You know, I smell a rat here, Stan. You keep telling us how you've been a professional jazz musician for over thirty years, which means, I take it, that in all that time you've not had to rely on a day job to pay your rent and bills. If that's the case then you're one of the success stories in jazz music. Don't you know that?
In my life I've known great jazz musicians who had to drive taxis and work on landscaping crews to make ends meet. I've also known many, many players who had to play any kind of music except jazz to make a living, including myself.
You, however, are enjoying a career where you get to play the music you love, you're making a living at it, and you have drum and cymbal endorsements. Don't you know how many people would give anything to have your life? So why all this petty angst?