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  #1  
Old 10-13-2017, 09:54 AM
Abhishek_K Abhishek_K is offline
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Default How to deal with getting kicked out of a band

Hey there folks,

Feeling a bit disheartened and would appreciate some guidance from the wise folks here. I'm 25 and started learning how to play about 10 years back. Like many folks, college and work took over and I got completely out of the scene.

A few months back, I made it a goal to get back into playing. I bought an expensive e-kit, got a drum teacher and started playing regularly. I also started networking a bit on local FB musician groups.

I somehow lucked out as I soon found people of a decent level who were looking for a drummer for a particular date. It was really intense as we had 3 weeks to do 16 songs. I learned about 12 songs in the space of a week and had 2 jam sessions with them. Honestly, the sessions didn't go well. We didn't sound tight and they gave me feedback on that. The 2nd session was much better than the 1st.

Well, the show got cancelled and I just found out that they want to try out some other drummers since they have more time for their next show. I'm pretty much taking it as them kicking me out. The specific feedback they gave was that the timing was fluctuating a bit.

Honestly, I'm grateful that I got a chance to play with people of a certain quality and the feedback has been great. But a part of me also feels quite disheartened. Playing drums at even a semi-professional level is a DREAM for me. I love it. But after making big investments of time and money to get back into it, I feel sad that I've been rejected at the first instance. It makes me feel whether it's even worth getting back into it and I should stick with what I do (which I'm quite good at). I live in Mumbai, so the music scene is also quite small. I feel that after this rejection, I won't be able to find others 'cos of word-of-mouth.

Anyone share any experience of getting kicked out of a band due to skill issues? How do you bounce back? How do you keep your credibility intact?

Thank you, would appreciate support at a difficult time :)
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  #2  
Old 10-13-2017, 10:44 AM
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Default Re: How to deal with getting kicked out of a band

Dude don't beat yourself up.

We've all been there. If you haven't then you've either been really lucky or never left your bedroom.

There's a few reasons why faces don't fit in bands and musical ability is rarely the main reason. There's bassists and singers in the band for a start!

In my experience it's down to egos in the band and someone being really up their own arse. I'll add one of my own experiences. I joined a signed indie band who were on the same label as Deep Purple. They'd just done their first album (with programmed drums) and were struggling to get a drummer to do the album launch. A mate recommended me and I learnt the whole album in an afternoon. (it's indie, the only genre where you need a big ego to make up for the astounding lack of playing ability) Did the album launch and then all these band meetings started which were basically lets pick on the drummer. (sad cello music time) After the second band meeting I walked out, I was gigging twice a week doing covers getting paid, they never found a replacement. The ad they put out to replace me was a cheeky dig at me but I guess drummers saw it and read between the lines and they split.

A lot of bands think they're gods gift and presume you're desperate for the gig. Don't give em that ego trip.

I know I'm not alone in crappy experiences like that so believe me it's nothing new.

If you're working, 16 songs in 3 weeks to get tight is a big ask for any drummer, there's tight practicing and gig tight. As I said in a previous thread you put up these guys sound like they're picking on the new guy. I've a feeling they get through a lot of drummers without looking in the mirror.
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  #3  
Old 10-13-2017, 10:48 AM
Woolwich Woolwich is offline
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Default Re: How to deal with getting kicked out of a band

The closest I've had is one rehearsal/jam where the guitarist said I was racing. I was, after 10 years playing poppy punk versions of songs our style had become a race to the finish. I recognised the fact, bought the Live BPM app for my phone and worked to that instead. A few years later and now it's me telling the guitarists in my band that they're racing, the worm has turned :-)
Don't worry about word of mouth, just keep trying and keep it cool, you'll be fine.
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  #4  
Old 10-13-2017, 11:26 AM
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Default Re: How to deal with getting kicked out of a band

Well I can tell you as somebody that has worked professionally as a drummer for the past five or six years, rejection is simply an occupational hazard. It doesn't matter how good you are, how hard you work, or whatever else, sometimes you just won't be a right fit for whatever project it is. Don't be disheartened. Take it as a learning experience and add it to your ever growing list of valuable experiences.

As for timing, just keep working. It will improve as your confidence improves, and that will boost your whole playing. Stick with it, keep working, and allow setbacks. They happen to us all.

EDIT: You asked for our experiences. One that springs to mind, is I was asked out of the blue to do some theatre work. I had never done it before, but agreed. I ended up sight reading the conductors score and essentially improvising the whole set, based on some very flimsy instructions (2 feel, upbeat, swing). I did maybe three shows with them once or twice a year, then suddenly I stopped hearing from them. I know a dedicated theatrical percussionist came in, and a I had to dep out one of the gigs to a more experienced drummer, and I simply didn't hear from them again. I assume they carried on with the percussionist or more experienced guy. That's life. I don't hold it against them, they have to go with the best fit. I learned from it, and have the experience and the confidence now to accept future theatre work, because I know I can do it.
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Old 10-13-2017, 12:18 PM
mikel mikel is offline
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Default Re: How to deal with getting kicked out of a band

Its music. People don't even need a logical or musical reason for sacking a musician, and musicians don't always have a logical reason for walking out.

Ability, playing style, genre, volume, friendship, and simply being a good fit all come into it. If you are new to this band they also probably have no emotional attachment to you, If the gig had gone ahead then who knows.

As they say, they now have time to take a good look at options. Stay in touch, keep practicing the set, be friendly, let them know you are still working on the songs, and make sure you are at least one of the options.
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  #6  
Old 10-13-2017, 12:27 PM
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iCe iCe is offline
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Default Re: How to deal with getting kicked out of a band

I never got kicked out, but...

Similar story. When i went to study, drumming and playing in bands was put on a low priority for me. At one point i even sold all my cymbals, but i digress. After i graduated in 2011 i got a new set of cymbals (Zildjian) and started searching for a new band. I found a bass player and guitar player that wanted to do some Dream Theater and Rush related stuff. I played progressive stuff before and thought that i could do it again, but after the first session i realized how 'rusty' my playing had become. My timing was also far from perfect, but they took the time and had faith that i would become better (keep in mind that we didn't do it for the gigging). But it was a hard lesson that my timing and playing was lacking, but i put effort in it.

Fast forward to roughly half a year back; i know feel that I've surpassed my skills before my 'hiatus' from drumming. Also i'm more comfortable playing and keeping time, but being human it's unavoidable that in the heat of the moment i might speed up or slow down 1 - 3 bpm, but hardly noticeable.

What really helped me was when i'm not playing the hi-hat with my hands, is to play it with my foot. I experienced that when i keep time with my foot playing the hi-hat, my timing is way more stable; especially during fills. Took some time to get used to it, but now it's a second nature to feel that quarter or eight note pulse when my hands do other stuff.

And an open door; metronome and record yourself playing. Nothing is more confronting to hear yourself back and hearing speeding up/slowing down. That helps me to understand which parts in songs need extra attention. At home i now have a practice set with Remo mesh heads and Zildjian L80 muted cymbals, so i practice beats with a metronome and that is a great help to keep a solid beat!

EDIT: being in a band where you feel at home makes all difference. If you're not happy and can't get along with your bandmates, pull the plug. I did that 2 times before and have no regrets. It lead to so much nicer experiences :)
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  #7  
Old 10-13-2017, 01:27 PM
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Odd-Arne Oseberg Odd-Arne Oseberg is offline
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Default Re: How to deal with getting kicked out of a band

Things are case by case.

It was always hard to get qualified people at auditions, but once in my bands have always tried to keep someone. It has often been a social thing.

Bands are different. Regardsless of what this was you got a taste of what other musicians want and how much they understand about your job. That's why us drummers should stick together.

You can only be yourself(of course keep eventual extreme ideologies private), be friendly, professional and do your best.

Those that are really busy had a period and where they both perserbered and had a bit of luck. Most likely tey got one big thing right and that grew into a bigger network from there. Even the big freelancers have their group, their friends, their environment. Most of their other stuff is offspring from that.

I think everything is possible, but from he time you move to a new place and start from scratch, you might get luvky, but might also take 5-10 years to build a reputation. Depends on the place. If you reresent something unique that people want it will be quicker.
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  #8  
Old 10-13-2017, 01:55 PM
AndeeT AndeeT is offline
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Default Re: How to deal with getting kicked out of a band

Keep at it mate, please don't let it discourage you. We all get let down hard in life at some point, wether its a job interview or a relationship or a gig.

The only positive way to move forward is (first of all) suck up your chest and tell yourself you were too good for them :-) and second to take their criticism as gold dust and capitalise on that. It will make you a stronger drummer in the long term.

I remember not getting a gig from an audition that I did and thought went great. In retrospect I could see where I went wrong and I am more prepared for the future.

Good luck.
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  #9  
Old 10-13-2017, 03:25 PM
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Default Re: How to deal with getting kicked out of a band

Don't worry about credibility. It won't be like a job interview, where the next band asks what happened at your previous band. They typically don't care. You don't even have to bring it up.

I got kicked out of more than a few bands, and also did the kicking out. A few rather interesting moments come to mind.

One was this ego-maniac who I had auditioned for. I decided that I wanted to quit after a few weejs, so I called him to quit. He acted like he did not want me to quit, and talked about how "a band is like dating a woman; you've got to give it some time," and all that nonsense. Then, maybe 2 hours later, he calls me up to say it's not working out, and he kicked me out.

His ego couldn't take me quitting. Had a similar experience with a drum forum I quit over 10 years ago, where the founder begged me to stay, and then chewed me out for nothing before kicking me out in front of everyone. That was upsetting, since I was a paying member.

In both of these very similar situations, you have to go with your gut, and do not go back. If you kick yourself out, don't go back, because the only reason they want you to go back is so they can enjoy the kicking themselves. You'll have to learn how to deal with ego-maniacs.

But the weirdest one was when this A&R guy wanted to sign my band. We're in his office, and he keeps talking about how his nephew really loves the band. Long story short, he says that he'll sign the band, but ONLY if his nephew can be the drummer.

I told the band that if they believe he won't screw them like he was screwing me, then they could stay. But if they cared about the band, then they could walk out with me.

I walked out alone. My story is sad, but theirs got dark rather quickly. I was the only one who got the good end of the deal.

HOW DID I DEAL WITH THESE?

I dealt with them all the same way. Step one was to have a drink and call it a day. By the next day, I could more easily put emotions aside, which allowed me to really think about it.

Did I do something wrong? If so, then what? Is there something I can fix? If so, then how can I fix that?

What you do is be productive about it. Make a plan. In these situations, it was the egos and stupidity of others. I've also been booted for time fluctuation, gaining weight, and other reasonable or stupid reasons.

So, if your time is fluctuating, then that is where you put your focus. If you're upset about getting the boot, then take a little time off. That's okay. I have days where I don't touch an instrument. It's fine.

Set a return date on your calendar, and then take a little time off. Go back early if you want. There are no real rules, except to take care of you, and take care of your drumming.

Who knows, they might see you kicking ass in the near future. How cool would that be?

Mumbai has a population of 18.4 million. I'm in Los Angeles, where we have almost 4 million. Indeed, the music scene is relatively small, and it seems that everybody knows everybody. It's not impossible.

There is ONE thing equally important to building strength in your time, if not more important. That is, building the confidence that you have your time in order. As you work, note your improvements and accomplishments. Wear them like badges. When you go out to audition again, you'll have that confidence, and it will show in how you perform and how you carry yourself.

You can do it!

Best of luck.
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  #10  
Old 10-13-2017, 03:27 PM
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Erberderber Erberderber is offline
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Default Re: How to deal with getting kicked out of a band

Please don't get disheartened. For 99.9% of us, it's never an easy ride. Very often it comes down more to tastes and preferences than ability.

Last year I didn't get chosen to be in a band after I'd auditioned and my drumming was described as "slapdash". They wanted someone like Questlove. Literally days later, I got accepted into an alternative rock band. They liked my adaptability, creativity and energy. If a groover like Questlove had auditioned for the alt rock band, he/she probably wouldn't have been seen as suitable.

The point is that that I wasn't appreciated in one circle, but valued in another. As some have already mentioned in their replies, it's about "the fit".

One band's trash is another band's treasure.
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Old 10-13-2017, 03:32 PM
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Default Re: How to deal with getting kicked out of a band

Realize that what you're talking about....getting sacked....determined people use that negative energy to kick themselves in the ass and better themselves. Nothing stings worse than someone saying , yea we don't want you. Use it as fuel to better yourself. You are being tested by the universe. Move forward undeterred, but correct the problems that got you canned.
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Old 10-13-2017, 05:33 PM
KamaK KamaK is offline
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Default Re: How to deal with getting kicked out of a band

Failure begets wisdom.
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  #13  
Old 10-13-2017, 05:47 PM
Mozart1220 Mozart1220 is offline
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Default Re: How to deal with getting kicked out of a band

Any of you feeling abused by being kicked out of a band should talk to a guy named Pete Best.

My problem has never been being kicked out. MY Problem here in Cedar Rapids is the "Fad " of female lead singers. Don't get me wrong, there are some GREAT singers out there, but is it REQUIRED? I can sing and play at the same time just fine.(guitars or bass, not drums) At the level we get paid there is no place for someone who doesn't play an instrument, plus, I want to sing about 1/3 of the set, so what does the lead singer do then? Also whit a female singing lead, the band becomes ABOUT that. No thanks.

THe point is, EVERY band I join or even a couple I have formed myself find a way to get to, "I know this chick..."

Because of THAT , and the fact that the Cedar Rapids audience only allows about 50 rock songs to be played (Mostly Skynard and ZZ Top) I have "retired" from playing live. This town just sucked all the fun out of it.

Oh and the last band I joined treated me like an employee, even though the drummer was in my previous band and BEGGED me to come play bass (They had been through several before even trying to play out) so I told them that if I was not allowed to have any input I wanted $25 a night to rehearse and $100 minimum per night to perform. I quit the next day and haven't spoken to that Drummer since. Pity, since he was a great guy who helped me get MY drums in order.
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Old 10-13-2017, 07:32 PM
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V-Four V-Four is offline
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Default Re: How to deal with getting kicked out of a band

Quote:
Originally Posted by Abhishek_K View Post



..... Like many folks, college and work took over and I got completely out of the scene.



A few months back, I made it a goal to get back into playing. ...



... It was really intense as we had 3 weeks to do 16 songs. I learned about 12 songs in the space of a week and had 2 jam sessions with them.


I would say (based on what you stated above), that maybe you rushed into the gig here.
I understand that you played before, but maybe you need a few more months to get the feel back (assuming you had it before that is). ;)


As others said above, don't beat yourself up about it. Yea, just being "fired" sucks on the face of it. But it sounds to me like you should give it more time before you "throw your sH!t in the river" (as the saying goes).

Spend some time practicing and try again.

Good luck.

T
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Old 10-13-2017, 08:39 PM
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Default Re: How to deal with getting kicked out of a band

I joined up with a bunch of guys and things seemed to be going well.All of sudden, they told me that everyone was too busy to keep the band going since job and family commitments were too much. I decided to look in the local online ad site for a new bunch and saw an ad that looked eerily similar to the one I had answered when I joined the aforementioned group of players. I contacted the guy and, sure enough, I had been sacked but they didn't want to hurt my feelings. They said that my playing was solid but they wanted me to take more charge of things. Of course, they never told me that to my face which might have solved the problem (I was deliberately keeping quiet since I was the new guy and didn't want to come off too pushy.) The point is, I was disheartened at first when I saw the new ad and it became pretty clear I had been dropped but contacting the guy gave me some input as to the "why". As a relatively new drummer, I really wanted the feedback. Yes, it would have been nice to get it before they decided to move on but at least I learned from it. Get the feedback as to why you were dropped and use it to learn and improve. It's all part of the path.
When I told my friend who is a pro musician that I got fired by my band he exclaimed, "Hey! Now you're a real drummer."
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Old 10-13-2017, 09:03 PM
KamaK KamaK is offline
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Default Re: How to deal with getting kicked out of a band

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Originally Posted by jdsg View Post
I joined up with a bunch of guys and things seemed to be going well.All of sudden, they told me that everyone was too busy to keep the band going since job and family commitments were too much. I decided to look in the local online ad site for a new bunch and saw an ad that looked eerily similar to the one I had answered when I joined the aforementioned group of players. I contacted the guy and, sure enough, I had been sacked
A long time ago, we saw a band take the stage and KILL IT with their first song. Great performing, great energy, dead-on-real-deal. Then the singer goes into the between-song audience banter....

"Did you guys know we have a poet in our group? Let me read you a sampling of his work". He pulls a wrinkled sheet of news-paper out of his pocket and begins reading. "Rock band with major label interest seeks experienced frontman slash vocalist...." He goes on to read the whole thing and the drummer is obviously in a state of red-faced-crisis. "If interested, call Doug at (xxx)-xxx-xxx!"

The singer then dropped the mic and walked out the door. It was a beautiful moment.
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Old 10-13-2017, 09:17 PM
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Default Re: How to deal with getting kicked out of a band

Well, that's one way to communicate.
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  #18  
Old 10-13-2017, 09:30 PM
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Default Re: How to deal with getting kicked out of a band

I've been gigging for 25 odd years, and then took a 5 year break. Getting back into it, I spent a year of doing auditions and never finding a good fit. Sometimes I was the problem and I went home and worked on my problems. Sometimes its them. If you are going to be a musician in bands, you are going to run into divas and jerks and egomaniacs. It's part of the scene. You have to grow a thick skin.

I went to one audition in an old warehouse. When I got there, they decided to run through the whole setlist. No warning. At the end they tell me they are going to keep looking. I talk to some of my music buddies, and they'd been out to audition too. Same result. Some of those are some great drummers.
A year goes by and I get an email from them. THey are still looking, and would I like to come back for a second try. I told them to go pound rocks. lol

Being in bands is great, except for all the musicians in them. lol
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Old 10-13-2017, 09:43 PM
Dj magic d Dj magic d is offline
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Default Re: How to deal with getting kicked out of a band

I'm sure sooner or later they will call you and ask you to work with them again in some capacity. Even if its after the individual musicians go off and create their own projects. Take it stride and try NOT to burn bridges. After 15 years of live gigging, I'm still amazed at where other musicians wind up. If you live in an area where the scene is small, its almost a sure thing.
I was kicked out of project many years ago(when I started)...with no explanation. As it turns out, it had nothing to do with my playing but the rest of the group wanting their childhood friend to be in the band instead. At the time I didn't know it, and was somewhat annoyed. However, almost immediately I went on become a member of a far more successful band....a 'silver lining' if you will. It was hard for me to dwell on it because I was out gigging, making $$ and having fun in my new band!
If you show up on time, are reliable, clear headed, responsible, know the material and are easy to get along with, you will almost always have a gig. Let everyone else weed themselves out, and you will gain a reputation as the "go to" guy. Its not always about your raw technical ability. Just my humble $0.02
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Old 10-13-2017, 10:10 PM
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Default Re: How to deal with getting kicked out of a band

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Originally Posted by Dj magic d View Post
I'm sure sooner or later they will call you and ask you to work with them again in some capacity. Even if its after the individual musicians go off and create their own projects. Take it stride and try NOT to burn bridges. After 15 years of live gigging, I'm still amazed at where other musicians wind up. If you live in an area where the scene is small, its almost a sure thing.
I was kicked out of project many years ago(when I started)...with no explanation. As it turns out, it had nothing to do with my playing but the rest of the group wanting their childhood friend to be in the band instead. At the time I didn't know it, and was somewhat annoyed. However, almost immediately I went on become a member of a far more successful band....a 'silver lining' if you will. It was hard for me to dwell on it because I was out gigging, making $$ and having fun in my new band!
If you show up on time, are reliable, clear headed, responsible, know the material and are easy to get along with, you will almost always have a gig. Let everyone else weed themselves out, and you will gain a reputation as the "go to" guy. Its not always about your raw technical ability. Just my humble $0.02
everything mentioned is 100% true in my experience too.
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Old 10-13-2017, 10:12 PM
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Default Re: How to deal with getting kicked out of a band

I have failed miserably at a couple of early auditions. I have also succeeded tremendously at others after that.

I have been shot down by scores of beautiful women in my life but have also succeeded with a surprising number.

Use the experience as motivation and work on playing tight. It's generally just a matter of practice and experience.

And don't give ANY thought to the word of mouth thing. That is called not accepting responsibility. DO the work and you will succeed.
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  #22  
Old 10-13-2017, 11:08 PM
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Living Dead Drummer Living Dead Drummer is offline
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Default Re: How to deal with getting kicked out of a band

Even experienced professionals get fired or replaced. It's a part of the job.

If the feedback was specific about your timing, I suggest spending more time working on that to insure that it doesn't become a repeat issue.
Play to a metronome and practice your ass off all the time.

If this band has a professional attitude they won't go around telling people you sucked. They may say "we tried other guys that didn't work out" but hopefully they will be decent enough not to use your name.
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  #23  
Old 10-13-2017, 11:45 PM
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Default Re: How to deal with getting kicked out of a band

you learn more from failure than success, typically. let it make you hungry. take their criticism at face value. is your time as good as you think it is? you'll be fine. and DON'T compare yourself to other drummers. i'm notorious for that, and it is a recipe for depression and failure. onward and upward!!
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Old 10-13-2017, 11:49 PM
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Default Re: How to deal with getting kicked out of a band

Quote:
Originally Posted by KamaK View Post
A long time ago, we saw a band take the stage and KILL IT with their first song. Great performing, great energy, dead-on-real-deal. Then the singer goes into the between-song audience banter....

"Did you guys know we have a poet in our group? Let me read you a sampling of his work". He pulls a wrinkled sheet of news-paper out of his pocket and begins reading. "Rock band with major label interest seeks experienced frontman slash vocalist...." He goes on to read the whole thing and the drummer is obviously in a state of red-faced-crisis. "If interested, call Doug at (xxx)-xxx-xxx!"

The singer then dropped the mic and walked out the door. It was a beautiful moment.
my god, man!! THAT is an awesome story!!!! :D
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  #25  
Old 10-14-2017, 12:21 AM
Mozart1220 Mozart1220 is offline
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Default Re: How to deal with getting kicked out of a band

When I lived in Ogden UT I started a band with a friend and a drummer he knew. I played rhythm guitar, sang half the songs, and was pretty much the "leader" of the thing.

Cut ahead three years, the bass player (my friend) and the drummer decided our original soundman had to go, and sadly they had a point. Our PA had outgrown his ability to operate it, and the drummer knew a "professional".

So "My guy" was out (They made ME can him and he didn't speak to me for a year)

I played direct through the PA via a processor, and before I knew it, I could not hear myself in the monitors. Every time I asked for more of me in MY monitor, the bass player said "Hey, he's too loud now" and I was again gone.

The sound guy also NEVER played any of the music I selected during breaks, per instructions from "my friend" the bassist. (he said he was only joking but my choices were still never played)

When it came time for me to leave the band move home to Iowa we had 3 more gigs to play, and I wanted to set up my gear and record the audio so I'd have a good live recording. The bassist said "no time for that".

I was given a "Board mix" CD that the sound guy made (my version would have included ambient mics), and when I listened neither my guitar or my vocals were on it. Even my lead vocals (down to about 8 songs) were so far down in the mix they were barely audible. My guitar was GONE. Remember, I'm playing DIRECTLY through the PA.

So I was there as a "mascot", not kicked out of my own band, but rendered irrelevant.

They could not figure out why I was upset.
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  #26  
Old 10-14-2017, 02:12 AM
williamsbclontz williamsbclontz is offline
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Default Re: How to deal with getting kicked out of a band

Everyone who's replied had great input about this. As stated before, a lot bands have an ego problem. If they think they are better without you then they aren't worth playing with. Music should be about having fun anyway, I used to be in a few bands but now I'm in a band with only my close friends and I'm much happier. Just keep your head up man it'll all work itself out
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  #27  
Old 10-14-2017, 05:39 PM
mikel mikel is offline
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Default Re: How to deal with getting kicked out of a band

Chin up, its got nothing to do with success or failure, its music. Sometimes you just don't "Fit". With only two rehearsals it was still an audition. So you were not the right drummer for this band, so what? Move on and find a band you are right for. Don't take it personally.
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  #28  
Old 10-14-2017, 08:21 PM
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opentune opentune is offline
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Default Re: How to deal with getting kicked out of a band

Quote:
Originally Posted by williamsbclontz View Post
As stated before, a lot bands have an ego problem. If they think they are better without you then they aren't worth playing with.
But at the same time a drummer has to check his/her ego - to recognize that a band might actually be better without him/her because either he doesn't suit that band, or he isn't up to snuff. It doesn't have to mean they aren't worth playing with.
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Last edited by opentune; 10-14-2017 at 08:37 PM.
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Old 10-14-2017, 10:26 PM
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Default Re: How to deal with getting kicked out of a band

I've been given the boot from 3 bands. Two as a drummer (church gigs) and one as a keyboard player back in the 70's. It's a real gut punch but you just have to shake it off and keep on going and work to get better.

Dennis
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  #30  
Old 10-14-2017, 10:55 PM
Push pull stroke Push pull stroke is offline
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Default Re: How to deal with getting kicked out of a band

I got kicked out of a band after 2 rehearsals. That was over a year ago. I still don't think they have a drummer. The guitar player is kind of a jerk.
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  #31  
Old 10-15-2017, 12:54 AM
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drumming sort of person drumming sort of person is offline
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Default Re: How to deal with getting kicked out of a band

If you can't handle rejection, then definitely give up right now. Otherwise, use it as an experience to learn from. Play long enough and with enough people and you WILL experience rejection. That's the fact Jack.
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  #32  
Old 10-15-2017, 01:18 AM
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PorkPieGuy PorkPieGuy is offline
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Default Re: How to deal with getting kicked out of a band

It's MUCH better that they let you go as opposed to letting you stay and none of them wanting you there.

I've been doing music for over 20 years now, and I swear so much about playing in a band has less to do with ability as it does being a "good fit."

Keep your head down, keep practicing, and move along. After the bite of their remarks is gone, try to figure if there's any legitimacy to their remarks, then take it or leave it.

Best of luck!
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Old 10-15-2017, 04:33 PM
beyondbetrayal beyondbetrayal is offline
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Default Re: How to deal with getting kicked out of a band

It's like going for a job interview and not being the right fit, someone being more qualified, or whatever reason you don't get hired. It still sucks, but don't feel down.

Keep practicing, keep taking lessons. I have not seen you play so I don't know your abilities but after 20 years of playing I am still improving all the time. The best way to get better and blow peoples minds is put in the time. I spend almost an hour a day on the pad if I can and about an hour behind the kit. I can see progress week after week after all these years.

You can also use this as motivation and a learning experience. You said the jams didn't go perfect. Why? Was it them? Was it you? Use this to fix it. You can pinpoint the issues. It could be your playing, timekeeping etc. If you just didn't' know the songs I wouldn't beat myself up. the other two can be fixed with practice.

Your best bet is to try and join another band. Playing with other musicians is a skill in it's own and you can only get better at it by doing it.
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  #34  
Old 10-15-2017, 04:48 PM
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larryace larryace is offline
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Default Re: How to deal with getting kicked out of a band

IMO, the best way to deal with this is to get so good, that they kick themselves in the future for canning you. Make them regret it with your playing. You can look at this whole thing as a wake up call.
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  #35  
Old 10-15-2017, 05:49 PM
Abhishek_K Abhishek_K is offline
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Default Re: How to deal with getting kicked out of a band

Wow guys. Overwhelmed by the generous support shown here. Thank you so much! All of you have had valid points to say.

I've had the weekend to reflect on this and read through the comments here. Overall, I think this gig was a bit too early for me. I've only just started practicing regularly 2 months back. I've never played in a jazz/funk setup before and I've never had to learn so many songs in such a short time. All this made it a pretty stressful experience for me, with a very steep learning curve. This was compounded by the fact that the guitarist was creating a lot of pressure throughout the experience. It was perhaps a case of bad timing and a 'bad fit', as folks have said on here.

Having said that, I've learned a lot about my drumming through this intense experience. The feedback they gave me was fairly accurate. Timing is something I have to work on, and the rejection will force me into doing that. I also came across some technique/coordination issues that I need to fix. But I also learned a lot in terms of being able to learn songs under pressure, figuring out song structures and transcribing.

Finally, and most importantly I think, is that I still LOVE playing. That's primary. Everything else - my current skills, what others might think of me, whether I get accepted or rejected by bands - is secondary. Just sitting on a pad and practicing paradiddles excites me the way few other things can. Given that, this experience (or any such experience for that matter) can't come in the way of me continuing to play. So I'll keep playing and hopefully the rest falls in place. If anything, playing should not be as stressful as this particular experience was.

So, I'm going to take this in my stride with a smile (while continuing to feel the pain in my gut). I'll take a few days off music and give myself a well-deserved break. Then I'll be back it. Knowing where I need to improve and doing what I love. Maybe after a couple of months in the practice room, I can go out and try my hand at playing with other folks again. Hopefully, I'll be better.

We'll see :)
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  #36  
Old 10-17-2017, 10:13 AM
TomR TomR is offline
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Default Re: How to deal with getting kicked out of a band

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mozart1220 View Post
When I lived in Ogden UT I started a band with a friend and a drummer he knew. I played rhythm guitar, sang half the songs, and was pretty much the "leader" of the thing.

Cut ahead three years, the bass player (my friend) and the drummer decided our original soundman had to go, and sadly they had a point. Our PA had outgrown his ability to operate it, and the drummer knew a "professional".

So "My guy" was out (They made ME can him and he didn't speak to me for a year)

I played direct through the PA via a processor, and before I knew it, I could not hear myself in the monitors. Every time I asked for more of me in MY monitor, the bass player said "Hey, he's too loud now" and I was again gone.

The sound guy also NEVER played any of the music I selected during breaks, per instructions from "my friend" the bassist. (he said he was only joking but my choices were still never played)

When it came time for me to leave the band move home to Iowa we had 3 more gigs to play, and I wanted to set up my gear and record the audio so I'd have a good live recording. The bassist said "no time for that".

I was given a "Board mix" CD that the sound guy made (my version would have included ambient mics), and when I listened neither my guitar or my vocals were on it. Even my lead vocals (down to about 8 songs) were so far down in the mix they were barely audible. My guitar was GONE. Remember, I'm playing DIRECTLY through the PA.

So I was there as a "mascot", not kicked out of my own band, but rendered irrelevant.

They could not figure out why I was upset.
What was the name of the band?
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  #37  
Old 10-23-2017, 07:53 PM
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CommanderRoss CommanderRoss is offline
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Default Re: How to deal with getting kicked out of a band

I've never been flat out booted, but I have been part of the break up when the musical direction changed.

I'm in the Rockabilly scene and more often than not, one player wants to
"go back to the roots" and play more Johnny Cash "boom-chicka-boom" style over a Brian Setzer type swing.
I'm in the latter category & find that to be a more entertaining crowd pleaser in the long run.

So when the decision to split came around, we all left on good terms. Those that wanted to keep going, did with other players. Those that didn't, went back home & did their thing.
I'm always of the mindset that when the music opportunity ends, it ends & I need to be ready to just keep playing on my own (like I did before).
If your happiness hinges on others having you a part of their group, you're in for some sad days ahead.
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  #38  
Old 10-23-2017, 11:16 PM
Mozart1220 Mozart1220 is offline
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Default Re: How to deal with getting kicked out of a band

Quote:
Originally Posted by TomR View Post
What was the name of the band?
Puddlestone. From around 1996-2001
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  #39  
Old 10-26-2017, 04:43 AM
Otto Otto is offline
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Default Re: How to deal with getting kicked out of a band

Be thankful that your ego is under enough control that you think it is possible that your skills might have impeded your performance ...leading to the departure.

Also be thankful that your ego is intact enough to belive it is possible that more than your playing might have been a factor.

record everything you perform and truly listen to it with metronome and detachment...work on what you hear as shortcomings...listen to what others say with the same analyitic detachment and obejective data...and grow...and not just in music : )

Formula for success regardless of $, fame or your egos self stroking.
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  #40  
Old 10-26-2017, 04:42 PM
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uhtrinity uhtrinity is offline
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Default Re: How to deal with getting kicked out of a band

Never been kicked out, but was the breaker and basically fired our bassist last year. Only problem is that she was married to the lead guitarist which caused a split. After 5 years together she was still playing like she had only played bass for a few months, wouldn't practice on her own and constantly complained about practices. Her vocals, while there was a lot of potential, also never improved leading to some awkward performances.

Crossed paths this summer. My half of the band reformed under a new name with a new vocalist and bassist, their half did the same. She commented (jabbed) that they now had a band where focus was on fun and not getting in the most practices and how it is such a joy .... I was thinking same thing on our end except we practice at least once a week. Meanwhile we are getting asked to play a few times a month. They on the other hand had their first paid gig last month and it was so bad ... timing, togetherness, terrible vocals, poor instrumentation. People in the audience were even making fun of them, which I have never seen. They won't be booked again. I guess some things don't change.

Long story short, you have to be on the same page with the other members or it will fail. You must also be willing to face your weaknesses and improve. Make sure you get involved with people with similar goals and expectations and give 100%.
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