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Old 01-24-2011, 06:38 PM
yenaro yenaro is offline
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Default Druming Research paper help

Hi so I am doing a research paper for one my of courses on why Rock Music without Drums and Drummers would be the same and have the same feel and not be as powerful driven if rock music had no drums. I know there some smart Drummers out there but i don't know if any of you guys are English majors or are good at English but i need help on my thesis statement. I am wondering if its any good. again thanks for any help .


Rock music without Drummers

Living in the vast sophistication of life many people would argue that certain values of life do not need to be described; solely it just needs to be experienced. In today’s modern time human society has the technological advances to create what would be deemed as magic to create atmospheric events such as the feeling of being in front of a live famous rock band during a sold out show. Just like the artists of yesterday’s time, the youth driven genre of Rock Music has bands that have defined the new age movement of anti cultural attributes due to lyrical influences with the help of social mania of the powerful well driven rock beat that made the difference in rock music than in any other genre. Without drummers a rock band would have a hard time grabbing the attention of fans as well of being well received by other Rock Bands or Musicians, Drummers are a key factor in rock music without them, the thunderous power driven musical sensation would be just a far off feeble rumble.
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Old 01-25-2011, 05:31 AM
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Skulmoski Skulmoski is offline
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Default Re: Druming Research paper help

Good first draft. However, lots of people have looked at your post yet I am the first to reply. Why? Something is missing in your paragraph; I think you need a better hook. Your thesis idea is one worthy to explore, but your lead in to the thesis is a bit weak. This is common in early drafts so don't dispair. What you did correctly was offer your work to others to provide constructive comments. That takes courage.

Perhaps prepare the reader for your thesis statement by focusing on other events where sound is critical. For example, ask the reader to think about their experience at a pyschological thriller film without a sound track. Or attending a magnificent fireworks display that was silent. You get the idea.

Good luck. Usually the best finished pieces of writing go through multiple iterations. Keep going!

GJS
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Old 01-25-2011, 07:24 AM
toddbishop toddbishop is offline
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Default Re: Druming Research paper help

Quote:
Originally Posted by yenaro View Post
Living in the vast sophistication of life many people would argue that certain values of life do not need to be described; solely it just needs to be experienced. In today’s modern time human society has the technological advances to create what would be deemed as magic to create atmospheric events such as the feeling of being in front of a live famous rock band during a sold out show.
Simplify. No need for sophistication that is also vast; living in life arguing about values that are also of life; choose between "solely" or "it just"; today is assumed to be modern time, technology is assumed to be human (not insect or reptile); and it doesn't need to be advancing at the moment. Do you follow? Your opening above boils easily down to this, or something close to it:

Quote:
Many would argue that certain values do not need to be described, they only need to be experienced. Technology so advanced it would once have been called magic simulates the feeling of being live in front of a famous rock band during a sold out show.
Once you get rid of the fluff, it's easier to see the second problem: your opening doesn't support your thesis. How do either of the above statements relate to the need for drums in rock?

Your actual thesis is not bad:

Quote:
Without drummers a rock band would have a hard time grabbing the attention of fans as well of being well received by other Rock Bands or Musicians, Drummers are a key factor in rock music without them, the thunderous power driven musical sensation would be just a far off feeble rumble.
It could stand to be refined, but I can tell what you mean. What I personally think you should do is scrap everything before "drummers are a key factor..." and say something that illustrates why rock would feeble without drums.

One more thing- I don't know if this will help: it's best to avoid the hazy generalities and talk about things you know. One thing you can be certain about is your own feelings and responses to music- try talking about that, but without saying "I think" or "I feel".

I hope this helps- good luck!
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Old 01-25-2011, 09:45 AM
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ivonne ivonne is offline
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Default Re: Druming Research paper help

Haha i did my senior project on the same topic lol. Hmm i think you should mention drumming a little more at the beginning of your paragraph.
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Old 01-25-2011, 07:46 PM
yenaro yenaro is offline
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Default Re: Druming Research paper help

Greatly appreciate the advice guys, As for the fluff part, i forgot that i added my intro paragraph along with the thesis statement, sorry for any confusion.
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