Getting "yelled" at onstage

[Skitch]

Originally Posted by larryace

OK I don't mean literal yelling...Let me explain. I make mistakes sometimes, like everyone. One of the bands I'm in, if I misstep onstage, I get like the verbal " Aw c'mon man" with the accompanying noticeably high level of frustration in the voice, said at a volume clearly loud enough to be heard from the audience.
I've never said anything to anyone about it, it happens probably every 3 gigs or so, but I'm thinking of exercising some rights here, and not simply absorbing it anymore. It doesn't make me play better, it's unprofessional conduct onstage, I don't like it one bit, and I NEVER did anything like that to the others, even though the amount of mistakes I make is a small fraction of the mistakes I hear coming from places other than the drumkit..

Why so serious? I totally laugh off their mistakes, what are you gonna do? You can't unring that bell, so best to make light of it and use it to look like you're having a good time, right? Last night I was "yelled" at twice, once for not reading someones mind exactly right, and another because I missed the drum pickup, and the very first note of the song was played just a tad unsure by me. I thought the beginning was different, my bad for sure, but geez it was barely noticeable, I covered just fine I thought, so I'm thinking the audience knew nothing.
Part of me says, keep my mouth shut, whoever is doing the yelling, is only painting himself in a bad light and that I should continue to just let it roll off my back, just keep cool and smile, and another part of me tells me to address this issue, not during a gig of course.

Which part of me should I listen to?

Well,

I was playing in a band in Dallas and the guitar player turned around and yelled at me during “Ain’t No Sunshine”. This happened three nights in a row. He didn’t like what I was playing (after all, everyone need guitar players to tell them how to do everything don’t they?).

After the third night the band leader announced at the end of the night that they needed to have a chat with me to the chick singer – I knew what was coming – a note by note critique of what I played and how I was wrong.

These guys seemed to have one oar in the water as to what they wanted and, as typical, the drummer is wrong about everything! This chat almost broke into a fist fight in the parking lot. The next day of this house gig, I went down, broke my drums down and left with them in my truck, long before the rest of the band got there. About an hour before down beat, I started getting the panic calls of “Where are you?”

I told them to file it under “I got what I asked for but not what I wanted!” They got what they deserved. These two arrogant Texans (no wonder I don’t like Texans all that much) also had a bad attitude towards taking orders from anyone else which was apparent when I told them that I was a contractor for the Platters, Coasters and the Drifters and that we might be able to pick up work with those acts. “We don’t want to work for someone else!” is what they said. They also told me that there was no way I could know anything about music because I wasn’t from Texas.


Could it have been handled better – sure! But as Zoro once told me “It will happen one time!” when a player pulls this kind of crap! It's a small world and bad news travels fast! If hear of something like this about someone who is interested in hiring me, you can bet I will think twice about going out the road or even playing a gig with that person - and I have done this within the past year!


I can’t tell you what to do but I can tell you what I would do:

I would get my parts nailed down as near flawless as I could get and this shouldn’t take more than a couple of weeks practice. This way, I would be putting my best foot forward. After I had the mistakes to a minimum, when something didn’t come off perfectly, I would sit down with the rest of the guys in the band, like a man, and talk about it in a quiet, non-aggressive manner. If anything was said about mistake “X”, I would remind them in a generic, non-accusatory, blanket statement that “We all make mistakes onstage.” This should suffice and shut up the other players. If this doesn’t or it offends someone, then it may be time to look for another playing situation because why should you be held to a higher standard than another player in the band?


This is coming from a drummer who has been fired by voice mail and has a fellow drummer fired by email(!). Handle this situation like an adult; nothing is more juvenile than a bunch of secret texts/emails/instant messages between band members talking about another band member behind his back! A nothing is more cowardly – you call me a lot of things but a coward to face confrontation isn’t one of them! Be an adult even when everyone else isn’t!




Mike

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[Thaard]

I´m glad I play in a band where I know the tunes better than my band-mates :P. Everyone makes mistakes, so just laugh it off and continue is what I say. If they want perfection, put a drum-machine there instead.

I´ve only yelled once in my life, and that was when I was playing War Pigs by Black Sabbath with these kids who didn't practice that much. I was counting in, and the bass-player started in the completely wrong time, and I had to yell, "It´s 6! 1 2 3 4 5 6!" to get him back again.

I sometimes find it easier to just keep it simple and make every fill so that the other musicians know where they are, when I´m playing with people I don't know that well. Keeps them off my back :P. Either that, or you can call your "mistakes" impromptu fills :P

[mattsmith]

Originally Posted by Skitch

Well,

I was playing in a band in Dallas and the guitar player turned around and yelled at me during “Ain’t No Sunshine”. This happened three nights in a row. He didn’t like what I was playing (after all, everyone need guitar players to tell them how to do everything don’t they?).

After the third night the band leader announced at the end of the night that they needed to have a chat with me to the chick singer – I knew what was coming – a note by note critique of what I played and how I was wrong.

These guys seemed to have one oar in the water as to what they wanted and, as typical, the drummer is wrong about everything! This chat almost broke into a fist fight in the parking lot. The next day of this house gig, I went down, broke my drums down and left with them in my truck, long before the rest of the band got there. About an hour before down beat, I started getting the panic calls of “Where are you?”

I told them to file it under “I got what I asked for but not what I wanted!” They got what they deserved. These two arrogant Texans (no wonder I don’t like Texans all that much) also had a bad attitude towards taking orders from anyone else which was apparent when I told them that I was a contractor for the Platters, Coasters and the Drifters and that we might be able to pick up work with those acts. “We don’t want to work for someone else!” is what they said. They also told me that there was no way I could know anything about music because I wasn’t from Texas.


Could it have been handled better – sure! But as Zoro once told me “It will happen one time!” when a player pulls this kind of crap! It's a small world and bad news travels fast! If hear of something like this about someone who is interested in hiring me, you can bet I will think twice about going out the road or even playing a gig with that person - and I have done this within the past year!


I can’t tell you what to do but I can tell you what I would do:

I would get my parts nailed down as near flawless as I could get and this shouldn’t take more than a couple of weeks practice. This way, I would be putting my best foot forward. After I had the mistakes to a minimum, when something didn’t come off perfectly, I would sit down with the rest of the guys in the band, like a man, and talk about it in a quiet, non-aggressive manner. If anything was said about mistake “X”, I would remind them in a generic, non-accusatory, blanket statement that “We all make mistakes onstage.” This should suffice and shut up the other players. If this doesn’t or it offends someone, then it may be time to look for another playing situation because why should you be held to a higher standard than another player in the band?


This is coming from a drummer who has been fired by voice mail and has a fellow drummer fired by email(!). Handle this situation like an adult; nothing is more juvenile than a bunch of secret texts/emails/instant messages between band members talking about another band member behind his back! A nothing is more cowardly – you call me a lot of things but a coward to face confrontation isn’t one of them! Be an adult even when everyone else isn’t!




Mike

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http://www.youtube.com/drummermikemccraw
http://www.myspace.com/drummermikemccraw
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Great post. I also agree with everything you said and did.

I am a firm believer that drummers get garbage because they accept it so willingly.

Regarding rock guitarists, who play exclusively in that one enviornment:

I sincerely believe that some /not all/ behave that way because no one has ever explained to them that it's improper behavior. As I am sure you know, had that guitarist said those things to you on a jazz, r&b or classical gig he would have had his head served on a platter. I think that's why you see most of the mature/ professional behavior coming from diverse guitarists, who are willing to expand, and in doing so are more flexible about all aspects of performance.

And of course we all know that guys who are offered nice Platters, Drifters shows and claim they won't accept because they only play their own music are merely insecure about leaving their tiny bubble of understanding. IMO that's why they insist on that kind of control. They're just not solid enough musicians to leave the reservation, and they're terrified that someone is going to discover their secret shame.

For the life of me, I remain perplexed why drummers won't defend themselves while in the company of ignorant/arrogant colleagues. I am not advocating intentional hostility, and yeah you should do everything to keep things cool before dropping the hammer. But I am asking drummers to not put up with stuff that is obviously dead wrong. All that does is tape loop the bad.

[Malti]

At the risk of repeating what has already been stated, it's all about the audience, not the band. They are the reason you're there in the first place. They did not likely pick up on the misstep but very likely noticed his reaction to it. Unprofessional. As an analogy, I would not like to be lying on the operating table and hear the other Docs point out a mistake my surgeon just made. Nor would I enjoy hearing from my Financial Planner's associate how my portfolio was mismanaged when he failed to bail out of a stock that eventually tanked. Unprofessional behavior in front of me, the patient/client. So when you address it, make it about the audience, not him, not you. No blame, no egos, no hurt feelings :)

[JT1]

Yo Larry

Well I find that unbelievable, we are all human, in a band, having fun. Mistakes happen whether it's your fault or not they happen and highlighting them in a band is the worst thing you can possibly do. Not only is it unprofessional it can spoil the mood, and atmosphere at a gig. Whoever this person is, (I'm guessing guitarist) it seems they are getting satisfaction from putting you down which is bullying or they are using it to justify making mistakes themselves, I would certainly speak up about it cause I do what you do, I laugh off my own mistakes and other peoples. If someone were to turn around and say that to me in the middle of a song, after the song is finished I would pull them over to one side and I would gently say in their ear, 'if you humiliate me again, I will walk off stage'. No matter how you look at it it is humiliating.

Say something Larry don't be a pushover anymore, good guys like you don't deserve it.

[larryace]

It sucks that I have to be so politically correct in that I can't use the word you, I have to make it about the audience...I agree with all of you on those points, but secretly wish that people were tough enough to just accept the fact that they screwed up and not get defensive because I pointed to the source of the issue, their behavior! But I can't point at them, I have to talk in circles as to not hurt any feelings.
Believe me, no one protects my feelings like that, they don't have to because I don't take it personal. We have a mission, to be the best we can, and that takes self critique among band members. What is so difficult about admitting you screwed up? It comes very easy for me.

Oh you don't like the part I played? Please, feel free to tell me what you want to hear! Just sing me the rhythm! No problem, happy to help, is my attitude. Also, thanks for pointing that out, yea your idea does work better, feel free to make any more suggestions. If there's a better way to do it, I wanna know about it! I want to sound the best I can, and if you have a suggestion that will do that, I'm all ears. This is how I am at rehearsals, shows etc. If there is a valid musical reason not to play their suggestion, I will bring it up, but usually their suggestion works fine, and I do it with the most cooperative of attitudes.

But I have to measure every word if I have a suggestion. NP I'm a big boy. Maybe Les is too and I'm assuming he's not. What I'd really like to be able to say is "Dude, you can't react when I screw up onstage, you just don't do that! It doesn't look good to the audience, and it does more harm than good. Just let it go or laugh it off! OK? I don't do that to you!

Too many you's. But I will have basically have to write it down first and read it over the phone so I don't mis word anything. Walking on eggshells.
I do think some here are making this out to be a heavier situation than it is. I'm not making any threats of leaving, or giving any ultimatums over this, that would be way over reacting on my part. On a scale of 1 to10 this is a 2 in my book. Walking offstage mid song was an 8, and I never said a peep about it, what's done is done, no do overs so what's the point of scolding? That can't improve anything.
I will make this call by Friday night.

[Travis22]

My thought is when you are in a performance situation you need to be as professional as possible. This means ALL members. They need to remember that this isn't a practice session where you can just stop and complain whenever...that time has come and gone, so now you have to make the best of what you have to work with. If that means a rough intro, then you deal with it. If the band has sufficent ability within all members, recovering from a late intro or something that minor shouldn't effect the show or that song what so ever, so therefore they have no reason to make a scene on stage. After words, if it bothered them, then yes, they should say something. Which, judging by your attitude about the whole ordeal, would be just fine with you. And more than likely, you would/could correct it.

But I do agree, this has to stop. As a "2" or your scale, it's not a big deal. But over time, or given the right circumstance, it could easily become a 8-9. Everyone has a breaking point...sometimes it takes longer to reach that point then others. If they keep hounding you like the step-child of the band, it will eventually start to effect you more. Definetly bring it up to the other members.

[Spinozalove]

It is very unproffessional of him to do that, especially if it is clearly audible to the audiance. I agree with the consensus. You should say something about it. The musicians in a band should be supporting each other when performing, rather than trying to make each other feel small. After all, we are all in this together, aren't we?

[Spreggy]

Originally Posted by larryace

Yea those mis reads get me too. Sometimes I can't hear what someone is saying or signaling so I try and guess. I'm pretty good most of the time but not all. There should be a standardized musicians sign language.

1 finger held up = slow down!
2 fingers = speed up!
3 fingers = you're too loud!
4 fingers = play louder dammit!
5 fingers = quit stepping on everyone!

I would find that refreshingly helpful
The baseball guys have their own thing, so should musicians, right?
We can't always converse with one another easily from a distance.
Texting is probably out of the question...

I have given band mates the 1-finger signal before. :)

[jon e rotten]

Originally Posted by larryace

What I'd really like to be able to say is "Dude, you can't react when I screw up onstage, you just don't do that! It doesn't look good to the audience, and it does more harm than good. Just let it go or laugh it off! OK? I don't do that to you!

.

The above is exactly what you should say. But, maybe you could try something like "Gee I know you're a fantastic guitar player and I'm just a crummy drummer, that in no way measures up to you in terms of skill, but it makes me sad when you yell at me on stage. And if you do it again I'm going to stick that guitar up your ass."

You seem like a really laid back and patient guy, but do you let things build up until you reach a breaking point and then have a major meltdown? I've seen that a few times and it can get really ugly(or really entertaining depending on your vantage point).

[Geoff J]

definitely confront him about it - This will go on & on until you say something

Originally Posted by Pollyanna

... or do you just have a talent for collecting idiots?

Best. Line. Ever. If you'd ever met any of my friends you'd know that this is an actual hobby... :(

[Malti]

Originally Posted by Pollyanna
... or do you just have a talent for collecting idiots?

Originally Posted by motojt

Best. Line. Ever. If you'd ever met any of my friends you'd know that this is an actual hobby... :(

Me too! Only I don't exactly "collect idiots" as much as I feel like a magnet for sociapaths! Oh well, everybody needs a hobby I guess!

Originally Posted by Malti

Me too! Only I don't exactly "collect idiots" as much as I feel like a magnet for sociapaths! Oh well, everybody needs a hobby I guess!

My version of Polly's line is, "I attract stupidity." It always gets an eye-roll out of my wife. :)

[Bruce M. Thomson]

It is probably just me but I would have told them at the end of the gig thanks for the memories but you can start looking for a new drummer. From what you are saying it happens often; I would loose these guys and find the ones that are fun to be around. That is when the growth happens.

[Aeolian]

Larry, it's not about being PC, it's about getting what you want. You want to play in a situation that is enjoyable for you and comes across well to the audience.

You could lock horns with someone who's being unprofessional and it will likely degenerate. You won't be having fun, the audience won't be getting such a great show, and bookings for that band will probably go down.

Or, you can be smarter than your opponent, and lead him in a productive direction to your (and incidently his and everyone else's) benefit.

Be the winner.

[Pollyanna]

Larry, from a playing perspective, how does the guitarist's comments affect you. Does it actually put you on your toes and sharpen you up? Or is it distracting? The answer to this should help clarify your approach.

[Vipercussionist]

Originally Posted by larryace

OK I don't mean literal yelling...Let me explain. I make mistakes sometimes, like everyone. One of the bands I'm in, if I misstep onstage, I get like the verbal " Aw c'mon man" with the accompanying noticeably high level of frustration in the voice, said at a volume clearly loud enough to be heard from the audience.
I've never said anything to anyone about it, it happens probably every 3 gigs or so, but I'm thinking of exercising some rights here, and not simply absorbing it anymore. It doesn't make me play better, it's unprofessional conduct onstage, I don't like it one bit, and I NEVER did anything like that to the others, even though the amount of mistakes I make is a small fraction of the mistakes I hear coming from places other than the drumkit..

Why so serious? I totally laugh off their mistakes, what are you gonna do? You can't unring that bell, so best to make light of it and use it to look like you're having a good time, right? Last night I was "yelled" at twice, once for not reading someones mind exactly right, and another because I missed the drum pickup, and the very first note of the song was played just a tad unsure by me. I thought the beginning was different, my bad for sure, but geez it was barely noticeable, I covered just fine I thought, so I'm thinking the audience knew nothing.
Part of me says, keep my mouth shut, whoever is doing the yelling, is only painting himself in a bad light and that I should continue to just let it roll off my back, just keep cool and smile, and another part of me tells me to address this issue, not during a gig of course.

Which part of me should I listen to?

Been there, I dealt with it for a few YEARS in fact. It would basically RUIN my night hearing that stuff on stage. I FINALLY decided that I'd had enough and threatened to kick the ass of the "yeller" if it EVER happened again. (true story). The other member of the band ALSO laid into him that night and he apologized and it's never happened again.

You obviously don't have to take it to THAT level, but you must make it clear that it DOESN'T happen again, EVER. No bargains, it stops NOW! End of story

No gig is worth THAT stuff.

[larryace]

Originally Posted by Pollyanna

Larry, from a playing perspective, how does the guitarist's comments affect you. Does it actually put you on your toes and sharpen you up? Or is it distracting? The answer to this should help clarify your approach.

Les's comments sometimes affect my mood, but mostly not. If they do get to me it's pretty quick and I'm over it by the time the song's over. The other night, no effect. I didn't mess up, I just forgot that there was a drum pickup, and played the first note unsure, but I played it, not the end of the world. Like I said earlier, I kinda laugh to myself when he blows. It didn't rattle me. The next day is when I decided that enough is enough already. When it does affect me, if I'm in a good place, it takes me out of there temporarily, kills my high so to speak, but I don't think my playing changes noticeably.
I brainfart on beginnings the most. Once I'm rolling, I know the structure, it my job.
When the bassist scolds me, I take that a little more seriously because he's the better musician, and I get along with him better. He does it very rarely, but he did the other night and apologized. He decided to try out a slightly different beginning, (that we never did before, he just got it in his head) and I didn't quite nail it. Beginnings again. So he stopped the song (unnecessarily) and got agitated, started it up the way we always do it and we were off. After the song was over he apologized, and that made it better.

Let me ask you guys this. This band might not last too long, the bass player is mentally out of there, and I certainly won't continue on with Les trying to get another bass player and doing the same tired old 10 year old set list. Should I even broach this issue with Les if the band will fade out after the summer?

[larryace]

Originally Posted by Malti

At the risk of repeating what has already been stated, it's all about the audience, not the band. They are the reason you're there in the first place. They did not likely pick up on the misstep but very likely noticed his reaction to it. Unprofessional. As an analogy, I would not like to be lying on the operating table and hear the other Docs point out a mistake my surgeon just made. Nor would I enjoy hearing from my Financial Planner's associate how my portfolio was mismanaged when he failed to bail out of a stock that eventually tanked. Unprofessional behavior in front of me, the patient/client. So when you address it, make it about the audience, not him, not you. No blame, no egos, no hurt feelings :)

Ideally it is about the audience first, but in my mind, the issue is with Les. Of course I can't say that to him, but this is what's actually in my mind. The audience problem will take care of itself if Les can keep his pressure valve from venting gas.

And I have to say, at times I just feel like, why should I even try communicating with Les? Is the upside worth the risk in case I blow it? Good chance of that happening. Him and I, we are like dissonant chords. What makes me so all important that he has to do what I say? Do I really want to be that guy?

@Larry, even if the band is dying soon I'd still say something. At the very least he might learn something and be a good boy with the next band. ;)

[larryace]

I tried "setting someone straight" before. Not sure I wanna continue down that road, especially with a band that probably is dead, save for a few bookings. Who am I the music cop? If he wants to dig his grave by alienating musicians, why should I stop him? I don't really care enough.

[bobdadruma]

The story that Joe Morris told was the most whacky thing that I have every heard in my 40 years of playing!
I have substituted for drummers with various bands many times over the years.
Everyone always goes out of their way to fill me in on how the band plays the tunes.
They take outrageous steps to help me fit in, both before, and during the gig.
I have never had a problem filling in because of the care that was given to me by the band members.

Just as I think that I have seen and heard it all, I learn that I haven't seen and heard anything!

If a drummer is filling in for me, I always call him ahead of time and I give him all of the help that I can before the gig.
My band mates do the same.

[Pocket-full-of-gold]

Originally Posted by larryace

NP I'm a big boy. Maybe Les is too and I'm assuming he's not. What I'd really like to be able to say is "Dude, you can't react when I screw up onstage, you just don't do that! It doesn't look good to the audience, and it does more harm than good. Just let it go or laugh it off! OK? I don't do that to you!
Too many you's. But I will have basically have to write it down first and read it over the phone so I don't mis word anything. Walking on eggshells.

I just don't get why you don't do this.....and NOW. Come on Larry....3 pages, 100 odd posts and you're no closer to any resolution. It's clearly bothering you.....time to deal with it.

Speak to him, say just what you've written above and get the weight off your shoulders. All the to-ing and fro-ing with likeminded people on the net isn't getting the issue dealt with. It's just a conversation to sort out one of lifes minor hiccups.....we're not splitting the atom here mate.

Go on....get on the front foot and make the call. :-)

[bobdadruma]

Originally Posted by Pocket-full-of-gold

I just don't get why you don't do this.....and NOW. Come on Larry....3 pages, 100 odd posts and you're no closer to any resolution. It's clearly bothering you.....time to deal with it.

Speak to him, say just what you've written above and get the weight off your shoulders. All the to-ing and fro-ing with likeminded people on the net isn't getting the issue dealt with. It's just a conversation to sort out one of lifes minor hiccups.....we're not splitting the atom here mate.

Go on....get on the front foot and make the call. :-)

+1,2,3,4, etc!
202020202

[larryace]

Sorry, decided against it. The band is dead anyway. No point, there's nothing to gain for me.
I'm resolved. Thanks for all the great advice. If the band was going to go on, different story, but since it's not, better to leave sleeping dogs lie. It's got more to do with not just him, but who he comes in contact with, who he talks to. I don't need bad press.

[Aeolian]

I understand. A local music scene, especially within a genre, is a small community. And as Bermuda often points out, it's the folks that get along that get ahead.

[Pollyanna]

Originally Posted by larryace

Sorry, decided against it. The band is dead anyway. No point, there's nothing to gain for me.
I'm resolved. Thanks for all the great advice. If the band was going to go on, different story, but since it's not, better to leave sleeping dogs lie. It's got more to do with not just him, but who he comes in contact with, who he talks to. I don't need bad press.

Haha, that's what I'd do even if the band lasted :) So how do you make lemonade out of this lemon?

You seemed to have noticed a trend, where your starting is less good than your consequent grooving. I take it that they are the points where he disses you. Thing is, someone doesn't need to be perfect - or even better than you - to provide you with useful feedback, no matter how gormlessly expressed.

Starts and finishes tend to have a strong impact so his irritation, if not how he expressed it, is understandable. Was it Maurice Chevalier (I could be wildly incorrect here) who said that if you start and finish well, what happens in between is your own business? I heard this from Mum a looong time ago so my memory is hazy.

If we start songs/passages well it gives us something to live up to. It's harder to resurrect the magic if there are glitches early on. Even gronks can give useful feedback - maybe you should thank him for his assistance and tell him how much you appreciate it ... but maybe ... just maybe, could he please try not say it out loud at gigs because you find it embarrassing? Hey, no big deal if the "Come on, man" slips out but you'd be stoked if he could keep it a tad lighter ...

My Machiavellian 1c worth ...

[jim_gregory]

Last night at rehearsal we were doing the final medley of Animals tunes and the singer/keys player tell's me not to sing the bla bla bla part. I try to say we talk later as we were playing the final tune already and had already power blasted through two sets straight. He went nuts and started calling me some seriously nasty stuff. I/we all played through the final tune then I stood up and told him get his stuff out of my house and very quickly as nobody speaks to me like that, much less in my own home, and I may hit him in the head with a pipe if he lingers. I immediately left the room for a smoke and cool off and when I came back he had been reamed by the others and I swear the guy was in tears and all apologies.
Gawd I hate man tears. Good grief! Are you KIDDING me?
No I bloody well didn't hug him but I had said my peace and was done with it. It was over and it will never happen again.
I guess this is mostly a hijack but I reckon most bands should come with a mediator..or a shrink...or a babysitter. Bunch of freaking nuts is all we are.
And I still don't know what part he was talking about.

[muckypops]

Tell the guy that's whining on stage that until he plays perfect every time he better shut his hole or you'll make love to him with a pair of unlubricated 2B's. To be honest, I think in the end it's going to be either him or you but not both that stays with the band. At least if it was me that's how it would end up. I can't stand guys like that.\


OOPS! Should have read the thread all the way through. Guess you resolved it. You were being too nice with the guy but I guess that's who you are. Nothing wrong with that.

[Pollyanna]

Originally Posted by jim_gregory

Bunch of freaking nuts is all we are.

Interesting subject matter for another thread - why are so many musos crazy?

Is it the alone time practising? Is it something to do with the need to be so intensely in the moment?

[keep it simple]

Aha, so the band bailed rather than you. Good result. Allows your gitwrist to go on being a little girlie & you can move on, gossip reputation intact. When are you going to make that gig happen with the sax player & bassist? That sounds like a cool deal to me. Good luck.

[Pollyanna]

Bearing in mind that there's nothing wrong with being a little girlie :)

Agree that losing the guitar player is a good thing. A bit like being in a bad relationship and having the other partner decide to pull the plug, saving you the trouble.

I found Aeolian's comment persuasive ... "as Bermuda often points out, it's the folks that get along that get ahead".

At first I felt as bleagh as anyone else about the guitarist's carry on, but there's usually a way though ticklish situations that doesn't end up with bad vibes. Sometimes it helps not to try to resolve a situation "once and for all" in one fell swoop, but instead quietly chip away at it over time.

Another ¢

[larryace]

Andy, I brought up the subject of the bassist, the sax player and me getting together, but I don't think he's ready right now to start a new project, just from the vibe I got. I asked him if we still want to do that..."Oh let's see what Tommy (sax) says...Meanwhile the bassist is getting hired right and left and I think he's enjoying the hired gun role for a while instead of band coordinater. So I'll bide my time and put some feelers out, he's not ready yet. So my dance card is wide open. Who knows what will happen next.

[keep it simple]

That's the attitude Larry. Get yourself out there. You're a real catch for any band. How could anyone resist those blue tubs in a blues band!

Originally Posted by keep it simple

That's the attitude Larry. Get yourself out there. You're a real catch for any band.

How cute. You two should totally date. ;p

[larryace]

James I'm callin you out dog in another thread!

@Larry, the hell you say? What thread is this?

EDIT: Never mind. I found it, you controversial thread starter!

[spleeeeen]

Originally Posted by Pollyanna

Interesting subject matter for another thread - why are so many musos crazy?

Is it the alone time practising? Is it something to do with the need to be so intensely in the moment?

Polly, I once heard Bruce Springsteen say something to the effect that "music has always been a place for misfits," implicating himself as such and offering a reason as to why he has made it his life's work.

I've got to say, I really like that notion! As far as identity claims go, I'll take "misfit" any day!

best (and apologies for furthering the digression),

spleen

[Pollyanna]

Originally Posted by spleen

Polly, I once heard Bruce Springsteen say something to the effect that "music has always been a place for misfits," implicating himself as such and offering a reason as to why he has made it his life's work.

I've got to say, I really like that notion! As far as identity claims go, I'll take "misfit" any day!

Ha! Or was that "ouch!"? :) So true. Some misfits are easy to get along with, some aren't. Misfitism is a a broad church.

It begs the question, if music is a place for misfits, then why? Is it just because we have lots of of alone time to practice, and then we get hooked?