Band significant others!

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Dr_Watso

Platinum Member
If she's bitching about 2 practices a month, there is no hope. Basically 1 gig per month too... Can't get much more reasonable than that.

Sorry, OP, your guitar player needs to grow a pair or you're screwed.
 

SquadLeader

Gold Member
If she's bitching about 2 practices a month, there is no hope. Basically 1 gig per month too... Can't get much more reasonable than that.

Sorry, OP, your guitar player needs to grow a pair or you're screwed.
It's a tough one though, especially if there are children involved to.

My first wife pretty much slammed down on hobbies I had (including playing drums). So much so that I lost my close friends, and took a 15 year hiatus from the two hobbies I loved, music and a weird game called Advanced Squad Leader.

She also made me move my two dogs out to a new owner. Probably the most painful thing in my life that ever happened to me.

I did it because I feared not doing it would break the family up and that I'd lose the kids. Had there been no kids I'd have probably agreed to sacrifice the drumming...but told her to f*** off when it came to the dogs.

15 years later. The kids got into their teens. I got back into drumming. She got shirty. She tried it again. I was tired of it. I left. She still maintains to this day that I destroyed the family. And she's probably right. I probably did. Because, I COULD have given up drumming again.

My 2nd wife now...couldn't be more supportive. She loves the band and the music and is quite glad to see the back of me three times a year form my war gaming hobby to.

But...my point. A scheming, controlling, wife can really grip you by the short and curlies if she wants to and, if there are kids on the scene, there's a lot of sacrifices you'll make to keep the family unit together. I wish I knew then what I know now. I do consider my first wife thoroughly evil. She even maintained during divorce proceedings that I physically abused her. I have never raised my hands to her or the children. My 15 year old son stuck up for me on this. Even her own parents told her to not be so ridiculous. After three months of her ongoing control methods (including threats to kill herself....so often, that by the end I told her to just get on with it and do it....she didn't) the kids both moved in with me and don't see much of her at all these days.
 
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funkutron

Guest
My (3rd) Wife and I have been married now for over ten years. She is VERY supportive of my music, she even helps me set up and break down and load my drums! I would not have married someone who was not, you've got to live and learn what you want in a relationship, and some of what I've read here is quite disturbing. Some women don't like the fact that as musicians, we have other women noticing us and hitting on us. But some women like that, because they know that you are theirs, and the other women can try, but they can't have you. It makes you more of a "catch" to them.....somehow I don't think I could have attracted a Wife like I have now if I just worked a day job and didn't play.....
 

BruceW

Senior Member
The situation between me and my SO is at a point where it really doesn't matter much any longer, for better and for worse, lol. So long as the kids and the dogs are accounted for, it is what it is.

I do play in one band where we have a female lead singer. And her SO has had times where he has gotten jealous about her, and that has caused issues for them (and us, to a degree). Let's face it, any lead singer needs to be engaged and involved with the crowd to really make the show go, especially female lead singers. Our girl is just being a little flirty and such on stage, and was wearing a dress that was, well, a bit on the short side. She's just performing on stage, dude...they seem to have calmed that crap down lately, so I'm hopeful.
 
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funkutron

Guest
She sounds incredibly selfish, which is incredibly common with band significant others.

Frankly, I lose a lot of respect for a dude who drops music for someone like that. Every time the subject comes up for me, I make it extremely clear that if the choice is "her or music", then my choice is music. Anyone who could take away something so important to me doesn't deserve me.
I could not agree more. "Dudes" that let women tell them what to do in my opinion need to grow a pair! I know a lot of players like this though...they need a "Mummy" for a SO to tell them what to do, and in some cases, the women control ALL the money as well! Not in MY house, that's for sure!
 

SquadLeader

Gold Member
I could not agree more. "Dudes" that let women tell them what to do in my opinion need to grow a pair! I know a lot of players like this though...they need a "Mummy" for a SO to tell them what to do, and in some cases, the women control ALL the money as well! Not in MY house, that's for sure!
Bit harsh.

Some dudes care about their family and really love their wives mate. And, in some cases, put both before playing drums (as I once did...and probably would do again if it was something my current wife felt I was putting too much time into).

I guess some people think drumming and music is more important than others. I think it's very secondary in my life. I like it. I possibly even love it. But not to the impediment of all else around me.
 

GruntersDad

Administrator - Mayor
Staff member
Time to wrap up another episode of who do we bash now. Slamming the fair sex behind their backs is a bit one sided. I think we all have our stories and will air them on Facebook. Thanks for playing along.
 
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