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  #961  
Old 04-23-2013, 01:20 PM
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If the consciousness lives on after death, it is such a huge concept, we can't even comprehend it, even though most religions profess it...and we sort of consider it at a distance. Personally, I haven't been there, so I don't know...

But If there's no continuance of our consciousness, then so be it: those who've suffered in death are finished with their suffering, and we the living, go on, just like a deer in the forest whose partner was killed by a hunter, for example.

If there is life and a sustained consciousness, as the same personality, after a physical death, in some other frequency or state of being, then the suffering is probably a distant memory for the person? Again, just speculating. Either way, it's out of our control.

We see your pain here and sort of a cry for help. You know what they say about these things: "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change...". So perhaps one good thing is to consciously seek moments of serenity and offer them to your mother. I hope I'm not preaching at you- don't mean to be!

Mostly...Be Happy, for your Mum.
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  #962  
Old 04-23-2013, 01:27 PM
5678...procrastinate 5678...procrastinate is offline
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There is no soft approach to death when it's aggressive.
Violence to loved ones hurts so deeply.
So deeply, when the violence comes from within their own bodies.
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  #963  
Old 04-23-2013, 01:32 PM
5678...procrastinate 5678...procrastinate is offline
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Sorry.
I didn't want to end on a negative.
Sometimes, death can't come too soon.

Shit.
I did it again.
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  #964  
Old 04-23-2013, 10:10 PM
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Andy, I sympathize completely with your feelings, my father, and as a result, my entire family and his friends, are really grateful that leaving this world in dignity is allowed and legal in Switzerland, it has spared him and us the horror your Mum went through.

It is hard enough to loose those we love dearly, may the world change and let them go in dignity with no unnecessary suffering for themselves and their families.
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  #965  
Old 04-24-2013, 04:10 AM
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Originally Posted by keep it simple View Post
Sorry for burdening you on this fine drum forum, but my anger is fairly consuming at times.
Sorry to hear about your loss, Andy. Mums are near and dear to us. My mum just became homeless. I don't know what to do for her. I'm barely surviving myself, always one paycheck away from being homeless myself. She is staying with friends though.

My aunt passed away in '98 from melanoma cancer. Usual story...thought they got it all until it came back with a vengeance. Fast forward...in her dying days I came to visit. She had a stroke and was bed-ridden and couldn't talk anymore. But the most inhumane thing was that my uncle absolutely refused her any pain medication. No morphine or opiates or anything like that. She was in such pain that you could just see the horror of it all on her face. It was one of the most awful things I have ever seen and I don't talk to that bastard uncle of mine to this day.
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  #966  
Old 04-24-2013, 03:05 PM
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5678, downers are understandable when it comes to traumas, like what happened with Andy's mum and Bon's aunt. The more I think about the way Henri's dad passed away the more it seems such a shame that all dying old people don't have that option. A peaceful and kind way to go.

Still, the many reports of NDEs suggest that the actual moment of death - when the process of dying is just complete - is usually extremely pleasant and people often report an all-pervading sense of love. How "real" it is or not is maybe less important than the encouraging fact that many people appear to experience peace at the point of death.
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  #967  
Old 04-25-2013, 02:26 AM
5678...procrastinate 5678...procrastinate is offline
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I wrote this after my first wife died. It was a part of my trying to make sense of what had happened. She had peace, and she was gone. My 'hell' had just begun.

For Carol

I kiss your mouth
your breasts
your lips for the last time.

I give you breath you can't use
and so reclaim it
with the remnants of your last.

I leave the room
and return to find you haven't moved.

Lower the lids.
That's everything.

Love you to death.
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  #968  
Old 04-25-2013, 03:54 AM
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Originally Posted by 5678...procrastinate View Post
I wrote this after my first wife died. It was a part of my trying to make sense of what had happened. She had peace, and she was gone. My 'hell' had just begun.

For Carol

I kiss your mouth
your breasts
your lips for the last time.

I give you breath you can't use
and so reclaim it
with the remnants of your last.

I leave the room
and return to find you haven't moved.

Lower the lids.
That's everything.

Love you to death.
This is real sad too procrast.......sorry to hear it. And it's a haunting verse.
I think you ended on a negative again.
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  #969  
Old 04-25-2013, 04:08 AM
5678...procrastinate 5678...procrastinate is offline
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Yeah, I guess I did!
I remember after Carol's death people sent messages of condolence. I know they meant well.
But, I made a mental note never to say:
" Time heals all ". Yes it does. But as you can't 'give' someone time, it doesn't really help.
" God never gives you more than you can cope with ". That one just made me angry.

However, I also received a card from a good friend with just one word written in it: " courage ".

That I could hold onto.
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  #970  
Old 04-25-2013, 01:14 PM
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I feel I should also say that Carol died in 1989.
My family lifted me up.
When it came time to ' find my feet ', I travelled back to the place of my birth, New Zealand.
But, I found opportunity in Australia.

And fell in love. With the place. And my wife, Lisa.

We have three sons. And have been through all that throws up.
And are still together.

So yes, ' time heals all '.

But it takes time to realise it.

This is not just about me.
I'm offering empathy to Andy, Larry, Henri, and so many others who have suffered loss.

Peace comes.
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  #971  
Old 04-25-2013, 01:57 PM
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...

Ok, so Im on the cross-trainer, trying to watch the playoffs. This machine is the most boring place on earth, so the Lakers/Spurs dont hold my attention for long...

... I start to play rudiment games in my head to the tempo of my legs going up & down
on the machine.

I then start accenting some of the strokes in my head. As I do this I notice that the leg that is accenting the stroke is feeling the pain a little more than the other leg. Its not like I'm pushing anyharder with that leg- all Im doing is accenting it in my head.. and yet my leg is feeling it.

Whats going on???

I swear on my Sonor Clalssix snare drum I havent smoked anything for weeks now..


...
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  #972  
Old 04-25-2013, 04:24 PM
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Very touching and well-expressed poem, 5678. I'll have you know I didn't cry. Close though.

And while we're on the subject of changing the subject and lightening the atmosphere a tad I fell over earlier this week - was on slippery rocks walking the dog and my feet went completely from under me and the back of my head took full force on the rocks. Nice bit of concussion and whiplash.

So I'm there moaning and wailing for a bit and finally managed to look up. The dog's standing with a stick in her mouth wagging her tail, waiting for me to throw it.

So much for sympathy. Maybe a worried look? A consoling lick? Yeah right. No doubt, if I'd been killed by the fall she would have just eaten me. "Oh, poor mistress dead" chomp chomp
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  #973  
Old 04-25-2013, 06:34 PM
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Wow - this is a tough subject and one that hits close to home. My mother died about 7 years ago, after falling down the steps and severly damaging her head. For two months she was incapacitated in the hospital, couldn't communicate and didn't look anything like her original self after they performed major brain surgery on her. She eventually succumbed to an infection, ending a horrid experience for us and my dad. I know she suffered physically during this time, but she probalby suffered emotionally as well.

Last year my dad died in his sleep from a heart attack. For the previous two years, he had rapidly progressing issues with his lungs and was on oxygen. We knew eventually his other organs would give out due to lack of oxygen. As bad as it was, it ended in the best case scenario and it doesn't appear that he suffered very much.

It has now been almost a year since I was diagnosed with esophageal cancer. I didn't have much chance of surviving. Fortunately they discovered it before it spread to my lymph nodes. I underwent extensive and simultaneous chemotherapy and radiation treatments. Followed up by a major 6-hour operation to remove almost my entire esophogus. The initial biopsy indicated that all the cancer was removed and that the surrounding lymph nodes were cancer free. Next week I go back for my first follow up testing, which is a little nerve-wracking.

I have very strong faith, which has gotten me through all this. I'm not really afraid of the results of my dying, because I am confident I'm going to a much better place with no pain or sorrow. But the prospect of going through the dying process, especially if it is from cancer, does not thrill me.

I've seen people go through a very long and painful dying experience, and seen those that perish suddenly. And I've also seen people dying who lose their mental faculties and memory. I don't know which is worse. None of them are pleasant, but they are inevitable.

My prayers go out to all that are going through this experience or have had it happened to a love one. All we can do on this side is to help each other try and get through the process.
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  #974  
Old 04-26-2013, 12:52 AM
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Wow. That is tough news, INOG...your name is appropriate! But things sounds really good for you. I think a lot of drummers will be pulling real hard for you this week!
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  #975  
Old 04-26-2013, 01:16 AM
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I can only echo IWMM. That oesophageal cancer sounds harsh.

It's good so see you guys dealing with your trials with calm and poise. Easy to take for granted but many people don't.
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  #976  
Old 04-26-2013, 02:20 PM
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I believe the prevalence of cancer is a side effect of the Industrial Revolution. I grew up playing in the oil fields in old Huntington Beach back when it was nothing but oil fields and bean fields. I can just imagine all the toxic stuff I might have been exposed to. After 10 years of unimaginable pain and certainty of an eminent early demise, I was diagnosed with a benign brain tumor back when I was 27. It's right in the middle of my brain on the pituitary gland, and it was huge. Luckily, it was the one type of tumor that could be shrunken with medicine. Just a little white pill once per day was all that was needed to save my life. The tumor causes what is known as cluster headaches, otherwise known as suicide headaches. I did consider it a couple times. Usually the headaches would last a minute or two like the brain is on fire, then it went away. But there was three times when they didn't go away, they just kept coming over and over and over for five hours straight. That's why they are called suicide headaches. it's hard to describe a pain that renders suicide as the only option left. Well, somehow I didn't. I had a job and finally got healthcare after not having it for ten years. (i love this country to death) I got diagnosed finally.

Now I don't know if I'd call myself a cancer survivor, but it sure has shaped the course of my life for better or worse. It wasn't a malignant tumor, but still it was in my head and growing ever larger with more and more severe side effects increasing in intensity and duration.

I took that pill for 11 years. I lost my health insurance in 2008 again so I had to stop taking the medicine. So far I'm doing fine and there are no problems, so I guess the medicine worked. It shrank the tumor. All my cluster headaches went away. I hope it stays that way.

I don't need anybody's sympathy. Who ever said life is fair? There's a lot of pain out there. Misery creeps in if you let it. What's funny is that as bad as this pain was, the pain of a broken heart was just as bad. That's a wound that seems to last forever.
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  #977  
Old 04-27-2013, 05:21 PM
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This stuff is deep and affects us all in some degree. Why do some carry a great deal of pain or grief and others not so much--that's a question for the ages...and one mostly asked by the ones suffering more than others. So we send out prayers and best wishes to you today with lots of love-from an extended family of people who have a common bond: we like to pound on things.

I'll add a random thought just for thread's sake.

Is winter definitely over when you see a crackhead returning his space heater to the pawn shop?
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  #978  
Old 04-27-2013, 06:30 PM
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Either that or he no longer needs the heat as much as he needs the drug.
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  #979  
Old 04-28-2013, 12:19 PM
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I watch for the first time a film from the Twilight Saga last night, oh man I was bored... I don't what the fuss about it... the only good thing in that film is Ashley Greene :)
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  #980  
Old 04-29-2013, 01:56 AM
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I watch for the first time a film from the Twilight Saga last night, oh man I was bored... I don't what the fuss about it... the only good thing in that film is Ashley Greene :)
I stay far, far away from that stuff.....
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  #981  
Old 04-29-2013, 03:20 AM
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An old lady gets arrested for shop lifting a can of peaches.

She goes before the judge. The judge asks her, "How many peaches were in the can you stole, Mrs. Jones?"

"Seven, your honor," answers Mrs. Jones.

The judge says, "Then I will sentence you to seven days in jail, one day for each peach in the can."

At that point the lady's husband, Mr. Jones, rises to speak.

"Your honor," he says, "I happen to know that she also stole a can of peas."
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  #982  
Old 04-29-2013, 06:36 AM
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An old lady gets arrested for shop lifting a can of peaches.

She goes before the judge. The judge asks her, "How many peaches were in the can you stole, Mrs. Jones?"

"Seven, your honor," answers Mrs. Jones.

The judge says, "Then I will sentence you to seven days in jail, one day for each peach in the can."

At that point the lady's husband, Mr. Jones, rises to speak.

"Your honor," he says, "I happen to know that she also stole a can of peas."
Sorry J :) http://www.drummerworld.com/forums/s...d.php?t=106246
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  #983  
Old 04-29-2013, 09:26 AM
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Trying to, you know, aw well...
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  #984  
Old 04-29-2013, 02:12 PM
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reminds me of that song Give Peas a Chance
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  #985  
Old 04-30-2013, 08:55 PM
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How to tell you're getting up there in years:

You find out the drum chair in a great gig is opening up, and instead of jumping on it, you call other people and tell them to jump on it instead.

LOL
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  #986  
Old 05-01-2013, 04:09 AM
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Why is it that when we see someone is a little down we tell them, "Just be glad you are alive" and then when someone dies we always say, "they are in a better place "
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Old 05-01-2013, 04:25 AM
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Why is it that when we see someone is a little down we tell them, "Just be glad you are alive" and then when someone dies we always say, "they are in a better place "
Why do we park on a driveway and drive on a parkway?

Why is stuff on a ship called cargo, and stuff on a delivery truck called a shipment?
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Old 05-01-2013, 05:09 AM
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What a good night for Tim Hudson. I don't see how it could be any better.

Go Braves.
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Old 05-01-2013, 05:54 AM
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Listening to Modest Mouse is fun.
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Old 05-01-2013, 05:58 AM
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Why is it that when we see someone is a little down we tell them, "Just be glad you are alive" and then when someone dies we always say, "they are in a better place "
It's all empty nonsense. Mortality is something that we all struggle with in one way or another. It's uncomfortable and we don't want to really think about it. Instead, people regurgitate statements such as you mention, often more as a means to make themselves feel better than the affected party.
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Old 05-01-2013, 08:49 AM
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It's all empty nonsense. Mortality is something that we all struggle with in one way or another. It's uncomfortable and we don't want to really think about it. Instead, people regurgitate statements such as you mention, often more as a means to make themselves feel better than the affected party.
Speaking as a sinful heathen, I disagree with you, young Watsisface.

Firstly, "be grateful you are alive" - if we're not undergoing those brutal periods life can serve up we should all be grateful, given that we spent 13.8 billion years not being alive and the lights have briefly been turned on for you before "lights out time" returns in a cosmic blink of an eye. The main beneficiary of any gratitude you feel is yourself so counting your blessings strikes me as a good idea.

Secondly, if someone is in horrible pain or reduced to an undignified shadow of themselves, then any place - including nowhere at all - has to be better.

Next question ... :)
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Old 05-01-2013, 10:12 AM
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Damn you're good !
But then again..............you're in cockroach persona now................

And we all know who inherits the earth !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!

[ The !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! stand for the ones you can't see ! ]
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Old 05-01-2013, 11:21 AM
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It's all empty nonsense. Mortality is something that we all struggle with in one way or another. It's uncomfortable and we don't want to really think about it. Instead, people regurgitate statements such as you mention, often more as a means to make themselves feel better than the affected party.
I, for one, have spent a long time thinking about what it's like not to be alive and weighing up the pros and cons!
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Old 05-01-2013, 11:25 AM
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.............and weighing up the pros and cons!
Pros: No bills.

Cons: No beer.

Beer trumps bills, so alive it is.
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Old 05-01-2013, 06:11 PM
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Speaking as a sinful heathen, I disagree with you, young Watsisface.

Firstly, "be grateful you are alive" - if we're not undergoing those brutal periods life can serve up we should all be grateful, given that we spent 13.8 billion years not being alive and the lights have briefly been turned on for you before "lights out time" returns in a cosmic blink of an eye. The main beneficiary of any gratitude you feel is yourself so counting your blessings strikes me as a good idea.

Secondly, if someone is in horrible pain or reduced to an undignified shadow of themselves, then any place - including nowhere at all - has to be better.

Next question ... :)
I've never been in that situation thankfully, but if I were terminally ill, or really depressed, the last thing I would want to hear is one of those empty statements for the hundredth time. It's almost reflexive, not really a thought or original sentiment. I can say for sure I hate being "consoled" with the old "they're in a better place now", after someone close to me passes.

But then, I'm a crotchety bastard.
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Old 05-01-2013, 06:23 PM
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I have to agree with Watso...And with ALP.

I think they're very empty, thoughtless words. If someone needs consoling, and you are truly truly wanting to help them through a hard time, make some sacrifices and spend time with them....Affect a positive change in their attitude instead of attempting to use words to force them into a better state of being.

However, I think that every waking second is a gift, and if more of us were thankful for it, and more often, we'd be a better species as a whole.

In my most humble opinion, I dislike devices that (as opposed to helping keep someone healthy and alive) actually perpetuate someone's (non)existence, and feel that any attempts to assist them with the pain and suffering of dying is not only a good thing, but the right thing to do.
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Old 05-01-2013, 09:26 PM
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It's 80 degrees and sunny, but I've been dealing with a problem with my auto insurance company that has me on the verge of committing mass homicide.

I promise to write from prison if they grant me occasional internet privileges.
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Old 05-01-2013, 10:12 PM
tamadrm tamadrm is offline
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Default Re: Random Thoughts

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Originally Posted by 8Mile View Post
It's 80 degrees and sunny, but I've been dealing with a problem with my auto insurance company that has me on the verge of committing mass homicide.

I promise to write from prison if they grant me occasional internet privileges.
Don't feel too bad.There are STILL people here on Staten Island who are dealing with their insurance companys who's homes were damaged or destroyed by Hurricane Sandy in October.,The're living in tents,houses still without power,shelters or on other peoples sofa's.

But I still sympathize.

What do you call an insurance company executive at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start..........stay strong brother.:)

Steve B
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Old 05-01-2013, 10:49 PM
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larryz larryz is offline
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Default Re: Random Thoughts

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Originally Posted by Pocket-full-of-gold View Post
Pros: No bills.

Cons: No beer.

Beer trumps bills, so alive it is.
Sooo, is Foster's really Australian for "beer"?

Isn't that how the commerical goes?
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Old 05-02-2013, 12:43 AM
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8Mile 8Mile is online now
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Default Re: Random Thoughts

I'm just a Yank, but even I can tell you that nobody in Australia drinks Fosters.
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