Any drum kit can be made quieter, just put cloth on the heads and cymbals. I suggest that you look for a kit with 20 or 22 inch bass drum, because if you ever want to play un-dampened then the 20 or 22 inch bass drums may sound better.
This is a good time to buy used equipment. There don't...
I like the Roland TD-9 kit. But I think your ultimate goal should be to get an acoustic drum kit and cymbals. That could be years from now. For now, electronic drums would let you and your son practice without disturbing people.
For making recordings you might want to consider LMMS software...
People ask me for a set list, I send them whatever pic is on my phone. It's probably a picture of a paper with text on it. The singer will likely change it within a month anyway.
I remember once my mind went blank in the middle of a song - I couldn't remember what song I was playing, the time signature, or what I was supposed to do. Only lasted a second or two.
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