Am I wrong????

F

FrontierGibberish

Senior Member
Last week my wife shared with me bad details regarding a young couple we are friends with. They are in their mid 20's and we are in our 40's. The couple is married and has a home. Living with them is the husband's parents - temporarily but they have been there long enough to terrorize their daughter-in-law. I will not go into the details but what my wife described is borderline abuse at best and at worst a horrible case of the husband being his parent's kid before his wife's husband. On Monday the gal invited us to dinner with them to celebrate her birthday.Yesterday my wife told me about the invite and without really listening or thinking (MY FAULT) I said yes. Today upon review I decided I did not want to be around the guy and told my wife I would rather not go. Oh boy. My wife freaked out on me saying how rude I was to back out like this and how she will not ever tell me things about our friends again if this is how I am going to act. I admit being wrong for not listening when I agreed to go. I also agree that in some cases backing out of a date at the last minute IS rude. However this is not exactly a formal occasion where I am expected to make a speech or anything. This is freaking drinks and dinner somewhere where I can wear jeans and a tee shirt!

Ok the truth?

I want to stay home and rehearse our new song.

Am I wrong?

JM
 
Go and build up some relationship with the neighbors. It will make life easier for everyone, and it may let the neighbors know there is someone next door that cares. I really do not like those situations either, but sometimes you have to do it.
 
FrontierGibberish said:
Am I wrong?
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"If a man says something in the forest and his wife is not there to hear it, is he still wrong?"

(saw it on a T-shirt)

I'd have to agree with your wife, you can't pullout that late. Given the sordid details of the young couple why not have a few drinks. pull aside the guy husband, tell him to man up to his parents, and protect his wife from abuse. That could be TWO good deeds for the day.
 
opentune said:
"If a man says something in the forest and his wife is not there to hear it, is he still wrong?"

(saw it on a T-shirt)

I'd have to agree with your wife, you can't pullout that late. Given the sordid details of the young couple why not have a few drinks. pull aside the guy husband, tell him to man up to his parents, and protect his wife from abuse. That could be TWO good deeds for the day.
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UGH I hate when someone else is more righter than me.... yeah I made up a word.

OpenTune - what if the song I want to rehearse instead has a 20 minute drum solo? Should I still go to dinner?
 
FrontierGibberish said:
UGH I hate when someone else is more righter than me.... yeah I made up a word.

OpenTune - what if the song I want to rehearse instead has a 20 minute drum solo? Should I still go to dinner?
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If the song has a 20 minute drum solo, you should rather cook and serve dinner, not just attend.

You are more wrong than Rolf Harris in the crowd at a Wiggles concert.
 
FrontierGibberish said:
OpenTune - what if the song I want to rehearse instead has a 20 minute drum solo? Should I still go to dinner?
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That is wrong from the get go. No song should have a 20 min drum solo.
Even more reason to go to dinner. You owe it to your 20-something friends (if they are friends) to set them straight.
 
FrontierGibberish said:
UGH I hate when someone else is more righter than me.... yeah I made up a word.

OpenTune - what if the song I want to rehearse instead has a 20 minute drum solo? Should I still go to dinner?
Click to expand...

Yes.

If your song has a 20 minute drum solo, you should probably never play it in public. Even drummers would get bored with that.
 
A serious answer: the young woman in question is nothing to you, she isn't a particular friend and she isn't family. However, you're aware that something is very wrong. You probably can't fix it, but you can definitely help her by showing some solidarity and support: it's extremely difficult not to cave in if you feel all alone. You can also probably do a lot of good simply by setting an example in the way that you treat your wife with obvious respect and consideration.

This one isn't about you, I'm afraid, it's about demonstrating compassion for another person who is being made to suffer.

You could always inflict the 20-minute drum solo on her husband and in-laws.

ETA: Can we please ditch the hoary old jokes about husbands always being wrong? I distinctly remember Mr Madge having been right on one occasion ;)
 
Magenta said:
A serious answer: the young woman in question is nothing to you, she isn't a particular friend and she isn't family. However, you're aware that something is very wrong. You probably can't fix it, but you can definitely help her by showing some solidarity and support: it's extremely difficult not to cave in if you feel all alone. You can also probably do a lot of good simply by setting an example in the way that you treat your wife with obvious respect and consideration.

This one isn't about you, I'm afraid, it's about demonstrating compassion for another person who is being made to suffer.

You could always inflict the 20-minute drum solo on her husband and in-laws.
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100% agree with this. Go & support someone who deserves some help, & dig yourself out of the crap with your wife. A no brainer IMO, & that fuzzy feeling you'll get from doing the right thing might just turn you off the 20 minute solo idea. That'll be 3 good things you've done that day! ;)
 
Dude you gotta go. Even though it is a good thought, I'd steer clear of trying to set anyone straight, that's not your business. From what I can tell, you only know one side of the story.
 
Pocket-full-of-gold said:
You're a 40-something married man, yeah? The real question should be, are you ever right?
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Spot on Jules.Look at it this way...If a man is alone in the middle of the woods,....and he says something,........and there isn't a woman around.................is he still wrong?

You already accepted,and IMHO,it would be wrong to leave your wife alone with these people.She needs you there,and so does your female friend.So either the two of you go,or nobody goes.You need to pay it foward .People need support,and give that husband (jerk) a lesson on how a real man treats his wife,as well as those other two mellon heads.

Steve B
 
The 20 minute drum solo was a joke. I can barely play a steady beat for 2 minutes much less a solo of any kind.

I went back to the Mrs. after initially reporting that I was not going and said I would go. She knew I did not want to go at that point and grudgingly let me off the hook. Of course I lost a lot of marriage points on the whole deal and can expect to be playing on my practice pad exclusively for a few days now... ...maybe my paradiddle combos will improve at least.

I was a dbag about the whole thing I admit.

Thanks for the real advise (Magenta and Co.) and the funny ones as well.

JM
 
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