Other people stifling you

Reminds me of my first girlfriend. She was very pretty, and was good with getting what she wanted. I would practice some drums, and she would just bust in and sit there staring angrily at me until I stopped playing. She then wanted me to do stuff for her, or buy stuff for her. She was constantly craving attention.

After awhile I got so pissed that I just broke up with her. She got very angry and threatened with suicide if I left her(she was the kind of type to break up with you instead of visa versa). It all turned ugly because she actually tried to off herself, so I could take the blame for it. She survived though, and is still going through men at a fast rate.

It may have turned me into a cynical bastard, but atleast I know that I should not buckle under someone elses opinions. Especially drumming which means so much to me.
 
Thaard are you sure she didn't try to off herself after listening to one of your covers?

Geez man I'm just kidding!

You made it way too easy, I had to take it.
 
I've never had a girlfriend (I'm only 17, so little on the young side for marriage) that disapproved of me playing bass, drums, or anything. If they did, I'd tell them where to shove it.

I buy my own drum gear, I don't borrow money for it. If she's allowed shoes and handbags, I'm allowed pedals to put my shoes on and bags to put my drums in. :D Anyway, would they rather you be out sleeping with another person instead? The way some wives seem to react is drumming is worse than adultery.

I tell people if I date them, that's part of who I am, it's part of what I do. If they don't like it, then that's fine. I have no time for them especially if they try to stop me doing something I personally love. (I may be bad at it, but that's for another thread :D)
 
Tell me about Larry! My wife hates my drumming. She says that I'm being childish. She hasn't spoken to me in years except for when she puts me down. The great thing is that I don't care! I have all of my musician friends and fans. My life is complete!
If she wants to serve me papers then so be it. If she does this, she will have to buy me out of our real estate assets and pay me alimony!
Our kids have grown (They are out in the world on their own) and I am in the Catbird seat. I am just waiting for the day to come.
I love being me right now.
When we first were married I stopped playing for many years. My wife was always jealous of any activities that I had that didn't concern her. I did my job. I helped raise two kids. I remodeled three houses including a vacation home that I no longer care to go to. They tell me it's nice LOL!
I started playing again four years ago and I have never looked back. Good Show, Bad Show, I don't care! I have fun. Money can't buy fun! I know, Many exclamation marks!!!!!!!!
Now you know why.
 
Reminds me of my first girlfriend. She was very pretty, and was good with getting what she wanted. I would practice some drums, and she would just bust in and sit there staring angrily at me until I stopped playing. She then wanted me to do stuff for her, or buy stuff for her. She was constantly craving attention.

After awhile I got so pissed that I just broke up with her. She got very angry and threatened with suicide if I left her(she was the kind of type to break up with you instead of visa versa). It all turned ugly because she actually tried to off herself, so I could take the blame for it. She survived though, and is still going through men at a fast rate.

It may have turned me into a cynical bastard, but atleast I know that I should not buckle under someone elses opinions. Especially drumming which means so much to me.

Reminds me of a girlfriend I had years ago that I used to take along fishing. She'd sit on a rock while I was out in the river making casts and all of a sudden I'd hear "BORING!!!" come out of her sweet (not) mouth. WTF??? She was also one that after a year of me putting up with her jealousies and insecurities threatened to commit suicide after I decided to leave her. I got sucked into another year of hell with that and finally got out of that situation.

You guys are very fortunate that have understanding spouses or girlfriends. I certainly know they are out there and are worth their weight in gold and a lot more. As Larry has mentioned, that is what a good relationship is all about.

Fishnmusicn
 
Thaard are you sure she didn't try to off herself after listening to one of your covers?

Geez man I'm just kidding!

You made it way too easy, I had to take it.

Ha ha that was a good one. Just chuckling at the setup Thaardman, keep on posting those covers!

Fishnmusicn
 
Yea I couldn't stop myself....Thaard I owe you a brewski
 
Cathartic you make good points. However...
I wasn't referring to this individual in particular, just in general, it does happen.
And because, in this case, there are far more male drummers than female drummers, the female is defaulted to the controlling role.
I agree that in other situations, men stifle women in far worse ways. The real focus of this thread is the controlling/allowing yourself to be controlled aspect, not the gender..

Which in a way, is stifling in itself. I worked for years in drum shops, and I used to hear over and over again from women they wanted to try the drums, but their parents/friends/whomever always said drumming isn't something girls do. The social pressure on females to not be drummers is rather immense.

I once knew a talented local female drummer, and she told me she felt the pressure on here was intense from other females, because if she wasn't perfect, it would perpetuate the stereotype that females can't be drummers.

Anyhow, I suppose that's getting a bit off topic.

Back to topic:

When I was first selling drums, more times than not a guy would pick out the perfect cymbal, and then not buy it, claiming he had to go ask his wife. It became pretty apparent, this wasn't true, it was just a cop out to avoid being committed to buying that day (or go shop the price at another store, as this was way before the internet). So after I a while, I'd ask "oh, does your wife plays drums too? How cool.." just to see their faces. hahaha....
 
It became pretty apparent, this wasn't true, it was just a cop out to avoid being committed to buying that day (or go shop the price at another store, as this was way before the internet). So after I a while, I'd ask "oh, does your wife plays drums too? How cool.." just to see their faces. hahaha....

Awesome!! I would have loved to have seen their faces too.
 
...more times than not a guy would pick out the perfect cymbal, and then not buy it, claiming he had to go ask his wife.
I used this line just last week. It was an Istanbul Traditional Medium Thin 18" Crash. Since my wife is also the treasurer of the family, I needed to run it by her so see if the funds were available. She said that I could buy it if I really wanted to (and I really did!) but that it might jeopardize, or push back the date when I could order my new 24" kick, which I've been saving for.

I know that cymbal is going to get snatched up by someone soon enough, and I'm not real happy about it, but whaddaya gonna do??
 
Which in a way, is stifling in itself. I worked for years in drum shops, and I used to hear over and over again from women they wanted to try the drums, but their parents/friends/whomever always said drumming isn't something girls do. The social pressure on females to not be drummers is rather immense.

Yes, it's there. I have spoken to a number of women who have said after a gig, "Oh, I wish I played the drums" but when I suggest they just go and do it the most common reply is, "But I caaan't".

To hell with sugar and spice, I say! And with shoes shaped like torpedoes (or other weapons) and heels designed to make you walk on your tip toes, and to clothes that feel like a straitjacket. And to hell with trying to control, or kowtow to, men. I control no one and no one controls me.

Needless to say I'm divorced and live alone lol
 
Tell me about Larry! My wife hates my drumming. She says that I'm being childish. She hasn't spoken to me in years except for when she puts me down. The great thing is that I don't care! I have all of my musician friends and fans. My life is complete!
If she wants to serve me papers then so be it. If she does this, she will have to buy me out of our real estate assets and pay me alimony!
Our kids have grown (They are out in the world on their own) and I am in the Catbird seat. I am just waiting for the day to come.
I love being me right now.
When we first were married I stopped playing for many years. My wife was always jealous of any activities that I had that didn't concern her. I did my job. I helped raise two kids. I remodeled three houses including a vacation home that I no longer care to go to. They tell me it's nice LOL!
I started playing again four years ago and I have never looked back. Good Show, Bad Show, I don't care! I have fun. Money can't buy fun! I know, Many exclamation marks!!!!!!!!
Now you know why.
Bob, we have more in common than I thought. My wife quite likes drumming, but carries similar resentment. I do love her very much though. I had a 22 year gap & started over 3 years ago. I'm with you bud.
 
Thaard are you sure she didn't try to off herself after listening to one of your covers?

Geez man I'm just kidding!

You made it way too easy, I had to take it.

Haha! If I'd been covering trance and dance tunes, then maybe. That was what she liked.
 
Yes, it's there. I have spoken to a number of women who have said after a gig, "Oh, I wish I played the drums" but when I suggest they just go and do it the most common reply is, "But I caaan't".

To hell with sugar and spice, I say! And with shoes shaped like torpedoes (or other weapons) and heels designed to make you walk on your tip toes, and to clothes that feel like a straitjacket. And to hell with trying to control, or kowtow to, men. I control no one and no one controls me.

Needless to say I'm divorced and live alone lol
Wish my wife was a drummer girl Pol & agreed on the pander to men's desires type clothing. I don't like the "put it all on show" thing. The most attractive women in my life are jeans, pullover & flats girls. I like a bit of mystique, anyhow, all clothes look the same in a pile on the bedroom floor!
 
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