once again.....

Just my 2 cents....

Some places we play want the band to be quieter for the first set. I can adjust both my playing and use lighter sticks. I have even used The "hot Rods" bundle of dowels type sticks.
Also whatever your normal comfortable "hitting intensity" is, you need to leave room for the dynamics of the song. I notice a lot of the alternative stuff we cover is much quieter during the verses and opens up with riding the crash cymbal loudness during the choruses.

Not every song calls for heavy hitting, but on the other hand, some tunes need to be played with attitude, rimshots, and washy open hats.

A drummer in a working band is paid to know when to do what for the benefit of the song and the band.

If it were me and I was too loud relative to the other members, I would want another drummer to tell me in a non critical way so I could make an adjustment in my playing.
 
Dynamics can be centered around many ranges. Few months ago I did a guitar gig with some folks up in Oakland. Classic soul stuff. Turns out to be in a small art gallery. We had rehearsed in a church study where they had and e-kit and the drummer was messing around and hitting fairly hard. When I saw him drag a full sized kit into the venue I thought OMG we're in trouble now. Cat played funk and full on gospel chops at levels you could talk over. No loss of groove or dynamics. From a whisper to maybe 85dB at the loudest. Don't think I ever saw his sticks more than an inch above things, and sometimes I could barely see him stroke. You wouldn't know it from hearing it though. Major lesson in how to play at any level.
 
I just joined a new band a few short months ago, basically classic rock, 60's & a smidge of what I call classic country.
I answered their c list add, spoke to the leader, he asked what kind of kit I played, I said I have both an e kit & acoustic. I told him it wasn't an expensive e kit & that i just used it for practice. H asked me if I would be interested in upgrading my e kit and I flatly said no. He said well every drummer we've had on an acoustic kit has been way to loud. My response was maybe they needed a drummer with some dynamics in their playing style. Sooo

I was auditioned and immediately hired on using an acoustic kit. They tell me all the time how much they like the acoustic sounds I am emulating as well as my playing style. Apparently they didn't know what they were missing.

1st band at 16 was a country band in the early 80's playing all the old classics at legions etc. so I learned very early to play soft but was able to rock it up to johnny b goode etc. I also think if someone wants to learn to play with some dynamics, play along to the Eagles, that did wonders for me when I was learning.

I am able to go from Desperado to Bad Case of Loving You in a heartbeat. New band thinks it's great....that's my 2 cents worth.
 
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