occupations and areas of business. I have been jaded many times throughout my career. I've learned to cope with the emotions and make decisions that alter my career path for the better. As we preach in management training to younger employees: you and you alone are in charge of your career development. Don't count on the company, the business or industry to do that for you.


South Jersey stand up!!!!!

:)
 

Andy

Administrator
Staff member
Is this a bad thing? You tell me.
-Kyle
Yes, it is a bad thing. It was the "condition" that lead to me giving up drums & any musical interface for 22 years. It robbed me of so much. I completely lost the joy of playing, & given that drumming for a living was a shit job anyhow (in terms of conditions, pay per hour, etc), I needed the joy to enable me to continue.

I was young, & probably a bit immature, so I didn't have the tools to properly contextualise my experiences. These days, I find joy in the aspects of playing that I know to be wholesome & uncluttered. That focus balances out my total frustration at the skills I've missed out on because I threw in the towel early, just. Nonchalance is a mere veil to disguise a very dangerous build up of frustration, & that just lowers the flash point awaiting the spark. Break down your frustrations/experiences into small parcels, then consign them to the "dealt with but not forgotten" bin. That way, you'll avoid making the catastrophic error of judgement that blighted my life, & rekindle the virgin joy of the playing experience.

Good luck, Andy.
 
Not sure if I can help much but it sure makes an all around difference when you do things just for the love of it... It shows in many ways although many have had bad experiences in this industry & it can take alot of wind out of you; one thing that you can always tell is when a person has passion & just loves what they do! To me it is the one thing that gives them the edge in being hired versus not. I've seen chops & things bring flare to a show but groovin, stayin in the pocket, & delivery fro the heart will keep work flowin your way. Well, that's been my experience. Keep rockin, keep lovin, keep playin! Hold on bro
 

The Scorpio

Senior Member
Thank you for all your wonderful advice guys. It feels like a weight is starting to come off my shoulders. Perhaps I'm striking a new balance between excitement and cynicism? Only time will tell.

Our new band recently lost our bassist/lead singer due to circumstances we could not control. But his departure was amicable and we are still very much friends. This was not what lead me to post, it was rather "the straw that broke the camel's back"; an indicator that I am nearing the end of my rope.

We are jamming with a new singer Sunday, and I'm starting to get that excited feeling again, which is something I haven't felt in about two years.

If it flops, oh well. If the heavens open up and the singer is anointed as the chosen one, sweet!

Either way I will continue to play drums and write songs, because that is what I was put on this earth to do.
 
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