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  #1  
Old 06-26-2014, 09:09 PM
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larryace larryace is offline
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Default Off to Portland

So I finally got all the things I needed for my hunting trip. I figure I will lure him out of the scum laden bowels of Portland with some thin hand hammered Zildjains from the 50's. I have a big pile of them I've been amassing for the past 3 months now. Cost me a fortune, but this is the one bait that can lure him out. I know he can smell these things for miles. I sent him a completely convincing email about a vintage cymbal giveaway/treasure hunt. So only he will come out. This I know he can't resist, because even though he is an evil genius....the guy just can't resist a treasure hunt.

My plan is to dig a pit and line the bottom with punji sticks tipped with doggy poo. (from his own dog!) On top I will disguise the pit by putting a set of mint condition 70's Ludwigs in his favorite color, silver sparkle, with a sign that says "PLAY ME PLEASE". I will use the cymbals to lure him to the location like breadcrumbs. He will think that it's his lucky day, the little worm. I wish I had an evil laugh, this would be a perfect place to use it. Vlad the Impaler would be proud of me.

I can't wait. Just looking for any tips or things I'm not thinking of to make this hunting trip successful. Also looking for suggestions on what to do with the corpse after I'm done. Thoughts? Cheers? Jeers?

Keep this on the down low.
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Old 06-26-2014, 10:40 PM
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Default Re: Off to Portland

Man, this sounds so evil and intriguing.

I just wish I knew what the hell you were talking about!!

Go have fun, though.
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Old 06-26-2014, 10:52 PM
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Default Re: Off to Portland

Look out!

Behind you!!!


More exclamation marks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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  #4  
Old 06-27-2014, 12:37 AM
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Default Re: Off to Portland

Quote:
Originally Posted by mmulcahy1 View Post
Man, this sounds so evil and intriguing.

I just wish I knew what the hell you were talking about!!

Go have fun, though.
White Chocolate is his name. Deception and manipulation is his game. He is truly an evil genius. He taunts me just with his signature alone, as if to say, you butthead, you'll never get me. We have a sordid history Phil and I, and a hatchet that will never be buried until his painful and humiliating demise. You may know him as caddywumpus. Oh he seems all nice and helpful. And he is, to most. Just hope he never feels threatened by you, or you will be sadly outgunned. I learned this at a Lenny Kravitz audition in the 90's when he cleverly hypnotized Lenny and the band to lose control of their muscle facility whenever I played.

After the humiliation and sheer horror of the sight that was before me, I vowed to exact my revenge from this sinister force. It took 15 years and the whole of my family fortune to culminate into this brilliant scheme.

You know how hunters mount the heads of bears and stuff on their wall?

I wouldn't even give him the satisfaction of being looked at by anyone.

He is not worthy.
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Last edited by larryace; 06-27-2014 at 02:19 AM.
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Old 06-27-2014, 01:31 AM
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Default Re: Off to Portland

Take lots of pictures, then!!

And again, have fun!
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  #6  
Old 06-27-2014, 01:53 AM
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Default Re: Off to Portland

Oh, it will be the funnest day of my miserable existence. I will be dressed to the nines. I can't wait to capture forever in 1's and 0's Phil's last moment of pleasure, before I pull the lever that releases the trap door. Then I will do a version of Dana Carvey's "superior" dance around his death pit.

I'll post pics here after I come back from Disneyland.
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  #7  
Old 06-27-2014, 02:21 AM
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Default Re: Off to Portland

I have followed The Battle of the Signature Blocks between CaddyW and LarryA since noticing this peculiar dialogue almost a year ago.
I look forward to spotting any updates as much as I used to reading the daily comic strips or counting the hidden Ninas in the Sunday NY Times Arts &Entertainment section. You never know what new will show up or why?!?
Now that's Entertainment!
Please do take pix.
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  #8  
Old 06-27-2014, 02:33 AM
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Default Re: Off to Portland

Stay tuned folks. This won't be nearly as cut and dried as I make it sound. The wumpus is a wily critter. I fully expect him to send an unsuspecting nincompoop to take his place and try and fool me. Make no mistake, he won't be able to resist the A Zils. It will be an interesting battle of wits. He is a worthy opponent for sure. It's too bad he has that evil streak in him. What a brain this guy was born with. Only one of us will be left standing, I can tell you that much. I'll get him or die trying.
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  #9  
Old 06-27-2014, 03:03 AM
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Default Re: Off to Portland

Quote:
Originally Posted by larryace View Post
I'll get him or die trying.
Start saying your goodbyes, then, you evil, tenticle-laden shadow of all things mucousy and putrid! I've been laying down several traps around Portland as well...do you know how long it took me to get medical marijuana legalized in Oregon? Even moreso, do you know just HOW LONG it took to convince all of the dispensaries to put life-sized cardboard cutouts of Magenta and PollyAnna (R.I.P.) in all of their windows? A bit too long by most counts, sure, but my efforts will soon be worth it as my plan to rid the universe of your bungholeness will finally come to fruition! You won't stand a chance, Larryńce!!!

(Really? You're coming to Portland? Dude!!!!)
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  #10  
Old 06-27-2014, 03:22 AM
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Default Re: Off to Portland

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Originally Posted by caddywumpus View Post
..do you know how long it took me to get medical marijuana legalized in Oregon? Even moreso, do you know just HOW LONG it took to convince all of the dispensaries to put life-sized cardboard cutouts of Magenta and PollyAnna (R.I.P.) in all of their windows?
Oh my, I'm laughing so hard!!!
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  #11  
Old 06-27-2014, 06:25 AM
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Default Re: Off to Portland

The medical marijuana is just a side benefit for me. Thanks pal! I do my best work stoned! I sure do appreciate that. Are you implying in all your evil-ness that the fair Magenta and the legendary Anon are in danger? Now you've really raised my ire you wacko! Thank you for that. That was just the inspiration I needed. You are so dead now. I now have my battle cry....For Magenta! For Anon! I must defend the respective honors and virtues of the fair Magenta and the legendary Anon. You don't stand a chance now you bloodsucking tick. You'd do well to write your will within the next week. All I can say is July 4th won't be a nice day for you.
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  #12  
Old 06-27-2014, 07:45 AM
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Default Re: Off to Portland

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Originally Posted by larryace View Post
All I can say is July 4th won't be a nice day for you.
I'm sure it will be. Fresh air, friends, family, and a foundation, freshly poured over some gaping hole that my wife was asking about for days. Oh, and some lovely, new-to-me 50s Zildjians.

"What's that muffled screaming sound?" you ask, little Timmy? Why, that sound is the faint reminder of a buried past, working itself up quickly to an eternal sleep, never to come back and haunt us again. Ever. Now, eat your LarryBurger like a good little alibi...
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  #13  
Old 06-27-2014, 08:54 AM
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Default Re: Off to Portland

This thread alone is worth the price of my subscription.
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  #14  
Old 06-27-2014, 09:00 AM
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Default Re: Off to Portland

Quote:
Originally Posted by caddywumpus View Post
I'm sure it will be. Fresh air, friends, family, and a foundation, freshly poured over some gaping hole that my wife was asking about for days. Oh, and some lovely, new-to-me 50s Zildjians.

"What's that muffled screaming sound?" you ask, little Timmy? Why, that sound is the faint reminder of a buried past, working itself up quickly to an eternal sleep, never to come back and haunt us again. Ever. Now, eat your LarryBurger like a good little alibi...
This whole tennis game of Caddy v. Larry is creepy but almost irresistible to follow, like watching a Stephen King horror movie, where you are rooting for the monster sometimes, and sometimes the victim. Who's who in this case? This might never be solved until the burgers are served...
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  #15  
Old 06-27-2014, 10:16 AM
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Default Re: Off to Portland

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Originally Posted by JustJames View Post
This thread alone is worth the price of my subscription.
You beat me to it.

Have fun, boys xxxx
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  #16  
Old 06-27-2014, 01:48 PM
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Default Re: Off to Portland

I'm calling for a straight up mud fight in said pit between the two protagonists, presided over by the aforementioned forum goddesses in barely modesty protected scanty attire. All film rights automatically passing to me of course ;)
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  #17  
Old 06-27-2014, 03:02 PM
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Default Re: Off to Portland

You would feed me to an innocent little boy. What a sicko. See what I'm dealing with here? Eat, drink, and be merry scumbag. Your days are numbered. 6 to be exact. Have fun with your final arrangements this week loser. Oh and by the way, to the victor go the spoils, so everything you own or anyone you ever cared about will be under my control on July 5th. So put that in your pipe and smoke it!
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  #18  
Old 06-27-2014, 03:34 PM
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Default Re: Off to Portland

Quote:
Originally Posted by Magenta View Post
You beat me to it.

Have fun, boys xxxx
No tearful send-offs? No scented handkerchiefs to accompany me in battle? He's out to get you too your Madgesty! Perhaps when I return with the scoundrel's head on a pike you will have realized the potential danger you were in, even at this very moment. He threatened you! And Anon! You DO want him dead right?
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  #19  
Old 06-27-2014, 04:50 PM
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Default Re: Off to Portland

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Originally Posted by larryace View Post
No tearful send-offs? No scented handkerchiefs to accompany me in battle? He's out to get you too your Madgesty! Perhaps when I return with the scoundrel's head on a pike you will have realized the potential danger you were in, even at this very moment. He threatened you! And Anon! You DO want him dead right?
If he harms a single hair on your head, I'll slap his legs for him. Do you hear that, Phil?

I would happily referee the mud-fight, along with Anon. That would be one heck of a video nasty!

Larry, take care. I'll be with you in spirit. I'd send you a scented handkerchief but it would probably smell of cat wee, and you might not like that very much.

This is shaping up to be the boss battle of the century. Game of Thrones!
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  #20  
Old 06-27-2014, 06:02 PM
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Default Re: Off to Portland

Larry, if this isn't some weird joke and you're coming out to my coast; anywhere near SF, I'd better know about it!
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  #21  
Old 06-27-2014, 06:58 PM
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Default Re: Off to Portland

Larry, are you goin' Squatchin'?

Get evidence of the Wumpus too while yer at it.

:-)
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  #22  
Old 06-27-2014, 07:09 PM
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Default Re: Off to Portland

If you go to Portland, you have to stop for Stumptown coffee and visit Voodoo doughnut.
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  #23  
Old 06-27-2014, 07:31 PM
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Default Re: Off to Portland

Geez Louise. I know you guys have invested a lot into laying your traps and so forth around Portland but think about the rest of us, will you? Do you have any idea how many IOUs I'm going to have to cash in in order to get this whole game of yours captured and incorporated into Google Street View? And really now, do I even have a choice? And before you know it, Armisen's going to be bugging me for usage rights for a new episode of Portlandia. And his people are such a pain to deal with.
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Old 06-27-2014, 08:06 PM
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Default Re: Off to Portland

I'm waiting for the youtube vid to be posted.Over and out for now,I need go out and buy some more popcorn.:)

Steve B
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Old 06-27-2014, 10:38 PM
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Default Re: Off to Portland

Actually, since the East Coast get together thing isn't happening... geographical unfeasibility being the reason, I should use that dough and do a city hopping thing. After I meet and murder Caddy, I can stop down in SoCal and see Bo and Ian and Harry and then I'll swing back through Colorado and chill with Watso. That would be a gas. Oregon, California and Colorado. I'll call it a West Coast legal marijuana tour.
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Old 06-27-2014, 11:08 PM
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Default Re: Off to Portland

Quote:
Originally Posted by keep it simple View Post
I'm calling for a straight up mud fight in said pit between the two protagonists, presided over by the aforementioned forum goddesses in barely modesty protected scanty attire. All film rights automatically passing to me of course ;)
Thinly veiled, you might say.
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Old 06-28-2014, 12:44 AM
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Default Re: Off to Portland

Quote:
Originally Posted by larryace View Post
Actually, since the East Coast get together thing isn't happening... geographical unfeasibility being the reason, I should use that dough and do a city hopping thing. After I meet and murder Caddy, I can stop down in SoCal and see Bo and Ian and Harry and then I'll swing back through Colorado and chill with Watso. That would be a gas. Oregon, California and Colorado. I'll call it a West Coast legal marijuana tour.
I'm in Central Cali, near San Francisco. Assume that's what you meant though, because Colorado is not on this coast, or any coast as far as I'm aware!

Seriously, stop through! We'll see if we can hit up a few jams! You can show us all how the blues are done!
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Old 06-28-2014, 01:52 AM
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Default Re: Off to Portland

You should both joust and try to impale each other using these giant Drumsticks. (I so want a pair of these)

Shoot, I've been coming to this forum almost 3 years now and haven't met even one forum member. That's because I am an a*hole. haha!

We should have a local band thread where members can post their gigs, in case another local forum member might want to see it.
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  #29  
Old 06-28-2014, 03:05 AM
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Default Re: Off to Portland

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr_Watso View Post
I'm in Central Cali, near San Francisco. Assume that's what you meant though, because Colorado is not on this coast, or any coast as far as I'm aware!

Seriously, stop through! We'll see if we can hit up a few jams! You can show us all how the blues are done!
For some reason I thought you were in Colorado. Now I have to adjust all my memories that concern you.......and DONE! Lol. Are you telling me Colorado isn't on the ocean??? ;)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Midnite Zephyr View Post
You should both joust and try to impale each other using these giant Drumsticks. (I so want a pair of these)

Shoot, I've been coming to this forum almost 3 years now and haven't met even one forum member. That's because I am an a*hole. haha!

We should have a local band thread where members can post their gigs, in case another local forum member might want to see it.
Actually, you are part of the California crowd too and I failed to mention you. Who else is from California here?

Good thread idea. We really have no central location to see upcoming shows of members here. Smashing idea Paul. FWIW, I had to fly to London to meet anyone, but boy was it worth it. Best part of the trip hands down.

In reality, I can't really afford to take off all that time and jet to here and there, but man would I love to.

Re: the drumsticks...pretty funny to go onstage with a pair of those. Imagine playing a whole gig with them? I'm doing it now!
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Last edited by larryace; 06-28-2014 at 03:25 AM.
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  #30  
Old 06-28-2014, 05:09 AM
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Default Re: Off to Portland

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Originally Posted by larryace View Post
That would be a gas. Oregon, California and Colorado. I'll call it a West Coast legal marijuana tour.
Just so you know, if you get pulled over by a police officer in Oregon or California, state law says that you need to declare that you have marijuana on you, and then it's all cool. If you DON'T declare it, then THAT is when you get into serious trouble.

See you on the 4th! Can't wait! *goes back to cleaning grill*
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  #31  
Old 06-28-2014, 05:20 AM
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If he harms a single hair on your head, I'll slap his legs for him. Do you hear that, Phil?
Loud and clear. I'm looking forward to it. Slap 'em hard, and don't hold back...
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  #32  
Old 06-28-2014, 05:21 AM
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Default Re: Off to Portland

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Originally Posted by JustJames View Post
Thinly veiled, you might say.
"Non-existent," you might also say.
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  #33  
Old 06-28-2014, 09:11 PM
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Default Re: Off to Portland

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Originally Posted by larryace View Post
ů.. After I meet and murder Caddy, I can stop down in SoCal and see Bo and Ian and Harry and then I'll swing back through Colorado and chill with Watso. That would be a gas. Oregon, California and Colorado. I'll call it a West Coast legal marijuana tour.
Hey I've got loads of fresh green chile here in the Land of Enchantment for you.

Taco, anyone?
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  #34  
Old 07-06-2014, 03:53 AM
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I woke up this morning and noticed, quite quizzically, that I happened to make it through the day yesterday without being brutally ensnared in tentacles or finding myself terminally punctured in a hole with some nice Ludwigs...what gives, Larry?
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  #35  
Old 07-06-2014, 04:02 AM
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Default Re: Off to Portland

Quote:
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Re: the drumsticks...pretty funny to go onstage with a pair of those. Imagine playing a whole gig with them? I'm doing it now!
It will suit your persona Uncle Larry... "larger than life"

If someone is larger than life , that person attracts a lot of attention because they are more exciting or interesting than most people :)
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  #36  
Old 07-06-2014, 07:46 AM
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Let it be known...I was kind of disappointed. I was hoping that sometime during the day I was going to get "punked" by a surprise visit from Larry. Perhaps next year, or maybe next week...
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