Appreciating Your Bandmates

Juniper

Gold Member
Something I’ve been struggling with at times the last couple of weeks so excuse the essay.

A couple of weeks ago, like most evenings, I’d returned home after walking my dogs and was sitting in our garden with them cooling off. To kill some time I opened up Twitter to find a band mate/friends name trending in the UK.

Initially intrigued as I knew she had an album coming out I quickly found to my horror and shock it was because she had passed away earlier that day and social media was full of condolences.

This person I absolutely adored. She was very well known and respected in the music industry and lucky young me was asked to join a side project of hers back in 2008. We had no dealings before then but a MySpace (remember that!!) drumming page I set up got the bands attention.

After joining, 6 years passed following some very high profile gigs/tours and even though no one in the band did the whole “we’ve broken up” chat it was fair to say the band was on an indefinite hiatus and the longer time passed it was clear everyone had moved onto other projects.

I’ve mentioned the band frequently previously before on this forum as the highlight of my drumming journey.

D was one of my favourite people I’ve ever met through music and we kept in contact frequently to check in on how we were and what musical projects we were working on away from the band we were in. I classed her as a friend more than anything but also a role model for how she conducted herself and the career she made for herself. She was a force of nature that would stop a room in its tracks from her talent. Her passing has absolutely knocked me for six.

Her legendary vocals were something to behold on the many high profile records she graced but to see her in various reversal rooms and venues was something else. To see her perform, up close, and come alive in the moment was a magical experience. She made me a better drummer, without doubt. She always had suggestions and expected the best from you but it was done in the best, encouraging way.

I saw an improvement in my drumming in terms of musicality very quickly.

Most importantly, to be in her company was something else. No one had a bad word to say about her and everyone in Manchester knew her and adored her. She always took the time to ask about my other half and hassle me about when we could next visit her and when she was going to get a wedding invite.

Although we occasionally checked in on each other I nearly messaged her for a catch up a couple of weeks before her passing as I was listening to some of our old recordings but I didn’t as our baby needed attention suddenly so I put my phone down and unfortunately it never happened after.

So if you’re reading this, if there are band mates or former bandmates you haven’t spoken to in a while that you think of fondly and bonded through music either pick up the phone and check in on them or send them a message

You never know when you’ll not have another chance to convey your love and appreciation to them.
 
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C.M. Jones

Well-known member
I can relate to your experience in ways I wish I couldn't. Please accept my sincere condolences. And to everyone else, don't delay touching base with your fellow musicians from the past. Life offers but one guarantee: that it will most certainly come to an end. We always believe we'll have time to make up for lost time, but the only sure time is now. Use it wisely.
 

Juniper

Gold Member
I can relate to your experience in ways I wish I couldn't. Please accept my sincere condolences. And to everyone else, don't delay touching base with your fellow musicians from the past. Life offers but one guarantee: That it will most certainly come to an end. We always believe we'll have time to make up for lost time, but the only sure time is now. Use it wisely.

Couldn’t have put it better myself and thank you.

Really don’t wait to remind people how much they mean to you.
 

Griffin

Well-known member
That‘s an awful way to find that out. So important to remember to show those in our lives what they mean to us, thank you for the reminder. Sending love from Aus
 

mikyok

Platinum Member
It knocks you cold, losing a friend. Remember the good times, realise that the world is a lonlier place without them and be glad to have had them in your life.

I lost my old cricket skipper last year (what a bloody character!), saw a lot of old faces at his send off that had come from all over the country. It's a shame it takes something like a loss to bring people together.

I've kept in touch with most of my old band mates, the ones you cherish will always keep in touch.
 

Al Strange

Well-known member
Something I’ve been struggling with at times the last couple of weeks so excuse the essay.

A couple of weeks ago, like most evenings, I’d returned home after walking my dogs and was sitting in our garden with them cooling off. To kill some time I opened up Twitter to find a band mate/friends name trending in the UK.

Initially intrigued as I knew she had an album coming out I quickly found to my horror and shock it was because she had passed away earlier that day and social media was full of condolences.

This person I absolutely adored. She was very well known and respected in the music industry and lucky young me was asked to join a side project of hers back in 2008. We had no dealings before then but a MySpace (remember that!!) drumming page I set up got the bands attention.

After joining, 6 years passed following some very high profile gigs/tours and even though no one in the band did the whole “we’ve broken up” chat it was fair to say the band was on an indefinite hiatus and the longer time passed it was clear everyone had moved onto other projects.

I’ve mentioned the band frequently previously before on this forum as the highlight of my drumming journey.

D was one of my favourite people I’ve ever met through music and we kept in contact frequently to check in on how we were and what musical projects we were working on away from the band we were in. I classed her as a friend more than anything but also a role model for how she conducted herself and the career she made for herself. She was a force of nature that would stop a room in its tracks from her talent. Her passing has absolutely knocked me for six.

Her legendary vocals were something to behold on the many high profile records she graced but to see her in various reversal rooms and venues was something else. To see her perform, up close, and come alive in the moment was a magical experience. She made me a better drummer, without doubt. She always had suggestions and expected the best from you but it was done in the best, encouraging way.

I saw an improvement in my drumming in terms of musicality very quickly.

Most importantly, to be in her company was something else. No one had a bad word to say about her and everyone in Manchester knew her and adored her. She always took the time to ask about my other half and hassle me about when we could next visit her and when she was going to get a wedding invite.

Although we occasionally checked in on each other I nearly messaged her for a catch up a couple of weeks before her passing as I was listening to some of our old recordings but I didn’t as our baby needed attention suddenly so I put my phone down and unfortunately it never happened after.

So if you’re reading this, if there are band mates or former bandmates you haven’t spoken to in a while that you think of fondly and bonded through music either pick up the phone and check in on them or send them a message

You never know when you’ll not have another chance to convey your love and appreciation to them.
Thanks for your post and sorry for your loss. A couple of old band mates immediately sprang to mind whilst reading your post. (y)
 

BruceW

Senior Member
That's tough...very sorry for you. I totally understand what you're getting at here....

I'm getting older, most of the people I've played with are at least my age or older. We have a rather large extended music family in this area, its really a family of sorts. Most of the musicians around here are supportive of one another, which was a pleasant surprise when I got back into playing actively 5-6 years ago. Whenever we lose someone, whether we've played with them directly or not, it's a loss felt by all...sadly, it's happening too often. With our demographic, that will only get worse, sadly.
 

Yamaha Rider

Well-known member
Something I’ve been struggling with at times the last couple of weeks so excuse the essay.

A couple of weeks ago, like most evenings, I’d returned home after walking my dogs and was sitting in our garden with them cooling off. To kill some time I opened up Twitter to find a band mate/friends name trending in the UK.

Initially intrigued as I knew she had an album coming out I quickly found to my horror and shock it was because she had passed away earlier that day and social media was full of condolences.

This person I absolutely adored. She was very well known and respected in the music industry and lucky young me was asked to join a side project of hers back in 2008. We had no dealings before then but a MySpace (remember that!!) drumming page I set up got the bands attention.

After joining, 6 years passed following some very high profile gigs/tours and even though no one in the band did the whole “we’ve broken up” chat it was fair to say the band was on an indefinite hiatus and the longer time passed it was clear everyone had moved onto other projects.

I’ve mentioned the band frequently previously before on this forum as the highlight of my drumming journey.

D was one of my favourite people I’ve ever met through music and we kept in contact frequently to check in on how we were and what musical projects we were working on away from the band we were in. I classed her as a friend more than anything but also a role model for how she conducted herself and the career she made for herself. She was a force of nature that would stop a room in its tracks from her talent. Her passing has absolutely knocked me for six.

Her legendary vocals were something to behold on the many high profile records she graced but to see her in various reversal rooms and venues was something else. To see her perform, up close, and come alive in the moment was a magical experience. She made me a better drummer, without doubt. She always had suggestions and expected the best from you but it was done in the best, encouraging way.

I saw an improvement in my drumming in terms of musicality very quickly.

Most importantly, to be in her company was something else. No one had a bad word to say about her and everyone in Manchester knew her and adored her. She always took the time to ask about my other half and hassle me about when we could next visit her and when she was going to get a wedding invite.

Although we occasionally checked in on each other I nearly messaged her for a catch up a couple of weeks before her passing as I was listening to some of our old recordings but I didn’t as our baby needed attention suddenly so I put my phone down and unfortunately it never happened after.

So if you’re reading this, if there are band mates or former bandmates you haven’t spoken to in a while that you think of fondly and bonded through music either pick up the phone and check in on them or send them a message

You never know when you’ll not have another chance to convey your love and appreciation to them.
Reminds me of someone I read relating some lessons he'd learnt in life (name escapes me, sorry).
He said one of the biggest mistakes you can make is to 'trust time' - because it can let you down by running out when you least expect it.
 

specgrade

Senior Member
Damn that sucks, sorry for your loss and the pain you feel inside. Go easy man.
 
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