There is a musical concept called "playing ahead of the beat" or "playing behind the beat" but the tempo does not speed up or slow down. It is difficult to achieve with most bands because most musicians that I meet are not good. Most of the time I have to follow the guitar player or keyboard...
"Laptops, i.e.m.,click, triggers, samples pads, recording equipment" - that's a lot of stuff. Start with one thing and see if you can do something useful with that. It takes years to learn so much and the process never ends, because technology is changing.
Learn the names of some better cymbals, such as the Zildjian A Custom, or Paiste 2002. Check pawn shops, stores and craigslist ads. When good stuff appears, buy it. Good cymbals are a pleasure to play.
I have coordination problems also. I have good days and bad days. What helps me is to slow down, count everything out, and keep practicing. Practicing a groove before sleeping helps me learn the groove better.